Quote:Morgue Assistant Uses Testicles From Corpses To Help Win Annual Spaghetti Cook-Off

July 27, 2022 admin news 0



Carterville, Il – Linda Anders (41), had been a participant in Carterville’s annual spaghetti cook-off for the last 12 years. In those dozen years, the highest she had placed was 2nd and Linda knew 2nd was just the first loser. For 2022 and lucky contest number 13, Linda used a secret ingredient that she was sure would give her that extra edge and earn herself the blue ribbon she so desired.

Anders worked as a morgue assistant for the County Williamson. For the 11 months leading up the cook-off, Linda collected the testes from deceased adult males. She would slice ’em, dice ’em and sew ’em up without attracting attention. And who was going to notice the missing balls of a dead man anyway?
Carterville is such an unassuming locale for a story like this. Residents were hesitant to comment.

The night before the cook-off Linda was hard at work preparing her sauce and dropping balls. The next day when the judges went around tasting all the contestants entries, her table had the most attention. Judges were going back for second helpings, something they had never done with her previous entries. The time for the judges to crown a winner was soon approaching. One judge went back for thirds. Only there would be a problem on that third plate of spaghetti that would derail all of Linda Anders dreams. That problem… a prosthetic testicle!

The judge chomped down on a meatball and the silicone rubber testicle filled with saline exploded into his mouth and the jig was up. Upon closer inspection of Anders meatballs, a discovery was made. The meatballs were not meatballs in the traditional sense, but human testicles. Anders was arrested on site without incident. When asked if she would like an attorney, she would only respond by inquiring if she had won the cook-off. Looks like she dropped the ball when it came to quality control. She need not worry about her meals for the next 10-15 years according to sources inside the district attorneys office.

(07-30-2022, 10:05 PM)jfkbengals Wrote: "I'll take 'Things I never wanted to know a human being has done' for 500 Alex"

EDIT:  Oops, I guess it should say Ken or Mayim now.

(08-03-2022, 01:19 PM)grampahol Wrote: Ancient Chinese secret.. 
You know what street food vendors in China cook with? Sewer grease..Plenty of live video of Chinese food vendors lift up sewer covers and scoop out the grease and cook with it. 

(08-03-2022, 01:34 PM)SunsetBengal Wrote: Yes, yes and the Teriyaki chicken is really cat legs, and Taco Bell uses human feces.  Never any end to the atrocities..

(08-06-2022, 01:38 PM)grampahol Wrote: Remember that story about a Chinese restaurant in this country where they were selling road kill deer meat? The only reason they were caught was an inspector just happened to be driving by and saw a deer hoof sticking out of the dumpster behind the place.  Trust em if you want, but I don't.. 

(08-06-2022, 05:54 PM)Truck_1_0_1_ Wrote: You don't want to eat deer?

If I had deer served to me at a Chinese restaurant, I'd go nuts!

(08-06-2022, 08:24 PM)Nate (formerly eliminate08) Wrote: A fresh road killed deer just barely hit in the head is one of the best plates a friend of mine has ever had.

You just don't let them sit, get them off the road quick and it has to be in the winter around here.

That other stuff Gramps mentioned was just plain disgusting though WTF!!!???

(08-07-2022, 01:29 PM)samhain Wrote: I was party to a conversation with some dude sat work once.  I'm not going into details, because there are specifics at play that would probably not be politically correct.  Anyway here goes:

One of the younger guys in our little part of the shop was into meeting women on apps like Tinder and the like.  He'd been frequenting the domicile of a particular woman, who, according to him had insisted that he eat the spaghetti, bbq, and chili she'd cook for him when they arranged to meet.   The common denominator was that there was always a red sauce present in the meal. They always met at her place, btw.  

An older co-worker was discussing his dating habits with him, and started laughing.  He may have been messing with this dude and he may have been serious, but I can't say for sure.  He told the young man that it was common practice for some women to put menstrual blood into food as a perceived method of seducing and retaining a desired man.  

Now , there were several of us present, and it became quite uncomfortable for the young man.  I have no idea if this happens or how common it may be, but that was the first time I'd heard of it.  

Side note:  my wife has always made terrific chili.

(08-07-2022, 01:44 PM)Nate (formerly eliminate08) Wrote: Creepy, is that a Wiccan practice or somethin'?

(08-07-2022, 01:29 PM)samhain Wrote: I was party to a conversation with some dudes at work once.  I'm not going into details, because there are specifics at play that would probably not be politically correct.  Anyway here goes:

One of the younger guys in our little part of the shop was into meeting women on apps like Tinder and the like.  He'd been frequenting the domicile of a particular woman, who, according to him had insisted that he eat the spaghetti, bbq, and chili she'd cook for him when they arranged to meet.   The common denominator was that there was always a red sauce present in the meal. They always met at her place, btw.  

An older co-worker was discussing his dating habits with him, and started laughing.  He may have been messing with this dude and he may have been serious, but I can't say for sure.  He told the young man that it was common practice for some women to put menstrual blood into food as a perceived method of seducing and retaining a desired man.  

Now , there were several of us present, and it became quite uncomfortable for the young man.  I have no idea if this happens or how common it may be, but that was the first time I'd heard of it.  

Side note:  my wife has always made terrific chili.

(08-07-2022, 06:06 PM)samhain Wrote: I have no idea.  Not familiar with Wicca or practical witchcraft.  I've googled it and it is apparently present in both Sicilian and African cultures.  FWIW, I also found out that ground toenail clippings are sometimes used for similar purposes.