So I'm writing a screenplay...

[McC]

(10-22-2017, 12:05 AM)Shake n Blake Wrote: I like it. Particularly the idea of everyone in this tiny town fighting over the cash. I do think some of the deaths seem a little too dark, like bashing someone's head against the road repeatedly...but that depends largely on presentation. It also depends on what you're going for. A scene like that would be funnier (to me) if she kept groaning after each hit. Kinda like this scene in Me, Myself and Irene (people "borrow" ideas all the time):





Seems you've already gotten some pretty good ideas so far. I'm off the next 2 days, so I'll try to see if I can come up with any funny death ideas.  

Yes.  Please do.  I love the high quality input I've gotten in just a day.  In a week, I'll have the whole thing.  Then I can disappear with the gold and forget I ever knew any of you and take full credit alone and be hailed as a comic genius.

Nah, if I ever did something like that, an ejected piece of Apollo 13 would fall on my head as I went into the bank to cash the check.  Karma has never, ever cut me the least bit of slack.  I  mean none.  The universe watches my ass like a hawk.  I do wrong, I pay, harshly and suddenly.  

The first two deaths will come out of nowhere, a shock to the audience. The whole little group in the diner when the money comes seem to like each other.  Nobody will see it coming.

When the money shows up, all hell breaks loose, slowly at first and building to completely out of control.  I want the audience to say "Whoa" when the first guy gets it.  Eventually, I want them guessing who gets it next.    And by the end, I want them guessing who survives.  And it doesn't matter if they guess right or not. 

Toying with an ending where the last two original characters kill each other and some minor character comes in for coffee and finds the money, sees the two dead people, doesn't dare take it, slips out the door. 

He drives away, changes his mind(it is a shitload of money, after all), comes back.  As he pulls into the parking lot, one of his neighbors is just getting out of his car, heading for the money, er, that is, the door.  He can't let the other guy get through that door.
Guess what happens next.  Or, should I say, last.