The Art of Listening

[GMDino]

(07-29-2019, 02:46 PM)Bengalzona Wrote: Start with not trying to change them The premise is not that "listening with no agenda is a better way to convert people". The premise is that talking at someone with opposing views with the intent of changing their views doesn't work at all because the agenda gets in the way from the start.

Did you ever try asking other types of questions to your brother-in-law, like: "Did you always feel this way about Obama? When did you start seeing it that way?", or "Do you work with black people? Is that what you have seen?", etc. Not necessarily those questions, but you get the point. You know how to interview. But I disagree that an interview needs to lead to a confrontation. Why can't it be open-ended? I realize that that doesn't sell to an audience. But in personal conversations, who is the audience?

Absolutely I tried to find out why he was an unabashed racist.  And he was until he died.  And he denied it until he died.

If your agenda is NOT to change the minds or views then listening does...what?  Makes them comfortable telling you they have bad views?  At some point you MUST "confront" their views...that is the only way to truly start change.  NOT confronting their views is how they got where they are.

I'm all for conversations with people we disagree with.  You can learn a lot (good and bad).  But to truly "change" someone's mind you must present facts that disagree with their own.  Now, if you want to have no agenda to change minds and simply find out where they are coming from I fully agree with simply listening is a great way to do that.  But it won't make most people leave the KKK.  

Socrates said we all know the answers ourselves we just need to find those answers within. (Paraphrasing)  So occasionally one might be able to have a person come to a moment of self realization with no prodding in a direction but it seems to be more about "let's get along and not yell at each other" than actually solving problems to me.