02-25-2017, 03:57 AM
It was a typical day. I got up, walked outside, lowered my neighbor's American flag and micturated on it. I came back in the house, got my prayer rug that was hand stitched in Kenya (I bought it with my food stamps and had it personally blessed by Imam Obama) and I prayed my morning prayer that Allah would light Steve Bannon's tongue on fire when he was giving the President his morning fellating.
I grabbed my Obama phone and snap chatted a couple of pics of myself in drag to my ex boyfriend so he could see how hot I look, scooped up an armload of food stamps, and headed off to Whole Foods to buy a couple hundred bucks worth of lobster. Later I planned to stop by the abortion clinic where I volunteer and impale a few dozen fetuses. Like I said, just a normal day.
I stop at Starbucks for my morning six coffees and tell the limo driver, "Hey, the taxpayers can afford for you to wait, leave the meter running and I will see you in a couple hours. We are just going next door to Whole Foods, but I don't feel like walking so wait for me." In true liberal limousine driver fashion he asked me to pick up an extra copy of the Daily Worker at Starbucks. I did.
So, three hours later I'm sitting in the women's bathroom waiting for unsuspecting females to come in so I can have my way with them, when low and behold one comes in. I don't know if was the thrill of the anticipation of playing Big Bad Wolf or the Daily Worker cross word puzzle that was really a stumper that day, but before I could announce my presence, her voice emerged from the neighboring stall.
"Wow, really? Again..." she sighed.
Now, I am not totally heartless, so I figure before I violate her I can show a little decency. I say, "What's a matter, no toilet paper over there?"
And if she had said, "Yeah that's it," I would not have gone Elaine Benes on her, I would have tossed a whole roll of paper over to her.
But she laughs and says, "Oh no, it's not that." And this is where it got weird. She continues, "See, I have my phone out and there's this website I read daily and there is this one douche bag on there... I don't know how to explain it. I'll just put it like this: he sure does troll."
I couldn't imagine what the hell she was talking about. It was so confounding that before I could puzzle out the meaning she was gone in a flush, and I had to wait ten more minutes for another chick to come it. Luckily she was a regular who had stopped by hoping I would be there. We met at a Hillary rally and she knew the drill - the one that they keep in the cabinet at Starbucks - and got it for us. It made the sex just a little bit special. Man, though was that bathroom a mess when we left. We left together. She volunteers at Planned Parenthood but told me she was going in late because she needed to go pick up her methadone. I told her I would giver her a ride after I got done at Whole Foods and dropped off my lobsters.
But anyway, anybody got any idea what that weird chick was talking about?
I grabbed my Obama phone and snap chatted a couple of pics of myself in drag to my ex boyfriend so he could see how hot I look, scooped up an armload of food stamps, and headed off to Whole Foods to buy a couple hundred bucks worth of lobster. Later I planned to stop by the abortion clinic where I volunteer and impale a few dozen fetuses. Like I said, just a normal day.
I stop at Starbucks for my morning six coffees and tell the limo driver, "Hey, the taxpayers can afford for you to wait, leave the meter running and I will see you in a couple hours. We are just going next door to Whole Foods, but I don't feel like walking so wait for me." In true liberal limousine driver fashion he asked me to pick up an extra copy of the Daily Worker at Starbucks. I did.
So, three hours later I'm sitting in the women's bathroom waiting for unsuspecting females to come in so I can have my way with them, when low and behold one comes in. I don't know if was the thrill of the anticipation of playing Big Bad Wolf or the Daily Worker cross word puzzle that was really a stumper that day, but before I could announce my presence, her voice emerged from the neighboring stall.
"Wow, really? Again..." she sighed.
Now, I am not totally heartless, so I figure before I violate her I can show a little decency. I say, "What's a matter, no toilet paper over there?"
And if she had said, "Yeah that's it," I would not have gone Elaine Benes on her, I would have tossed a whole roll of paper over to her.
But she laughs and says, "Oh no, it's not that." And this is where it got weird. She continues, "See, I have my phone out and there's this website I read daily and there is this one douche bag on there... I don't know how to explain it. I'll just put it like this: he sure does troll."
I couldn't imagine what the hell she was talking about. It was so confounding that before I could puzzle out the meaning she was gone in a flush, and I had to wait ten more minutes for another chick to come it. Luckily she was a regular who had stopped by hoping I would be there. We met at a Hillary rally and she knew the drill - the one that they keep in the cabinet at Starbucks - and got it for us. It made the sex just a little bit special. Man, though was that bathroom a mess when we left. We left together. She volunteers at Planned Parenthood but told me she was going in late because she needed to go pick up her methadone. I told her I would giver her a ride after I got done at Whole Foods and dropped off my lobsters.
But anyway, anybody got any idea what that weird chick was talking about?
JOHN ROBERTS: From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly so that you will come to know the value of justice... I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either.
