The Art of Listening

[Bengalzona]

(07-29-2019, 10:07 AM)GMDino Wrote: And in principle I agree you get more flies with honey but this approach takes a long time and will only get the ones who are not deeply entrenched (I know we can't convert them all).  In the meantime the entrenched are sucking in the fringe simply by reinforcing them so they know they are "right" and converting more faster than we can save.

And that doesn't even touch on the ones who think the KKK or the Nazis are "right" and simply defending the "white race" (to use the one example). 

I fully understand what you are saying.  I'm playing devil's advocate that while conversion of a few at time is nice there is a problem when the "other side" is recruiting and growing much faster.  

I know you are playing Devil's Advocate here.

But your line also indicates someone approaching the situation with an agenda of changing the other person's mind. In fact, the agenda is so pronounced in the comments, it is almost assured to be noted and lead to rejection from the other party. As Xernona Clayton noted: "I didn't try to change his mind. I just listened."

The technique for successful listening relies on not having an agenda because to communicate an agenda, people generally have to speak. So step one in good listening is to divest yourself of the goal of leading the other party in a direction. Rather the goal should be to allow the person to express themselves, regardless of how ugly their thoughts are or how opposed to them you are, so that further conversations can go forward and be positive. That doesn't mean you have to agree with them or cover up what you believe. In most conversations, the other person is going to know or at least sense that you don't agree from the start. You just approach them with a sincere attitude that you just want to know more about why they feel the way they do and, more importantly, who they are as a person.

You also have to be able to back off of your own defensiveness.

When they know in their heart that at least one person on "the Other Side" is accessible and not 'out to get them or convert them', it is hard for them to buy into the 'dehumanization process'. In fact, those who propose dehumanizing begin to look more radical.