03-23-2022, 11:17 PM
Quote:
Write a sex scene you wouldn't show your mom.
Hmm, I don't need to write it...that scene from Portnoy's Complaint where the dude screws the liver they were saving for dinner already exists. I guess American Pie sort of ripped that off.
Quote:
Rewrite the sex scene from above into what you'd let your mom read.
No one screwed the liver and no one cooked it, because I know how much you hate the smell of liver, Mother dear.
Quote:
Describe your favorite part of a man's body using only verbs.
Is "turgid wiener" a verb?
Quote:
Describe a time you wanted to orgasm but couldn't
My girlfriend accused me of sitting at home masturbating all day and I denied it so she was like "Fine then, let's have sex now" and I was like....uh oh spaghetti o.
Quote:
You were just caught in bed by a jealous spouse: how would you talk your way out of this?
The liberal media is duping you into believing that I'm having sex with your sister! Don't fall for it! Wait, this question doesn't even indicate that I'm in bed with a woman...just that I'm in bed. Damn it shrew, let me sleep...I was having the most wonderful dream about having sex with your sister!
Quote:
Write a sermon for a beloved preacher that has been caught in a sex scandal.
I was raised catholic, so this was par for the course, but hey...Father Kelley, I hope you aren't in hell or something.
Quote:
Ten euphemisms for sex.
boinking
doin' the horizontal monster mash
doin' the pigeon
rockin and rolling' and what not
being forcibly impregnated by a god
falling on a penis
makin' whoopie
the old in out in out
hanging and banging
nothing happened between us, I swear
Quote:
You're a brand new suicide hotline counselor. Describe how you feel during the course of your first call.
Aroused.
Quote:
Write a letter from the point of view of a drug addict.
Dear Santa,
Please bring me heroin for Christmas.
Quote:
Drink a beer. Write about the taste.
Tastes great, less filling.
Quote:
Write an x-rated Disney scenario.
Gonzo had nose sex with Princess Jasmine while Marge Simpson watched and gave a hand job to Uncle Remus. Wow, Disney owns everyone now and I un-cancelled Uncle Remus.
This was actually the most fun I've had in years. If only my school would have been this interesting I might not have dropped our after 3rd grade in order to follow my dreams of becoming a professional full contact tiddlywinks player.
Write a sex scene you wouldn't show your mom.
Hmm, I don't need to write it...that scene from Portnoy's Complaint where the dude screws the liver they were saving for dinner already exists. I guess American Pie sort of ripped that off.
Quote:
Rewrite the sex scene from above into what you'd let your mom read.
No one screwed the liver and no one cooked it, because I know how much you hate the smell of liver, Mother dear.
Quote:
Describe your favorite part of a man's body using only verbs.
Is "turgid wiener" a verb?
Quote:
Describe a time you wanted to orgasm but couldn't
My girlfriend accused me of sitting at home masturbating all day and I denied it so she was like "Fine then, let's have sex now" and I was like....uh oh spaghetti o.
Quote:
You were just caught in bed by a jealous spouse: how would you talk your way out of this?
The liberal media is duping you into believing that I'm having sex with your sister! Don't fall for it! Wait, this question doesn't even indicate that I'm in bed with a woman...just that I'm in bed. Damn it shrew, let me sleep...I was having the most wonderful dream about having sex with your sister!
Quote:
Write a sermon for a beloved preacher that has been caught in a sex scandal.
I was raised catholic, so this was par for the course, but hey...Father Kelley, I hope you aren't in hell or something.
Quote:
Ten euphemisms for sex.
boinking
doin' the horizontal monster mash
doin' the pigeon
rockin and rolling' and what not
being forcibly impregnated by a god
falling on a penis
makin' whoopie
the old in out in out
hanging and banging
nothing happened between us, I swear
Quote:
You're a brand new suicide hotline counselor. Describe how you feel during the course of your first call.
Aroused.
Quote:
Write a letter from the point of view of a drug addict.
Dear Santa,
Please bring me heroin for Christmas.
Quote:
Drink a beer. Write about the taste.
Tastes great, less filling.
Quote:
Write an x-rated Disney scenario.
Gonzo had nose sex with Princess Jasmine while Marge Simpson watched and gave a hand job to Uncle Remus. Wow, Disney owns everyone now and I un-cancelled Uncle Remus.
This was actually the most fun I've had in years. If only my school would have been this interesting I might not have dropped our after 3rd grade in order to follow my dreams of becoming a professional full contact tiddlywinks player.
![[Image: 4CV0TeR.png]](https://i.imgur.com/4CV0TeR.png)
