The Art of Listening

[Dill]

(07-29-2019, 04:49 PM)Bengalzona Wrote: I think you are missing a key element here about agenda. The mere fact that you have a different position and your brother-in-law was aware of it through prior conversations (I assume) means that you are already a representative of that agenda whether you say another word about it or not. And how you represent that unspoken agenda through your responses, questions, respect, etc., can have a far heavier influence than any diatribe por la causa that you may give. You cannot argue logic and facts with someone who eschews logic and facts. But it is a good bet that you can reach them emotionally through sincere interest in them. Letting your agenda through overrides the sincerity.

I think that's a good point. This sort of thing works better with no past history weighing on it.

Dino's brother-in-law could never put out of mind all those Thanksgiving dinners when Dino listed reasons why racism was evil and a blemish on the US.

So what's he supposed to think were Dino to finally catch him in a good mood  after a Steeler victory and a couple of beers, and ask, "You know Bro, I'd like to know a little more about why you hate 'them.' No judgment, just curious."  He would know there is going to be no point where Dino would agree--"Now that you mention it, yeah I guess 'they' are kind of lazy."  He'd be on agenda-guard from the get go.