The Art of Listening

[Bengalzona]

(07-29-2019, 03:22 PM)GMDino Wrote: Absolutely I tried to find out why he was an unabashed racist.  And he was until he died.  And he denied it until he died.

If your agenda is NOT to change the minds or views then listening does...what?  Makes them comfortable telling you they have bad views?  At some point you MUST "confront" their views...that is the only way to truly start change.  NOT confronting their views is how they got where they are.

I'm all for conversations with people we disagree with.  You can learn a lot (good and bad).  But to truly "change" someone's mind you must present facts that disagree with their own.  Now, if you want to have no agenda to change minds and simply find out where they are coming from I fully agree with simply listening is a great way to do that.  But it won't make most people leave the KKK.  

Socrates said we all know the answers ourselves we just need to find those answers within. (Paraphrasing)  So occasionally one might be able to have a person come to a moment of self realization with no prodding in a direction but it seems to be more about "let's get along and not yell at each other" than actually solving problems to me.

I think you are missing a key element here about agenda. The mere fact that you have a different position and your brother-in-law was aware of it through prior conversations (I assume) means that you are already a representative of that agenda whether you say another word about it or not. And how you represent that unspoken agenda through your responses, questions, respect, etc., can have a far heavier influence than any diatribe por la causa that you may give. You cannot argue logic and facts with someone who eschews logic and facts. But it is a good bet that you can reach them emotionally through sincere interest in them. Letting your agenda through overrides the sincerity.