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+--- Thread: Speaking of finding people... (/thread-5609.html)
Speaking of finding people... - mallorian69 - 03-10-2016
A little bit of background. My father, and I used the term lightly, left before I was born. Before my daughter was born I tried to find him just to find out if there were any genetic issues I should be watching for with my new child. Although I was unsuccessful in getting any info from him I did learn through a distant relation that he had another son and a daughter with a different woman.
Fast forward 19 years. My wife was asking what my last name would have been if I had been given my sperm donors name and it got me thinking. I did a few people searches and found possible relatives of his that were the right age to be my brother and sister so I decided to look them up on Facebook.
Three nights ago my wife (I was too chicken) sent him a message asking what his father's name was. The next night we got a response. Obviously he was cautious not knowing why she was asking so she told him. After about an hour of back and forth on fb he asked if he could call. She answered (again I was too chicken) and talked to him for a few minutes before I could work up the nerve to talk to him. After knowing of them for nearly 20 years I was finally able to talk to my brother!
He of course had no idea I existed but it turns out they had lived most of their lives only 50 miles from me. He currently lives in Georgia but we both agreed it would not be the last conversation we would have and that we would try to meet up sometime soon.
Although I have yet to hear from my sister, my new found brother has talked to her about me and I am hoping to hear from her as well in the near future.
RE: Speaking of finding people... - Belsnickel - 03-11-2016
Best wishes on this, man. My father had something similar going on. His biological father left his mother when he was very young. He had a step-father that he considers his real father. He met his father only one time, when my father returned from Vietnam. His father had another family and his second wife didn't want her children to know anything about him. The first time his half-siblings knew he existed was when he went to their grandmother's funeral. Jaws dropped because my father looked just like his father (and I follow suit). To this day he has only made contact with the youngest of his 7 half-siblings, and she is the same age as my sister.
RE: Speaking of finding people... - bengal_fan_in_toronto - 03-11-2016
good luck with that mallorian...hopefully all good things come out of it for you brother.
my birth father died when i was only 7 months old. his side of the family completely disowned my mother after that. according to them, it was her fault he ended up with leukemia. (old school narrow minded/idiotic southern Italians.) they told her it would have been better off had i never been born. that way they would never have to see her again.
She told them...not a problem. you'll never see either of us again. needless to say. i have a couple of aunts/uncles/cousins out there and i have no clue who they are.
my mother did remarry 6 years later and my dad (don't consider him a "stepdad") and her are quite happy 36 years later.
everything happens for a reason.
i have never even been to my father's grave-site. i know exactly where it is. i have been meaning to go, but haven't had the time. i have no ill will towards him obviously. its his family that are a bunch of bozos
RE: Speaking of finding people... - fredtoast - 03-11-2016
My ex-wife's dad was a real tomcat. He had 2 illegitimate children by two different women before he was ever married, then he got married three times. Altogether he had 6 kids.
The two illegitimate kids had no idea who their father was, but they were a boy and a girl and they ended up attending the same high school. At that point their mothers told them who their father was to avoid the chance that they might start dating each other.
RE: Speaking of finding people... - mallorian69 - 03-11-2016
Thanks guys. It really is a very strange feeling. I just wish I wouldn't ha e waited so long to try and find them.
RE: Speaking of finding people... - Awful Llama - 03-14-2016
My father left my mom and my sister when I was ten, chasing after a woman that had zero plans to leave her own spouse and children. Only he could tell you if his life worked out better, but it didn't in my opinion.
You didn't mention it, but is your father still alive? I'm also curious if you looked at your brother on facebook and noticed any shared features between the two of you?
You'll probably will have more in common to discuss than you might imagine. Bad fathers tend to stay bad fathers, so even if he didn't abandon your brother and sister he probably left a few scars with them anyway. Good luck if you meet up with them.
RE: Speaking of finding people... - mallorian69 - 03-15-2016
Yes he is still alive and as hard as it is to believe has a piss poor relationship with my brother and sister.
My brother told my wife that as soon as he saw my picture he said "that's my brother!" We have the same eyes and nose. My sister looks more like their mom. Maybe the same eyes but that's about it.
I haven't talked on the phone with my sister yet but we have been talking on Facebook and plan to meet up in early June.