The Art of Listening

[GMDino]

(07-29-2019, 07:45 AM)Bengalzona Wrote: There was once a black woman who convinced a KKK Grand Dragon to quit the group. When they asked her how she had done that, she replied, "I didn't try to change his mind. I just listened to him".

True story.

The art of listening is way undervalued. It always has been. But even more so in today's society. So many of us feel we need to express our ideas and feelings constantly through the various multimedia outlets available. And there is something cathartic to expressing your feelings. But too few stop to consider "Who is really listening?" or even "What am I really saying here?".

In the example I give above, this KKK leader had joined the group years before because when he expressed his thoughts about black people before (which were, admittedly, based upon ignorance because he had never had dealings with black people), he was immediately ridiculed, ostracized and labelled a 'racist' in his community. In those circumstances, the KKK seemed like an option to him: a place where those things didn't happen. He didn't necessarily like the group or a lot of things that it stood for. But they didn't make fun of him. When this woman contacted him and began a series of correspondence, he said some pretty ugly things to her. Obviously, she did not agree. But she listened. Eventually, that act of listening earned the man's trust and he felt comfortable telling her things he had not shared with anyone else, including some things about himself that he only discovered for himself through their conversations. And that changed the man.

https://www.atlantamagazine.com/civilrights/xernona-clayton-kkk-grand-dragon-calvin-craig/?fbclid=IwAR2i0sz3R9Nuhcojje8SNzpMpT41TVZHc4yWEIbBmZz5V_7XnmY_P82DqqM

https://www.npr.org/2017/08/20/544861933/how-one-man-convinced-200-ku-klux-klan-members-to-give-up-their-robes?fbclid=IwAR2zRSxwveOJIkiW9r9nT6oA8Oj3J8uaoUOtJeZmsTzNnNvxhRjJJd2PFVU

https://www.ted.com/talks/celeste_headlee_10_ways_to_have_a_better_conversation?language=en&fbclid=IwAR3zcperFks5uZGrSOkrrWBJjK5nb9eLXeSxWbUOIm2wlGwV6vRMdrJAYyw

https://www.ted.com/talks/megan_phelps_roper_i_grew_up_in_the_westboro_baptist_church_here_s_why_i_left?language=en

Inspiring...but at some point while listening did she not have to explain that his views were wrong?  She may not have been critical or "ugly" to him but she had to (gently) explain that he was wrong.  Unless he discovered he was wrong himself...which is rare among those with deeply held views. He might have been fringe compared to other members of his group.

Being "wrong" is the what I have found is the hardest part in changing one's mind (mine or anyone else's).

Personal ego getting in the way of personal advancement.

But don't get me wrong, I love the message of gently turning people by showing them you are a real person who can deal them as a another human being and equal no matter their views.