Cincinnati Bengals Message Board / Forums - Home of Jungle Noise

(11-19-2017, 01:32 PM)jfkbengals Wrote: [ -> ]Not poisoned food, but poisoned beverages.  Antifreeze in sweet tea, to be exact.  As a going out of business sale, they will obviously be out of certain things, so the beverage options will be sweet tea, water, or coffee.  All you can eat is going to make you need a good amount of beverage to wash it all down.  Coffee and water drinkers wake up the next day, tea drinkers don't!

I like it.

I did not read the whole thread, but it sounds like you don't really have a story.  You need a conflict and a resolution.  

No matter how clever the deaths are it will get boring without a storyline being advanced.

(10-23-2017, 08:48 PM)oncemoreuntothejimbreech Wrote: [ -> ]I imagine Dale and Tucker vs. Evil meets The Hateful Eight and those two movies have an illegitimate love child; your manuscript.

Regarding how many deaths before it isn't funny: Everyone dies. Everyone.

When it comes down to the last two characters; one is killed and the other mortally wounded. The wounded character chains the case to their wrist, hops in a car and starts driving until the see the lights of a diner in the distance, pulls into the parking lot, struggles to a booth, inside the diner you got the same basic collection of characters in another BFE town as in the opening scene, before long they realize the stranger with the case is dead and someone asks, "I wonder what's in the case?"

Fade to black.

Rolling Stones Paint It Black plays as the credits roll.

This is not bad at all.

(01-14-2018, 03:06 PM)fredtoast Wrote: [ -> ]I did not read the whole thread, but it sounds like you don't really have a story.  You need a conflict and a resolution.  

No matter how clever the deaths are it will get boring without a storyline being advanced.

I agree wholeheartedly.  I do have story, conflict and resolution.  They are essential.  I didn't really get into it in the thread because I was just looking for input on all the killing.

Nice work and good luck with it.

(01-29-2018, 12:02 PM)Go Cards Wrote: [ -> ]Nice work and good luck with it.

Thank you.

So, I have an update.

I had a bit of a revelation. The killing wasn't enough. I need more of a story. And I think I've found it.

The town in the story is right next to an Army post. It's a small facility, used for Army National Guard, which means weekends and a couple weeks in the summer.

Eventually, said Army post is about to become a full time, full sized Army base.

The town fathers, such as they are, a three man town council and an elected Mayor, are visited by a shady developer who has gotten wind of the Army thing and want to build a mall right where the town and its surrounding dairy farms stand.

So, how do you get rid of a whole town without spending a fortune buying everybody out? Many ideas are proffered and the one chosen is to do it with money. Not with paid money but with found money. And lots of it.

Introduce an obscene amount of found money and watch the whole town disintegrate under the weight of it. We'll just sit back and watch them wipe each other out, helping the process along whenever necessary. They're all a bunch of poor dumbasses who will never know what hit them.

The guy who brought the money was not supposed to die. He was just supposed to bring in the money and leave it behind. But his death fits the plan even better.