04-02-2023, 08:51 PM
(04-02-2023, 08:28 PM)Matt_Crimson Wrote: I used to think that "better parenting" was a good argument for when these types of things happen, but id say within the last two years I've kinda ditched this. Not that the argument has no validity but I feel like most people use it as a knee jerk reaction, but I've come to realize the argument is flawed for several reasons.
1. It assumes the parents weren't "good" parents.
2. It assumes that the individual is mentally stable.
3. It assumes the individual is receptive to "good parenting" even if the individual is mentally healthy.
4. Lastly, it assumes "good parenting" would have actually prevented the event from happening.
1. To the first point, I don't think it's fair for us who are outside looking in to be declaring that people are "bad parents" or that they could have been "better parents" when we know almost nothing about these people's lives. I mean heck, 99% of the time we don't even know who their parents are, yet we like to stand on our soap box and preach that if their parents were better, then this wouldn't have happened. Why do we believe this? We weren't there when these people were being raised, yet somehow we convince ourselves that we "know" what kind of parents these people have/had.
2. To the second point, we don't know the mental health of these individuals. Nevermind the fact that the majority of us aren't even trained psychologists anyway, "better parenting" doesn't guarantee that a mentally unstable individual won't kill someone.
3. To the third point, just as with the second point, "good parenting" doesn't guarantee that a mentally healthy individual won't kill people either. You kind of relate to this point at the end of your post, which I agree with. Just as you said, people don't need to be complete nut jobs to commit murder. I also don't believe that "bad parenting" is a prerequisite for mass murder. Parents teach their kids all the time not to do bad things like drugs for example, yet you will find innocent Sally under a bridge cracked out from the very thing her parents taught her not to do.
4. Which brings me to the last point that "good parenting" doesn't equate to "peaceful harmony". This is a fantasy land way of thinking. And that's not a shot at people who use the "better parenting" argument, because again, this used to be a huge belief of mine. I just think the argument is a bit unrealistic. We don't really know these people's lives and blanket statements like "better parenting" ignores the nuances of it all.
And to be completely honest, I think the same could be said about the "more mental health access" argument. Not that I don't think that's a good thing, but both arguments are similar in the fact that they make a lot of the same assumptions about the individuals life and what becomes of it based on what they had access too.
Have to agree here.
I've seen kids from all sorts of backgrounds have all sorts of outcomes interchangeably with parenting situations. Some kids that grow up rough with what you consider irresponsible parents actually become successful out of a desire not to re-live their childhood. Some kids who grow up with great parents and tons of resources fall apart when the go out into the real world for the first time. I knew several kids receiving mental health treatment that continued to act out, many even showing worsening behavior.
If you know or have kids, you know that prodding from an authority figure isn't exactly likely to lead to a better outcome. Sometimes the kids themselves have to be aware of a need for change on an internal level, not just because people constantly tell them. If a kid doesn't realize or believe that behavior should change, it likely won't until a consequence takes it's toll. It's pure assumption to believe that all kids receiving mental health treatment are actually going through the process because they desire change. Some are just plain forced by parents or at the recommendation of school figures, etc.
If someone is truly mentally ill, they don't always have the faculties to realize that there's something wrong with their thought process. It's all they know, and self awareness isn't always at a high level.
