The Hobspin Translator

[sandwedge]

(02-16-2018, 06:14 PM)Shake n Blake Wrote: Why hello there, Mr. Tooth.

1. The tyrannosaurus rex also had (relatively) small hands, and it was the fiercest dyno in the land back in it's heyday. So going off of that, I think John Ross with be more than fine.

2. Lets see here. Of that $50 million...

- $25 million is allotted to resignings and extensions. Tyler Eifert isn't going to get an ingrown hair and go on IR play for free, ya know?
- $15 million for the rookie pool.
- $10 million injury buffer.
- $  2 million on tier "F" free agent upgrades.
- $50 dollars worth of Wendy's free frostee key chains for incoming free agents. Just between you and me, this is Mike's secret weapon for luring new players. He's really going "all-in" this year.

By my calculations, this leaves approximately minus $2 million dollars, give or take a few duckets. So something has to give. The team may be forced to make a tough choice between Atkins and Dunlap. 

3. Interesting question there, Tooth. The gift of sports writing is a gift that keeps on giving for me, but I have received a few nice gifts from the Brown family over the years. I've received several buy-one-get-one-10%-off coupons for the delicious popcorn at PBS. Katie once bought me a lacy pink nightgown with a giant feather. She winked at me after I opened it. Not sure what that was about, but I do enjoy wearing it occasionally when it's hot at PBS and Mike won't turn the AC on. 

Hopefully this answers your questions. 

You have absolutely killed it today!!!  Bengals news has been depressing and the world news too, so thanks Shakes!