More refugees . . .

[oncemoreuntothejimbreech]

http://fauxcountrynews.com/mount-pleasant-struggling-to-accommodate-ohio-refugees/

Quote:Mount Pleasant Struggling to Accommodate Ohio Refugees

ohio-refugees
JANUARY 2, 2016
Tensions are high in Mount Pleasant as residents are fed up with the inflow of refugees from Ohio. Looking to escape from crappy weather and disappointing professional sports teams, thousands of Ohio residents have fled their homes in the last decade to seek asylum in South Carolina. The large majority have flowed into Mount Pleasant where they have inundated apartment complexes and sports bars.

“Everywhere I look, there’s more of them,” said Mt. Pleasant Mayor Linda Page. “They’re like friggin Gremlins. Toss some water on them and five of their family members show up with a U-Haul truck full of furniture.”

Local residents are doing their best to be understanding, but they can’t contain their frustrations any longer. “I feel bad for them, I really do,” said local resident Matt Vaughn. “I can’t imagine how much it must have sucked living in Cleveland your entire life, but there are too many of them here now. There’s more Buckeye fans on my block than Gamecock fans. It’s irritating.”

Some local businesses are so fed up, they’ve banned Ohioans from their establishments altogether. One local deli owner said, “If I see one more LeBron jersey, I’m gonna barf. And it’s called a Coke, not a pop. Learn our language down here or go back to where you came from.”

The general consensus is the refugee crisis won’t slow down anytime soon. Red Cross Regional Director Anna Paige said, “The more the Cleveland Browns lose and make bad draft picks, the more they want to come down here. The people of Mount Pleasant will just have to deal with it.”

How much more of this shit are we forced to tolerate until the government secures our borders?

[oncemoreuntothejimbreech]

http://fauxcountrynews.com/pasty-guy-from-ohio-struggling-to-blend-in-at-folly-beach/

Quote:Pasty Guy From Ohio Struggling To Blend In At Folly Beach


May 28, 2016
An extremely pale man visiting from Ohio struggled to blend in at Folly Beach today. Tim Grant terrified everyone around him when he took off his Ohio State t-shirt and jean shorts to reveal his pasty white skin and speedo swimsuit. He extended the emotional damage inflicted on the beach crowd by taking a leisurely walk down to the pier.

Tim is visiting the area on his Memorial Day weekend vacation. He inadvertently booked a room at the Holliday Inn with two L’s thinking it was the national hotel chain Holiday Inn. He rented a PT Cruiser and hopes to catch a good dinner at Hyman’s Seafood before his trip is over.

Tim was confused by how no one was talking to him. “It’s really strange,” he said. “When I walk around and wave at people, they just cover their children’s eyes and run away. I don’t know that their problem is.”

Folly Beach goer Tiffany Hanley was horrified by what she saw. “This dude clearly doesn’t know the unspoken law of Folly Beach that states No Banana Hammocks,” she said. “And he’s so pale, it’s almost like he’s glowing. I need to wear sunglasses to look in his direction.”

Tim will think he’s too tough for sunblock and sustain a wicked sunburn. Tomorrow he’s expected to blow off the rip current advisory and have to be saved by the Coast Guard when he gets taken out to sea.

[SunsetBengal]

Seems about right. I seen on the morning news, that a swimmer disappeared in the rip current, just yesterday. At Carolina Beach, near Wilmington.

On another note, the OP brings back a fun memory, from the year I moved down here from Ohio. In '03, I was at a sports bar on the NC/SC State line watching the game. I was out of the house too much to justify the price of cable, and it seemed like the best place to see the OSU-NC State game.

As fate would have it, the entire joint turned to look at me, as I strutted in with my Buckeye T-shirt on. It was a big game, at the time, as NC State was pretty good, with Phillip Rivers as their QB. So, I order a beer and some wings, and proceed to watch the game. Any time the OSU did anything good, I let a little enthusiasm escape, and the entire bar would glare at me. Then, any time that NC State would do anything good, the entire bar would erupt in a roaring cheer, and then proceed to glare at me.. Fate happened to be on my side that day, as OSU won. Feeling the saltiness of the crew nearest me, I bought them a round of shots, and made some drinkin' buddies.