Super Homer time-killer thread

[*Nately120*]

So I've garnered a reputation for being a downer or calling people out for what I see as being over the top homerism SO I'd like to take this lull in the off-season to open the floor to some of the most gleefully homeristic takes we can have.  And I want to get in on the action, because I long to don the orange-tinted glases.

Is it possible to somewhat reasonably come up with reasons that the 2020 Bengals are in a better position right now and/or in the near future than any other NFL team?  Can we, without resorting to alien abductions or something crazy like that, come up with semi-plausible reasons for this?  Pick an NFL team and let us discuss why only a fool would root for them rather than us.

Let's get homer-ey.  I want in on the wave of black and orange euphoria!

[GreenCornBengal]

Easy enough. Let’s start with the Chargers since we are opening the season with them. They move around, are completely disloyal to their fan base and have to share their city with the Rams (who also are a joke). They are constantly ‘changing’ their uniforms but look the same every year.

They just moved on from Phillip Rivers, the guy who found a way to lose every game in the 4th quarter and replaced him with a total bum in Herbert. They’ve failed to retain guys like Melvin Gordon who held out and have squandered talents like Keenan Allen.

I went to a Chargers game and the one thing I can say is the fans are great. They were almost more happy the Bengals won than us Bengals fans were. They hate their owner.

The one time they had a great team with Schotty they couldn’t even win a playoff game and their only recent claim to fame is LaDainian Tomlinson. Dan Fouts is ok but he is also a total scrub announcer who is cringy to watch.

I’ve never seen a Charger fan excited for the season, have you??

[*Nately120*]

(05-14-2020, 12:39 PM)GreenCornBengal Wrote: Easy enough. Let’s start with the Chargers since we are opening the season with them. They move around, are completely disloyal to their fan base and have to share their city with the Rams (who also are a joke). They are constantly ‘changing’ their uniforms but look the same every year.

They just moved on from Phillip Rivers, the guy who found a way to lose every game in the 4th quarter and replaced him with a total bum in Herbert. They’ve failed to retain guys like Melvin Gordon who held out and have squandered talents like Keenan Allen.

I went to a Chargers game and the one thing I can say is the fans are great. They were almost more happy the Bengals won than us Bengals fans were. They hate their owner.

The one time they had a great team with Schotty they couldn’t even win a playoff game and their only recent claim to fame is LaDainian Tomlinson. Dan Fouts is ok but he is also a total scrub announcer who is cringy to watch.

I’ve never seen a Charger fan excited for the season, have you??

I've only known one Charger fan and he was from San Diego and he's beyond done with them because they moved to LA, which I guess SD people don't like.  Do the Chargers still have fans?  

Side note, how odd is it that that huge LA stadium is going to debut to 0 fans?  And yea, Herbert looks like a bum.  This QB class is a joke outside of Burrow.  Tua is made of glass and the rest of the guys are developmental prospects at best.  This wasn't a good year to just be really bad, you had to go all-in to cash in so to speak.  If the Chargers have any fans left, they're going to be tested trying to convince themselves that benching Tylenol Taylor for their new QB is going to be a big deal.

Meh to them. 

[SunsetBengal]

Bengals gonna shock the world, and bury the 49ers in the Superbowl!

Is that homerlike enough?

[TecmoBengals]

Welcome to homerism land!  Who Dey!  Burrow is taking us on a fun ride.

[Hoofhearted]

Baker Mayfield is a prima-dona and their locker room is in shambles. Bengals should get an automatic two wins from that.

[*Nately120*]

How about the Steelers?  I pity the fool who roots for the Steelers!

Here we are set at QB for what, 10+ years while they are eagerly awaiting the return of a d-bag QB who missed almost all of 2019 with a bum arm who almost certainly is going to show up to training camp looking like a cross between Jamarcus Russel and Peter Jackson.  Also, he's way too much of a whiney me-first jerk to even consider retiring so he's going to be like Brett Favre without the trade demands.  Tomlin isn't going to stand up to Pig Ben, so they're stuck with an over-paid fatso QB who has no arm left.

And their draft?  They used their first pick, which was in the second round, to draft a combine star (underwear Olympics, means nothing unless you are Al Davis) Canadian guy who is never going to crack their WR dept chart and will be catching passes in a deep-ass endzone up north in no time.

On the plus side Mike Tomlin's inability to make even the worst season turn into a boring 8-8 affair will ensure they have no real options for replacing Ben after he has to retire so he can be on My 600lb Life.

Also, I hope the Steelers had their fun beating us while Marvin "Born in Steeler Country" Lewis and Andy "I'm Scurred of the Steelers" Dalton were in town, because they ain't here no more!

[*Nately120*]

(05-14-2020, 03:28 PM)Hoofhearted Wrote: Baker Mayfield is a prima-dona and their locker room is in shambles. Bengals should get an automatic two wins from that.

Baker is a bust and they have a HC who brought in his own QB he can switch to...Case Keenum.  That guy made a deal with the devil to get as far as he did in Minnesota and he clearly doesn't have a second soul to sell for another crack at relevance.  

Baker the bust gets benched and that doesn't stop the rest of that team from going into full "me-first" meltdown mode.  Maybe O'smell Beckham Jr. can take the whole team on a boat trip onto Lake Erie and sink the thing right in the middle.  That would be an improvement over what they've got coming.

Meanwhile we took a QB at #1 overall who doesn't suck.  Better luck next time, Brownies!

[GreenCornBengal]

Being a Cowboy fan is rough. Can you imagine getting excited about signing Andy Dalton???

[*Nately120*]

(05-14-2020, 04:03 PM)GreenCornBengal Wrote: Being a Cowboy fan is rough. Can you imagine getting excited about signing Andy Dalton???

Having a 2-14 QB who is there on a hometown discount is their only hopes to have any leverage against Dak demanding 90% of the salary cap.  Cowboys fans should ask Jets and Raiders fans how well starting a Bengals castoff QB goes.

[fredtoast]

Bengals are the only team in the league who will be getting an extra first round pick who did not play last year.




Bengals are the only team getting back a multi-ProBowl player who did not play at all last year.




Bengals are the only team to draft the greatest QB in college football history.

[fredtoast]

(05-14-2020, 03:30 PM)Nately120 Wrote: How about the Steelers?  I pity the fool who roots for the Steelers!

Here we are set at QB for what, 10+ years while they are eagerly awaiting the return of a d-bag QB who missed almost all of 2019 with a bum arm who almost certainly is going to show up to training camp looking like a cross between Jamarcus Russel and Peter Jackson.  Also, he's way too much of a whiney me-first jerk to even consider retiring so he's going to be like Brett Favre without the trade demands.  Tomlin isn't going to stand up to Pig Ben, so they're stuck with an over-paid fatso QB who has no arm left.

Roethlisberger led the NFL in interceptions in 2018 and in the two games he played last year he had 62 attempts with a 66.0 passer rating.

[*Nately120*]

(05-14-2020, 04:26 PM)fredtoast Wrote: Roethlisberger led the NFL in interceptions in 2018 and in the two games he played last year he had 62 attempts with a 66.0 passer rating.

Good thing the Steelers have two garbage QBs behind him.

[*SHRacerX*]

The last time we had a good defense, a large part of it was a solid LB corps. If the rookies impact as I think they can, the defense could take huge strides. Add in the infusion of tackling talent: Bell, Waynes, Alexander, and Bynes. Finish it all off with the addition of a fantastic big man in the middle of the D-line in Reader, and the LB play improves that much more.

If the defense can be solid, I have no doubts this offense will be able to put up points on anyone. Barring injury, the Bengals have an elite WR and RB room. The QB will be the only wild card and I have faith in the guy.

[HarleyDog]

Although I question our OL, the change in motivation from the Marvin era of welcome to your retirement home vs. ZT’s house of get it done or get out approach, we may actually have a good OL this year. Do you wanna be the guy that gets Burrow flattened? Burrow will get up and get in your face, Andy Dalton would smile and say, “better luck next time kid.”

It’s gonna be good, however we need to get these guys working together quickly. With Burrow’s work ethic and determination he is so praised for, it may not take as long for them to come together like others teams past with a new QB. Somehow, if we eek into a playoff game, this Homie may go beast mode and just win the damn SB.

[Shake n Blake]

Can you imagine being a Dolphins fan?

- No playoff wins since 2000
- 2 playoff appearances in the last 18 seasons (0-2)
- Haven't developed a good QB since Dan Marino
- You couldn't even win a championship with a top 5 GOAT QB
- You're thanking your lucky stars Tannehill is gone, then he almost leads the Titans to the Super Bowl
- You screw up a tank job and get stuck with the 5th overall pick, missing out on an amazing QB prospect
- Your consolation prize is an undersized guy who already looks injury prone
- Your leading rusher in 2019 was Ryan Fitzpatrick with 243 yards

[Bengalholic]

(05-14-2020, 03:30 PM)Nately120 Wrote: How about the Steelers?  I pity the fool who roots for the Steelers!

Looks like Ben has already given up.....on everything. 

[*Nately120*]

(05-14-2020, 07:07 PM)HarleyDog Wrote: Although I question our OL, the change in motivation from the Marvin era of welcome to your retirement home vs. ZT’s house of get it done or get out approach, we may actually have a good OL this year. Do you wanna be the guy that gets Burrow flattened? Burrow will get up and get in your face, Andy Dalton would smile and say, “better luck next time kid.”

It’s gonna be good, however we need to get these guys working together quickly. With Burrow’s work ethic and determination he is so praised for, it may not take as long for them to come together like others teams past with a new QB. Somehow, if we eek into a playoff game, this Homie may go beast mode and just win the damn SB.

This x1000.  You really have to wonder if our o-line has been bad or if we just had the kind of QB an o-line doesn't give a crap about actually protecting back there in Andy Dalton.  I actually once saw Dalton get flattened on a blown blocking assignment and he actually said "It's ok, I just hope that DE had a fun time driving me into the turf!"

It's going to be a real refreshing change to watch Burrow not only being an ace QB, but also walking up and down the sidelines whipping the entire roster into shape.  It'll be great to see Burrow scream and yell at Price until he stops being a bust and strangling Ross until he realizes that he's supposed to catch the damn ball.  Dalton wasn't going to do that.

[Nicomo Cosca]

Hate on Mike Brown and Duke Tobin all you want, but at least we don’t have Bill O’Brien running things...

[*bengalfan74*]

(05-14-2020, 10:09 PM)Nately120 Wrote: This x1000.  You really have to wonder if our o-line has been bad or if we just had the kind of QB an o-line doesn't give a crap about actually protecting back there in Andy Dalton.  I actually once saw Dalton get flattened on a blown blocking assignment and he actually said "It's ok, I just hope that DE had a fun time driving me into the turf!"

It's going to be a real refreshing change to watch Burrow not only being an ace QB, but also walking up and down the sidelines whipping the entire roster into shape.  It'll be great to see Burrow scream and yell at Price until he stops being a bust and strangling Ross until he realizes that he's supposed to catch the damn ball.  Dalton wasn't going to do that.

They'll get a lit cigar stuck up their ass.