Cincinnati Bengals Message Board / Forums - Home of Jungle Noise

(04-28-2018, 09:30 PM)BengalHawk62 Wrote: [ -> ]Yes you have to look.  How else do you know it’s clean back there?

Sometimes it’s like a brown marker back there, there’s always a brown spot no matter how many times you wipe. 1 or 17

But that's what white underwear is for!

(04-26-2018, 11:34 PM)Storer50 Wrote: [ -> ]You dullards need to invest in a quality bidet.  Nothing feels better than cold water shooting imto your bunghole.

Sent from my SM-J327P using Tapatalk

Ive found those ineffective at cleaning. Ill have an itchy bum 10 minutes later then need to go to the bathroom and wipe and finish the job. 

(04-30-2018, 12:32 PM)WeezyBengal Wrote: [ -> ]Ive found those ineffective at cleaning. Ill have an itchy bum 10 minutes later then need to go to the bathroom and wipe and finish the job. 

Bet you were using the wrong type.

Here is mine.

(04-30-2018, 06:30 PM)fredtoast Wrote: [ -> ]Bet you were using the wrong type.

Here is mine.

That’s not a bidet? That’s the ass blaster 9000 colon destroyer from Karcher. Although it will make the Colonoscopy less embarrassing.

The most important question and one not being asked nor answered is... (drum roll please )  Folder or wadder?  Personally I'm a folder, but I don't go so far as to press and iron.  Just a quick fold a few times does the trick . Just in case and sorry to disappoint, but my rectal regions are not open to inspection by anyone on this board . Only my hairdresser knows and since I don't have a hairdresser I guess everyone is SOL. (shit out of luck literally and figuratively) 
While on the subject , too bad most people pretend to be just soooo disgusted by discussing this very important topic.  It's not  AS IF there's a majority of people who never have to engage in the everyday task of butt wiping. After all, most of us just can't afford to have a dedicated rectal cleansing staff on call 24/7 so we're stuck with having to do the everyday drudgery of doing it ourselves and while we're at it I wonder just how much one would charge to be someone's dedicated rectal cleanser for the well to do.  Personally I wouldn't do it for anything less than $150,000 per toilet paper section and no one size fits all  dedicated specialized paper or cloth. You only get Family Dollar 1000 sheets per roll cardboard/sandpaper type stuff. Lump it or leave it . LOL

Strange terminology surrounding this subject.. I don't take any sh... And don't give a sh... Well which one is it? You either give or take.. You can't take sh...while at the same time  taking A sh... Odd how the single letter A changes the whole thing ,eh?  You don't take sh...,but do take A sh...
"Hey! I gotta take a sh...but don't take any sh... " Everything hinges on A and Any..  Without A or Any you're just up sh...t's creek ,eh? 

(04-30-2018, 07:12 PM)grampahol Wrote: [ -> ]The most important question and one not being asked nor answered is... (drum roll please )  Folder or wadder?  Personally I'm a folder, but I don't go so far as to press and iron.  Just a quick fold a few times does the trick . Just in case and sorry to disappoint, but my rectal regions are not open to inspection by anyone on this board . Only my hairdresser knows and since I don't have a hairdresser I guess everyone is SOL. (shit out of luck literally and figuratively) 
While on the subject , too bad most people pretend to be just soooo disgusted by discussing this very important topic.  It's not  AS IF there's a majority of people who never have to engage in the everyday task of butt wiping. After all, most of us just can't afford to have a dedicated rectal cleansing staff on call 24/7 so we're stuck with having to do the everyday drudgery of doing it ourselves and while we're at it I wonder just how much one would charge to be someone's dedicated rectal cleanser for the well to do.  Personally I wouldn't do it for anything less than $150,000 per toilet paper section and no one size fits all  dedicated specialized paper or cloth. You only get Family Dollar 1000 sheets per roll cardboard/sandpaper type stuff. Lump it or leave it . LOL

Strange terminology surrounding this subject.. I don't take any sh... And don't give a sh... Well which one is it? You either give or take.. You can't take sh...while at the same time  taking A sh... Odd how the single letter A changes the whole thing ,eh?  You don't take sh...,but do take A sh...
"Hey! I gotta take a sh...but don't take any sh... " Everything hinges on A and Any..  Without A or Any you're just up sh...t's creek ,eh? 

I have found that anyone that's a "folder" is just a hoity-toity British snob. When you wipe your mouth do you do it by only dabbing the sides, too? I'm a blue-collar wadder adn proud of it. This is America, God damn it! Take your folded toilet paper back to that island cesspool you call a country with the other Brits whose mouths are as shitty as their bumholes. 

Who wipes?

(05-01-2018, 01:37 PM)Tiger Teeth Wrote: [ -> ]Who wipes?

Wiper no wiping. 
Wiper no wiping.
Wiper nooooooooooooo WIPING!

(04-27-2018, 09:26 AM)Tiger Teeth Wrote: [ -> ]I can't believe we're discussing this.

I'm kinda surprised it took three years into this board before we did.

Well, this convo has a lot of balls in the air (figuratively speaking; literally speaking would mean we're doing this wiping thing all wrong), so to summarize myself:

I fold, wipe up, and continue this process until the tissue is untainted, if you will.  Anything less vigilant than this and I might as well be a raccoon eating out of trash cans and leaving little skidmarks on my raccoon undies.

(05-01-2018, 10:22 AM)PhilHos Wrote: [ -> ]I have found that anyone that's a "folder" is just a hoity-toity British snob. When you wipe your mouth do you do it by only dabbing the sides, too? I'm a blue-collar wadder adn proud of it. This is America, God damn it! Take your folded toilet paper back to that island cesspool you call a country with the other Brits whose mouths are as shitty as their bumholes. 

C'mon man.. Learn at least a little bit of high culture and learn to fold! The people at the Department of shit processing are cataloging this stuff and know who you are!  

(05-01-2018, 10:22 AM)PhilHos Wrote: [ -> ]I have found that anyone that's a "folder" is just a hoity-toity British snob. When you wipe your mouth do you do it by only dabbing the sides, too? I'm a blue-collar wadder adn proud of it. This is America, God damn it! Take your folded toilet paper back to that island cesspool you call a country with the other Brits whose mouths are as shitty as their bumholes. 

I don't get wadders. Fold the damn thing and don't plug up the pipes because you felt the need to make a freakin' oven mitt out of the Charmin.

My son kills me. He needs fiber in his life like fish need water. He takes the Browns to the Superbowl once every three days or so, uses half a roll of paper and clogs up the damn toilet every time. Every time. It'd be easier if he just threw the entire roll in and crapped in the woods like an animal.

(05-07-2018, 01:17 AM)Benton Wrote: [ -> ]I don't get wadders. Fold the damn thing and don't plug up the pipes because you felt the need to make a freakin' oven mitt out of the Charmin.

My son kills me. He needs fiber in his life like fish need water. He takes the Browns to the Superbowl once every three days or so, uses half a roll of paper and clogs up the damn toilet every time. Every time. It'd be easier if he just threw the entire roll in and crapped in the woods like an animal.

(05-07-2018, 01:17 AM)Benton Wrote: [ -> ]I don't get wadders. Fold the damn thing and don't plug up the pipes because you felt the need to make a freakin' oven mitt out of the Charmin.

My son kills me. He needs fiber in his life like fish need water. He takes the Browns to the Superbowl once every three days or so, uses half a roll of paper and clogs up the damn toilet every time. Every time. It'd be easier if he just threw the entire roll in and crapped in the woods like an animal.

I'm seriously laughing out loud at work here. :) 

 I'm afraid I'm going to be in the same boat when my son grows into that age.  at 6 months, the only thing I'm worrying about is if his diaper can hold everything he's crapping out. 

(05-07-2018, 01:17 AM)Benton Wrote: [ -> ]I don't get wadders. Fold the damn thing and don't plug up the pipes because you felt the need to make a freakin' oven mitt out of the Charmin.

My son kills me. He needs fiber in his life like fish need water. He takes the Browns to the Superbowl once every three days or so, uses half a roll of paper and clogs up the damn toilet every time. Every time. It'd be easier if he just threw the entire roll in and crapped in the woods like an animal.

Not to derail the shit wiping thread too much, but how is your son doing after the shooting?

My way, your way, anything goes tonight.

The thread that lives forever, lol

(05-01-2018, 10:22 AM)PhilHos Wrote: [ -> ]I have found that anyone that's a "folder" is just a hoity-toity British snob. When you wipe your mouth do you do it by only dabbing the sides, too? I'm a blue-collar wadder adn proud of it. This is America, God damn it! Take your folded toilet paper back to that island cesspool you call a country with the other Brits whose mouths are as shitty as their bumholes. 

Well you cretins can stick to your 2-ply or *gasp* 1-ply.  The upright non-knuckledragging members of society will fold our doilies and pat clean our orifices in a civilized manner. Now go fetch me some clean linen you rube!!

wiping down is like shaving against the grain...it's not advised

I'm like the North Korean President. I have never pooped.

No folding OR wadding for me.

Just wet corn cobs. I get 'em for free by the truckload. Keep 'em in a water bucket next to the toilet.

You guys don't know what you are missing.