Bengals reach out to NFL to open at home in 2017

[Fan_in_Kettering]

"I'm sorry, Bengals. Your request for hosting a home opener is peremptorily denied. You will play the New England Patriots in Boston in prime time. Furthermore, your flight from Cincinnati from Boston isn't nonstop. You change planes in Pyongyang, fly over the pole, and arrive in Boston two hours before kickoff. Good luck this season."

- The NFL

"P.S. Adam Jones is suspended. We'll tell you when he can play again. Oh, and we're suspending Vontaze Burfict again because we can and we don't like his face."