The Art of Listening

[Bengalzona]

(07-29-2019, 02:23 PM)GMDino Wrote: That doesn't change anyone though.  I could listen to my brother in law tell me (over and over) that Obama was racist and he's not while not saying a word.  I could ask him why he burned crosses and why he thought there were "different kind of n*****s.  Some good and most lazy" and he wasn't going to see the error of his ways.

At some point I had engage in a conversation to suggest that his view needed adjusting.

I've studied interviewing and get where listening without an agenda comes from...and that's very helpful when trying to learn.  Even if it's to learn why someone is openly racist and denies it. But eventually they must be "confronted" to change the direction of their thoughts.  If your "agenda" is NOT to change minds of bad people...why listen at all?

The entire premise is that starting with listening with no agenda is a better way to convert people but that implies that you are only listening with the agenda of converting them.

Like I said, that might get a few fringe people, but not the ones in deep. And I'm using a big issue because it shows (to me) the error of the approach (and we're on a political board).  I might get someone to switch from Coke to Pepsi but not on the political issues of the day.

Start with not trying to change them The premise is not that "listening with no agenda is a better way to convert people". The premise is that talking at someone with opposing views with the intent of changing their views doesn't work at all because the agenda gets in the way from the start.

Did you ever try asking other types of questions to your brother-in-law, like: "Did you always feel this way about Obama? When did you start seeing it that way?", or "Do you work with black people? Is that what you have seen?", etc. Not necessarily those questions, but you get the point. You know how to interview. But I disagree that an interview needs to lead to a confrontation. Why can't it be open-ended? I realize that that doesn't sell to an audience. But in personal conversations, who is the audience?