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Tonight, I had a babe over.
We're kissing and fooling around before we start the serious stuff and I'm like "hold on, I need to use the restroom first....... don't get up," and I climb over her.
As I'm trying to bring my second leg over, I fall, hit my mouth on my power wheelchair, chip a tooth and cut my lip.
Now, I have a chipped tooth and I'm spitting up blood.
Hopefully, we can get it fixed soon so I don't look like a complete hillbilly.
It pisses me off because my smile was the one thing that everyone loves about me.
It's not the center tooth, but it's just off to the right, so it's not THAT bad, but still.
Just the luck of the half-Irish cripple.
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I came up with almost the exact same story the first time a woman punched me in the mouth.
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You shoulda just said ahh that was nothing, wait till I start banging you on every piece of furniture in here.
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(06-25-2018, 01:09 PM)fredtoast Wrote: I came up with almost the exact same story the first time a woman punched me in the mouth.
Me too
The water tastes funny when you're far from your home,
yet it's only the thirsty that hunger to roam.
Roam the Jungle !
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Back in high school, my girlfriend and I were out on the gravel roads, listening to the radio, making out, fooling around, doing the deed....well anyways, we were there a little too long (typical me) and my battery died. I couldn't get my car to start back up. I had to walk a mile to the nearest farm house, knock on the door, and ask to get jumped. This was at midnight too! I was so embarrassed. I pry would have gotten shot in today's age. But the nice farmer did help a guy out and jump my car so I could drop the g/f off before her curfew.
![[Image: Zu8AdZv.png?1]](https://i.imgur.com/Zu8AdZv.png?1)
Deceitful, two-faced she-woman. Never trust a female, Delmar, remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent.
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Look at the bright side there Strahan. If you accidentally roll into a gay bar, your going to turn some head! 
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(06-25-2018, 03:08 PM)BengalHawk62 Wrote: Back in high school, my girlfriend and I were out on the gravel roads, listening to the radio, making out, fooling around, doing the deed....well anyways, we were there a little too long (typical me) and my battery died. I couldn't get my car to start back up. I had to walk a mile to the nearest farm house, knock on the door, and ask to get jumped. This was at midnight too! I was so embarrassed. I pry would have gotten shot in today's age. But the nice farmer did help a guy out and jump my car so I could drop the g/f off before her curfew.
One time in high school I was out with some friends in a van. I was making out with this drunk chick in the back when she said she had to puke. Instead of asking the driver to stop I just slid open the side door and held her while she hung her head out to puke. But I was too drunk to hold on and she fell face first out of a moving van. Nothing broken but half of her face looked like she had been attacked with a cheese grater.
That ended our relationship.
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(06-25-2018, 04:00 PM)fredtoast Wrote: One time in high school I was out with some friends in a van. I was making out with this drunk chick in the back when she said she had to puke. Instead of asking the driver to stop I just slid open the side door and held her while she hung her head out to puke. But I was too drunk to hold on and she fell face first out of a moving van. Nothing broken but half of her face looked like she had been attacked with a cheese grater.
That ended our relationship.
“God you look terrible. I think we need to break up.”
“History teaches that grave threats to liberty often come in times of urgency, when constitutional rights seem too extravagant to endure.”-Thurgood Marshall
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(06-25-2018, 04:00 PM)fredtoast Wrote: One time in high school I was out with some friends in a van. I was making out with this drunk chick in the back when she said she had to puke. Instead of asking the driver to stop I just slid open the side door and held her while she hung her head out to puke. But I was too drunk to hold on and she fell face first out of a moving van. Nothing broken but half of her face looked like she had been attacked with a cheese grater.
That ended our relationship.
Should have stayed with her. You would have made a cute couple.
![[Image: Realistic-Halloween-Makeup-Ideas-2.jpg?resize=620%2C781]](https://i1.wp.com/cherrycherrybeauty.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Realistic-Halloween-Makeup-Ideas-2.jpg?resize=620%2C781)
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(06-27-2018, 07:25 AM)HarleyDog Wrote: Should have stayed with her. You would have made a cute couple.
Hit
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No such thing as luck. Everything happens under a sovereign plan.
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Went to the dentist and had it fixed today, so now my $50 smile is back and rockin 
Lip is still cut and hurts so I might need to go get that checked out, but I'm just hoping it heals on its own.
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(06-25-2018, 12:48 AM)BFritz21 Wrote: Tonight, I had a babe over.
We're kissing and fooling around before we start the serious stuff and I'm like "hold on, I need to use the restroom first....... don't get up," and I climb over her.
As I'm trying to bring my second leg over, I fall, hit my mouth on my power wheelchair, chip a tooth and cut my lip.
Now, I have a chipped tooth and I'm spitting up blood.
Hopefully, we can get it fixed soon so I don't look like a complete hillbilly.
It pisses me off because my smile was the one thing that everyone loves about me.
It's not the center tooth, but it's just off to the right, so it's not THAT bad, but still.
Just the luck of the half-Irish cripple.
C'mon Brad.. You were just rude to her so she beat the crap out of you . Learn to be nice to women, man!
In the immortal words of my old man, "Wait'll you get to be my age!"
Chicago sounds rough to the maker of verse, but the one comfort we have is Cincinnati sounds worse. ~Oliver Wendal Holmes Sr.
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I think Brad and Fred should have used Google to find a more appropriate message board to post their twisted erotic short fiction. 
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