Candidate Profiles

[BmorePat87]

(06-07-2015, 05:56 PM)SunsetBengal Wrote: These are great.  Will you do a few more?

I only added the link for the first one, but these are from the Onion. I can't take credit, I just thought you all would have a good laugh. As soon as more candidates declare these next few weeks (apparently Jeb, Jindal, and Trump are all declaring) I will post them from the Onion.

Not sure if you saw this one that I posted in Perry thread, but I'll repost it here:

(06-05-2015, 02:51 PM)BmorePat87 Wrote: http://www.theonion.com/graphic/candidate-profile-rick-perry-50580



Former Texas governor Rick Perry announced Thursday his candidacy for the 2016 presidential election, hoping to fare better than he did in his unsuccessful bid for the Republican nomination in 2012. Here’s what you need to know about Perry:

  Campaign Slogan: “I Studied This Time”
   Experience: Effectively and efficiently led bungling of 2012 presidential campaign
   Policies: Tough on crime, specifically homosexuality
  Death Penalty Record: Undefeated, 234-0
   Political Base: Unsettling white guys in wraparound Oakleys
  Biggest Political Asset: Looks pretty presidential on muted TV at airport
   Biggest Liability: Public forums
   Greatest Political Accomplishment: Provided underserved minorities and mentally ******** individuals with access to quality executions
   Oh, And: Was recently issued felony indictment for abuse of power as Texas governor