The Art of Listening

[Bengalzona]

(07-29-2019, 05:24 PM)Dill Wrote: I think that's a good point. This sort of thing works better with no past history weighing on it.

Dino's brother-in-law could never put out of mind all those Thanksgiving dinners when Dino listed reasons why racism was evil and a blemish on the US.

So what's he supposed to think were Dino to finally catch him in a good mood  after a Steeler victory and a couple of beers, and ask, "You know Bro, I'd like to know a little more about why you hate 'them.' No judgment, just curious."  He would know there is going to be no point where Dino would agree--"Now that you mention it, yeah I guess 'they' are kind of lazy."  He'd be on agenda-guard from the get go.

But why would the topics discussed have to start with the 'beaten dead horse' ? And why would Dino necessarily have to bring up the 'dead horse'? Maybe after talking about the Thanksgiving dinner and the recent Steelers loss, brother-in-law could make some racist comment and there is an opening for a line of questions:

BiL: "Man them ******* sure are lazy! Just like O-bummer!"

Dino: "Is that what you have seen at work?"

BiL: "Yeah! They don't do sh*t!. And I'll tell you something else, that Kenyan ran this country into the ground!"

Dino: "Do you mean because of Obama Care?"

BiL: "Hell yeah! We are all turning into a bunch of pansy Socialists! Trump will straighten that out, man! What's wrong with you? You usually take up for O-bummer?"

Dino: "Just thought I'd actually listen to what you wanted to say for a change. Maybe I don't know everything."

DiL: "That's for sure! Supportin' O-bummer! You don't know anything!"

Dino: "Maybe knowing things is a little over-rated at times.But I don't get Trump. What do you like about him?"

etc.

I mean, it isn't pretty. You forego the instant gratification of making sure your voice is heard in order to let the other person speak their mind unopposed. Eventually after speaking long enough, they get tired of talking. Not in one conversation. Over time. Particularly if they are just regurgitating rhetoric they have heard somewhere else. And eventually, if given an open floor and some gently leading questions, they will want to talk about everyone's favorite topic: themselves. Humans do that.