Candidate Profiles

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Former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum announced his candidacy for the 2016 presidential election on Wednesday, bringing the runner-up from the 2012 Republican primaries officially into the race. Here’s what you need to know about Santorum:


Age: 23 years younger than average supporter

Birthplace: America he barely recognizes anymore

Campaign Goals: Keep the rampant liberalism in the Republican party in check

Economic Platform: More of a social issues guy

Trademark Look: Suit, tie

Debate Strategy: Hoping to be permitted to watch from green room

Hobbies: Searching for intelligently designed life on other planets

Views On Hardcore Pornography: Included in presidential platform

Motivation For Running: Kill some time before going to Heaven

Biggest Controversy: Is presidential candidate