McCarron >< Kaepernick

[*SHRacerX*]

(05-13-2017, 07:24 PM)SunsetBengal Wrote: Not to completely derail the thread from Kaepernick politics or anything, but...

Just out of curiosity, what part of Ohio did you grow up in, that made it acceptable to be a fan of both the Bengals and the Browns?  I mean, I am a Native Ohioan, and I seem to remember fanhood distinctions being pretty clear cut growing up.  Were you one of those guys that had both a Boomer Esiason jersey and a Bernie Kosar jersey, and would sport whichever one had the better game, on Monday mornings?  Or, did you play yourself off as a Bengal faithful, and meet secretly with your Browns buddies, on the down low?  C'mon man, Ohio born fans want to know.

I grew up and still live in Centerville, OH.  I have ALWAYS been a Bengal's Fan, #1...over all other sports and teams.  Reds, Buckeyes, UC...I root for all of them but they are miles behind the Bengals.  

As a kid, I liked Bernie Kosar and Mike Pruitt.  I think it started when they beat the steelers in a game that I got to see on TV (not every game was close to being broadcasted in our area).  They rallied and beat the steelers, who I have always hated.  I found myself rooting for them more and more and I just kind of had the Browns as a secondary team.  

Then, I went off to college at BGSU.  I remember telling an incredibly obnoxious Browns fan on my floor (after he insulted my Bengal's T-shirt, as he was wearing a Brown's shirt) that I also rooted for the Browns, but they are my #2 to the Bengals, and I always rooted for the Bengals first.  He became enraged (I'm not kidding) and he yelled:  "Oh no!  No way!  You can't be both!  You are one or the other!" So, I instantly said:  "If you listened, I told you I always root for the Bengals #1, and the Browns are a distant 2nd....I just root for everything Ohio".

This only angered him more, and as the year wore on, any time he would see me he would chide me about my lack of hatred for the Browns.  He ended up flunking out (not a big surprise) at the mid-year point, but other guys that were Browns fans were constantly hating on the Bengals.  I wore a Bengals hat (backwards, and I had a LOT of hair back then) and they loved to take shots at Boomer, the Ickey Shuffle, etc.   

The Bengals went on to go to the Super Bowl that year, and this is when I really started disliking the Browns.  The Browns fans in the dorm were rooting heavily for the 49ers, and would pound on our door when they scored, or something favorable happened for them.  When the Bengals lost in the final seconds, they erupted and acted as though they had been 49er fans their entire lives.  That made me hate the Browns.  The next year, all I wanted was to beat the Browns twice.  

Fast forward about twenty years and I am go to a local sports bar to cool off after an argument with my wife.  I was pretty upset, and just needed to get away for a few hours.  I have a Bengals T-shirt on (of course) and I walk in to the bar and find an absolute explosion of steeler fans all over the bar.  There are steeler jerseys at every seat in the bar, except the one closest to the entrance.  I almost walk out, but someone sees my jersey and yells "We Dey!".  I paused, then took the seat at the end of the bar.  My blood was already boiling and I started thinking I could probably bait one of these assbags in to taking a swing at me and then beating the crap out of him.  

I realize it is a Thursday night game, Browns vs. steelers.  The Browns were a gawd-awful team. They had Brady Quinn at QB and had maybe won three games that season.  

So, a little background, I always though Pig Ben looked like he had a vagina for a face so whenever I would see his ugly mug, I would yell "VAAAAA-GINA!"  The game is starting and they show his face on the sideline, so naturally, I yell "VAAAA-GINA!".  The steeler fan to my left turns to me and says "You callin' Big Ben a *****?".  I said, "Oh, no.  I just think his face LOOKS like a vagina...big difference".  Clearly puzzled by my answer, he dives back in to his nachos.

Then, he makes a poor throw early in the game that is incomplete and they have to punt.  I start in again:  "That a boy, vagiburger!....VAAAAA-GINA!"

I will state at this point that I am neither proud of my actions nor do I think there is something clever about how I yell vagina, but the bar had no kids in it and they had started in on me so I was in full-on asshole mode at this point.  

Some of the steeler fans would say things about Carson Palmer, Mike Brown, or whatever and some made points to tell me to STFU, but I persisted.  VAAAAA-GINA!   Every time he would make a bad play of anything.  The Browns were doing next to nothing on offense, which would lead to celebratory cheers such as "here we go, steelers, here we go!" and I would retort with "around the bowl and down the hole, here you go steelers!".  

Some of the steeler fans were getting really pissed at this point because the Browns were actually shutting down the steelers and I was a lone person cheering whenever they would sack Piggy.  A few went as far to come stand behind me and tell me I had better STFU or leave.  I would either ignore them or say something like my favorite Joe Dirt line:  "Go outside and practice falling down a few times, and I will be there in a few minutes".  They were getting so pissed, which was only accentuated by the fact that the Browns were actually in this game and then took the lead!

As loud as they were when they were ahead, I was louder when the Browns took the lead.  I started calling Piggy Pig Ben and would say things like "Here Piggy, Piggy" and the Browns would sack him and I would laugh hysterically.  I was really enjoying myself at this point.  No, I wasn't drunk.  I had two beers the entire game.  

The game starts to wind down and a few disgruntled steeler fans head to the door.  I antagonize with:  "What?  Where are you going?  There is still time left!  Bwahahahahaha!"  A few shouted back FUs from the door, or gave me the gesture that their team was still "number one".  I would just laugh.  

One by one, each turd at the bar walked by me as they sulked off in defeat.   I did my best to annoy the piss out of them further, but none were biting.  I was completely ready to fight, but that was even wearing off because I was having so much fun.

That night, I became a Browns fan again.  They are miles behind the Bengals, but I don't put any team ahead of Cleveland after Cincy.  I used to be a bigger Colts and Saints fan, but once they won the Super Bowl I kind of let them go.  I guess some of it is that underdog nature.  If the Browns started winning a lot and kicked the Bengal's ass, I am sure I would stop liking them.  

So, Sunset, there you have it....the details behind my odd fandom.  I hope it made you laugh, but it is 100% true.