How Do I Tell People To Back Off?

[BFritz21]

Last night, I'm sitting at the bar at Wings & Rings watching the game and ordering food.

This guy sits next to me and starts talking to me and asking what happened and just talking about nothing. He's going on and on about nothing and I'm just thinking "I just want to relax and watch the game," but I keep listening and answering questions.

Then, he goes into how his son got into trouble with the law and, when the police came to arrest him, he put a gun to his head, and accidentally shot himself because the pistol had hair trigger. Weird story but I'm not about to ask any questions or anything.

What happened to me has nothing to do with what happened to his son but he just knew that I had experienced tragedy so it helped him to open up to me, which he told me. I'm hoping it ends there because, like I said, I just wanted to relax and watch the game.

The guy had been coughing and sneezing into his hands all night and hugging me. When my food comes, I cut up some of it, set the knife on my plate, and start to eat. He keeps talking and asking me questions, which was annoying because I had to stop eating to type out answers.

I'm almost finished with the first few things I had cut and he picks up my knife in the middle of the blade and goes to cut up my food for me.



I quickly grab it back after he cuts into a piece like "what the hell?"

I know Covid doesn't seem like much of an issue anymore, but it's still just something that goes against common decency, especially after he had been coughing and sneezing into his hands.



How do I explain to people that I have boundaries without being a dick? I feel like there was no way for me to do it without ruining the guy's night and making him feel like a dick.

[Wes Mantooth]

You could go with the direct approach: "I'm sorry, but I'd like to be left alone please."

But it might be easier just to be a bit more gentle with an excuse that still tells them the same: "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling all that well today. It was nice meeting you though."

Or, at least right now, you could use the Covid excuse: "Nice to meet you, sir. But my immune system is compromised. I'm really not even supposed to be here. Please keep a distance."

Or, maybe better than any of them, be a dick about it: "Can you please back the **** up off me. I'm trying to watch the damn game." I mean, what's he going to do, hit you? And what do you risk by pissing him off? Losing a future friend, or his riveting conversation?

[grampahol]

There are so many ways to deal with this it defies numbers, but the easiest is to simply ignore him or just pick up and move to another table. 
Still, there's no crime in just telling the guy to back off plain and simple. I've never been too shy to tell someone I'm not interested. Not everyone is interested in every boring story. 
Even so, sitting in a bar is a recipe for getting your ear bent by someone who wants to go on and on and on about what amounts to nothing. I've been in both places, the ear bender as well as ear bendee. It's just one of the many many MANY reasons I don't waste my time in bars anymore..oh..and I quit drinking alcohol so win/win..  

[Stewy]

Sir (or name). It has been good talking to you, and I don't want to be rude, but I'm not feeling very social this evening and just want to relax with the game and my meal. Again i apologize, but I don't feel like talking to people tonight. Have a good evening.

and ignore him.

if he persists, then either remind him you don't wish to talk or move tables.

[WeezyBengal]

I take this approach:

If its not someone im interested in, I came to the realization that I will most likely never see or talk to them again in my life after the current encounter. It sucks to be rude to people, but just say "Can you please leave me alone?". That's all you need to say.

Now if its a co worker or a family member or friend then obviously I wouldnt take that approach, but a complete stranger? We'll see ya...

[Sled21]

Tell him you like girls.....

[*michaelsean*]

I'd have been cool letting someone let something out because they thought I might understand...until he cut my meat for me. I mean wtf?

[BFritz21]

(07-01-2021, 09:47 AM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: You could go with the direct approach: "I'm sorry, but I'd like to be left alone please."

I'd feel like too big of a dick.  

I maybe could say "you mind if I eat this before it gets cold?"  It did get cold, so that would have been a good one.

(07-01-2021, 09:47 AM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: But it might be easier just to be a bit more gentle with an excuse that still tells them the same: "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling all that well today.  It was nice meeting you though." 

He was sitting next to me so I don't think that would have worked because he would have just kept talking.  

I did try to start eating and that's when he picked up my knife and tried to cut and I started flipping out (not too bad but I grabbed the knife and just said that I was too freaked because of Covid).

(07-01-2021, 09:47 AM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: Or, at least right now, you could use the Covid excuse:  "Nice to meet you, sir.  But my immune system is compromised.  I'm really not even supposed to be here.  Please keep a distance."

He was so into his story that I really didn't have a chance to even type much of anything.  The workers were laughing and made jokes when he went to the bathroom because they could tell that I was in hell.

(07-01-2021, 09:47 AM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: Or, maybe better than any of them, be a dick about it:  "Can you please back the **** up off me.  I'm trying to watch the damn game."  I mean, what's he going to do, hit you?  And what do you risk by pissing him off?  Losing a future friend, or his riveting conversation?

With how fragile and emotional this guy was, I couldn't do that.

What I could lose is he could tell people that I was a dick and word spreads in Northern Kentucky worse than high school gossip.  

(07-01-2021, 10:06 AM)grampahol Wrote: There are so many ways to deal with this it defies numbers, but the easiest is to simply ignore him or just pick up and move to another table. 
Still, there's no crime in just telling the guy to back off plain and simple. I've never been too shy to tell someone I'm not interested. Not everyone is interested in every boring story. 
Even so, sitting in a bar is a recipe for getting your ear bent by someone who wants to go on and on and on about what amounts to nothing. I've been in both places, the ear bender as well as ear bendee. It's just one of the many many MANY reasons I don't waste my time in bars anymore..oh..and I quit drinking alcohol so win/win..  

It was Wings & Rings, so not technically a bar, and I almost sat at a table but it was pretty packed with families so I didn't want to occupy a four-person table just for me.  

(07-01-2021, 10:30 AM)Stewy Wrote: Sir (or name).  It has been good talking to you, and I don't want to be rude, but I'm not feeling very social this evening and just want to relax with the game and my meal.  Again i apologize, but I don't feel like talking to people tonight.  Have a good evening.

and ignore him.

if he persists, then either remind him you don't wish to talk or move tables.

At one point, I think I did say "I need to eat before this gets cold," but he kept talking and then tried to cut up my boneless wings.

(07-01-2021, 11:47 AM)WeezyBengal Wrote: I take this approach:

If its not someone im interested in, I came to the realization that I will most likely never see or talk to them again in my life after the current encounter. It sucks to be rude to people, but just say "Can you please leave me alone?". That's all you need to say.

Now if its a co worker or a family member or friend then obviously I wouldnt take that approach, but a complete stranger? We'll see ya...

My name's too big around here, especially with this calendar and waving to cars.

(07-01-2021, 01:39 PM)Sled21 Wrote: Tell him you like girls.....

I really don't think it would have mattered because this dude was giving off Sandusky vibes..........

(07-01-2021, 03:29 PM)michaelsean Wrote: I'd have been cool letting someone let something out because they thought I might understand...until he cut my meat for me.  I mean wtf?

Exactly.

And there's just a point because then he also started going into how he was divorced.  

[HarleyDog]

Shit yourself and enjoy your food and game.

[CarolinaBengalFanGuy]

(07-01-2021, 06:11 PM)HarleyDog Wrote: Shit yourself and enjoy your food and game.

Idk this guy sounds like he’d want to wipe his ass for him

[Sled21]

(07-01-2021, 04:35 PM)BFritz21 Wrote: I'd feel like too big of a dick.  

I maybe could say "you mind if I eat this before it gets cold?"  It did get cold, so that would have been a good one.


He was sitting next to me so I don't think that would have worked because he would have just kept talking.  

I did try to start eating and that's when he picked up my knife and tried to cut and I started flipping out (not too bad but I grabbed the knife and just said that I was too freaked because of Covid).
He was so into his story that I really didn't have a chance to even type much of anything.  The workers were laughing and made jokes when he went to the bathroom because they could tell that I was in hell.

With how fragile and emotional this guy was, I couldn't do that.

What I could lose is he could tell people that I was a dick and word spreads in Northern Kentucky worse than high school gossip.  


It was Wings & Rings, so not technically a bar, and I almost sat at a table but it was pretty packed with families so I didn't want to occupy a four-person table just for me.  
At one point, I think I did say "I need to eat before this gets cold," but he kept talking and then tried to cut up my boneless wings.
My name's too big around here, especially with this calendar and waving to cars.
I really don't think it would have mattered because this dude was giving off Sandusky vibes..........



Exactly.

And there's just a point because then he also started going into how he was divorced.  

Knew it.... dude was hitting on you.

[MileHighGrowler]

(07-02-2021, 01:44 PM)Sled21 Wrote: Knew it.... dude was hitting on you.

He was suspiciously forward about touching Brad's meat.

[XenoMorph]

a win win scenario would just be to ask the person for money.... They will either leave you alone with the quickness or you get some money.

[Wes Mantooth]

(07-01-2021, 04:35 PM)BFritz21 Wrote: At one point, I think I did say "I need to eat before this gets cold," but he kept talking and then tried to cut up my boneless wings.

Wowsers.

1.) Did this man take your wheelchair to mean you're incapable of eating?

2.) Who in the hell cuts a boneless wing?  You just take a bite out of it, and then take another.  It's not like you're picking up a 14oz steak with a fork.

Please tell me this man was drunk.  I won't excuse the behavior but it might help explain it at least.  Cuz if this guy was sober then this is ridiculous amount of lack of self-awareness.

PS I did think of a few more options you can take to try to drive people like this away. 

1.) Carry around pamphlets for The Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints.  You know those weirdos that come to your door at like 8am on Sundays?  Those guys.  As soon as someone starts bothering you hit them with one of those suckers and start asking them if they've found Christ.

2.) Very similar to number 1.  Switch the paphlets for a MLM/Pyramid scheme.  Start trying to sell them Amway, Nutri-Max or Timeshares or some shit.

3.) Find one of those bands that people are crazy for.  Like one of those K-Pop bands.  As soon as they start talking you ear off ask them if they like the band, which of them is their favorite member, and ask them if they want to go to a concert some time.

[masonbengals fan]

Knowing me I would have been nice even if I didn't want to hear it till he touched my knife.

[BFritz21]

(07-02-2021, 02:27 PM)XenoMorph Wrote: a win win scenario would just be to ask the person for money....   They will either leave you alone with the quickness or you get some money.

I couldn't do that, even as a way to get rid of him, because I know he most likely would have given me money and then I'd feel like an even bigger dick.

On another note, I rolled into Taste of Belgium last night to see if they had a TV so I could get some waffles while I watched the game, and they didn't but a friend of mine that works there was training to be a bartender, so I ordered a drink before I went next door to Wings & Rings again to watch the game there.  

This kid in his early 20s(?) walks up to the bar and he kind of has on scraggly clothes and doesn't look too clean-cut.  I introduce myself and we get chatting and he seems like he's getting a lot out of it.  I'd feel like a dick just leaving, especially since I was just going next door, so I ask him if he wants to come.  He says yes so I tell him I'm going to roll to the bathroom and then we'll go.

I get back and he had paid my tab (I ended up drinking two or three while we were chatting) and then we go next door.  

I order food, have a few drinks, and watch the game.  He was talking a lot, which it wasn't too much but more than I wanted because I wanted to just relax and watch the game.  At some point, he takes my number and then I roll to the bathroom and I'm chatting with people on my way there and back.  I get back and he says he's going to leave but thanked me for hanging out.

I go to pay my tab and he had already paid it.  

Then, today, he sends me one text with "nice to meet you, it was good hanging out, let's do it again" blah blah blah, so I respond with "my pleasure!"

I didn't mind hanging out or anything but I'm just hoping he doesn't try to make it a regular thing and doesn't start showing up at Wings & Rings regularly because he was nice and all but just not the type of cat I usually hang out with.

[XenoMorph]

(07-02-2021, 02:47 PM)BFritz21 Wrote: I couldn't do that, even as a way to get rid of him, because I know he most likely would have given me money and then I'd feel like an even bigger dick.

On another note, I rolled into Taste of Belgium last night to see if they had a TV so I could get some waffles while I watched the game, and they didn't but a friend of mine that works there was training to be a bartender, so I ordered a drink before I went next door to Wings & Rings again to watch the game there.  

This kid in his early 20s(?) walks up to the bar and he kind of has on scraggly clothes and doesn't look too clean-cut.  I introduce myself and we get chatting and he seems like he's getting a lot out of it.  I'd feel like a dick just leaving, especially since I was just going next door, so I ask him if he wants to come.  He says yes so I tell him I'm going to roll to the bathroom and then we'll go.

I get back and he had paid my tab (I ended up drinking two or three while we were chatting) and then we go next door.  

I order food, have a few drinks, and watch the game.  He was talking a lot, which it wasn't too much but more than I wanted because I wanted to just relax and watch the game.  At some point, he takes my number and then I roll to the bathroom and I'm chatting with people on my way there and back.  I get back and he says he's going to leave but thanked me for hanging out.

I go to pay my tab and he had already paid it.  

Then, today, he sends me one text with "nice to meet you, it was good hanging out, let's do it again" blah blah blah, so I respond with "my pleasure!"

I didn't mind hanging out or anything but I'm just hoping he doesn't try to make it a regular thing and doesn't start showing up at Wings & Rings regularly because he was nice and all but just not the type of cat I usually hang out with.

Well at least you got some free drinks lol...      
And making a friend.

[jfkbengals]

(07-01-2021, 09:47 AM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: Or, at least right now, you could use the Covid excuse:  "Nice to meet you, sir.  But my immune system is compromised.  I'm really not even supposed to be here.  Please keep a distance."

This is similar to how I deal with telemarketers: "I'm sorry, but I'm Amish.  I'm not even supposed to be on the phone"

(07-01-2021, 10:30 AM)Stewy Wrote: Sir (or name).  It has been good talking to you, and I don't want to be rude, but I'm not feeling very social this evening and just want to relax with the game and my meal.  Again i apologize, but I don't feel like talking to people tonight.  Have a good evening.

and ignore him.

if he persists, then either remind him you don't wish to talk or move tables.

Brad, Stewy's advise is the best you can do.  It's being polite and honest.  If necessary, you can always throw in that you are only there because that is the only way you have to see the particular game and would have preferred having alone time at home to do so but could not.

[*Nate (formerly eliminate08)*]

(07-01-2021, 09:47 AM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: You could go with the direct approach: "I'm sorry, but I'd like to be left alone please."

But it might be easier just to be a bit more gentle with an excuse that still tells them the same: "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling all that well today.  It was nice meeting you though."

Or, at least right now, you could use the Covid excuse:  "Nice to meet you, sir.  But my immune system is compromised.  I'm really not even supposed to be here.  Please keep a distance."

Or, maybe better than any of them, be a dick about it:  "Can you please back the **** up off me.  I'm trying to watch the damn game."  I mean, what's he going to do, hit you?  And what do you risk by pissing him off?  Losing a future friend, or his riveting conversation?

Yes, and I vote #3 LOL!!!

I might get voted the nicest poster on this board a lot but I am not that way in real life a lot of the time.

Some bastid taking your knife and cutting your steak for you!!! Fight be on with me.

[*Synric*]

If you go to the Bar and sit at the bar that's saying you want to chat with people no if's ands or buts... The guy did go to far when he touched your food.