07-05-2019, 10:41 PM
Glenn gets injured in camp. Doesn't play a game. Hart to LT, John Jerry to RT. Worst OL in football. Hart ranks in the bottom 3 Lts in the league and earns a contract extension bumping him to 7 years at 14 mil per guaranteed. Troy Blackburn pats himself on the back for not having to use the new self-checkouts at Walmart.
Bengals finish bottom 5 in both offense and defense, resulting in this being Andy's last year in stripes. AJ moves on to New England to try to get a title before retirement. Boyd wants the hell out of this shit show and eventually signs with his hometown Steelers.
Louie Anal Rim Job, er Anarumo, gets Leslie Fraziered due to his inability to run the defense, to the surprise of no one. Baker Mayfield literally puts his junk in Louie's face on national TV after a 5 TD performance. Mike Brown finds this arousing.
Jim Turner gets a DUI from a female police officer in Covington. Richie Incognito is in town, and he brought some excellent coke for them to share and they have a night on the town full of junk-grabbing and dick jokes. All goes well until they hit a checkpoint on the way to the 75 on-ramp. He gets the old mace and baton when backup arrives after she reports him grabbing her breasts. Paul Alexander becomes OL coach midseason.
In October, it is revealed that Jonah Williams has actually been dead for 7 months.
Joe Mixon is Bengalized and acting the fool by midseason. Barely totals 600 yards behind the train wreck o-line. Threatens to sit out 2020 if more isn't done to improve the OL before the season. Joe Mixon sits out 2020.
Zac Taylor excites the fan base by announcing he'll hire an all-new staff in the wake of the disaster. With the cupboard bare of ex Philbin-era Dolphins assistants, he replicates the entire 2016 UC Bearcats staff in PBS. Tommy Tuberville is hired to coordinate the offense and organize golf outings.
Bengals finish 2-14. Number 1 draft pick secured. Tua pulls an Eli because he doesn't want to be a part of this joke franchise. The Jake Dolegala era begins.
Bengals finish bottom 5 in both offense and defense, resulting in this being Andy's last year in stripes. AJ moves on to New England to try to get a title before retirement. Boyd wants the hell out of this shit show and eventually signs with his hometown Steelers.
Louie Anal Rim Job, er Anarumo, gets Leslie Fraziered due to his inability to run the defense, to the surprise of no one. Baker Mayfield literally puts his junk in Louie's face on national TV after a 5 TD performance. Mike Brown finds this arousing.
Jim Turner gets a DUI from a female police officer in Covington. Richie Incognito is in town, and he brought some excellent coke for them to share and they have a night on the town full of junk-grabbing and dick jokes. All goes well until they hit a checkpoint on the way to the 75 on-ramp. He gets the old mace and baton when backup arrives after she reports him grabbing her breasts. Paul Alexander becomes OL coach midseason.
In October, it is revealed that Jonah Williams has actually been dead for 7 months.
Joe Mixon is Bengalized and acting the fool by midseason. Barely totals 600 yards behind the train wreck o-line. Threatens to sit out 2020 if more isn't done to improve the OL before the season. Joe Mixon sits out 2020.
Zac Taylor excites the fan base by announcing he'll hire an all-new staff in the wake of the disaster. With the cupboard bare of ex Philbin-era Dolphins assistants, he replicates the entire 2016 UC Bearcats staff in PBS. Tommy Tuberville is hired to coordinate the offense and organize golf outings.
Bengals finish 2-14. Number 1 draft pick secured. Tua pulls an Eli because he doesn't want to be a part of this joke franchise. The Jake Dolegala era begins.
