How Do I Tell People To Back Off?

[*Nate (formerly eliminate08)*]

(07-02-2021, 09:59 PM)Synric Wrote: If you go to the Bar and sit at the bar that's saying you want to chat with people no if's ands or buts... The guy did go to far when he touched your food.

[Sled21]

(07-02-2021, 02:47 PM)BFritz21 Wrote: I couldn't do that, even as a way to get rid of him, because I know he most likely would have given me money and then I'd feel like an even bigger dick.

On another note, I rolled into Taste of Belgium last night to see if they had a TV so I could get some waffles while I watched the game, and they didn't but a friend of mine that works there was training to be a bartender, so I ordered a drink before I went next door to Wings & Rings again to watch the game there.  

This kid in his early 20s(?) walks up to the bar and he kind of has on scraggly clothes and doesn't look too clean-cut.  I introduce myself and we get chatting and he seems like he's getting a lot out of it.  I'd feel like a dick just leaving, especially since I was just going next door, so I ask him if he wants to come.  He says yes so I tell him I'm going to roll to the bathroom and then we'll go.

I get back and he had paid my tab (I ended up drinking two or three while we were chatting) and then we go next door.  

I order food, have a few drinks, and watch the game.  He was talking a lot, which it wasn't too much but more than I wanted because I wanted to just relax and watch the game.  At some point, he takes my number and then I roll to the bathroom and I'm chatting with people on my way there and back.  I get back and he says he's going to leave but thanked me for hanging out.

I go to pay my tab and he had already paid it.  

Then, today, he sends me one text with "nice to meet you, it was good hanging out, let's do it again" blah blah blah, so I respond with "my pleasure!"

I didn't mind hanging out or anything but I'm just hoping he doesn't try to make it a regular thing and doesn't start showing up at Wings & Rings regularly because he was nice and all but just not the type of cat I usually hang out with.

Dude, that's twice... I'd be checking the back of your chair to make sure one of your buddies hasn't put a rainbow flag on it or something....

[Sled21]

(07-02-2021, 02:32 PM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: Wowsers.



2.) Who in the hell cuts a boneless wing? 

Who in the hell even eats a boneless wing?

[CarolinaBengalFanGuy]

(07-03-2021, 10:33 AM)Sled21 Wrote: Who in the hell even eats a boneless wing?

Zaxbys slipped a boneless wing in my 10 piece last weekend. Probably cuz no one was buying them. It was dry despite being covered in sauce

[kalibengal]

(07-01-2021, 09:47 AM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: You could go with the direct approach: "I'm sorry, but I'd like to be left alone please."

But it might be easier just to be a bit more gentle with an excuse that still tells them the same: "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling all that well today.  It was nice meeting you though."

Or, at least right now, you could use the Covid excuse:  "Nice to meet you, sir.  But my immune system is compromised.  I'm really not even supposed to be here.  Please keep a distance."

Or, maybe better than any of them, be a dick about it:  "Can you please back the **** up off me.  I'm trying to watch the damn game."  I mean, what's he going to do, hit you?  And what do you risk by pissing him off?  Losing a future friend, or his riveting conversation?

the guy sounds "off" to say the least....I would have just left not knowing what kind of mental state he was in or any weapons? .  

[CarolinaBengalFanGuy]

(07-03-2021, 11:24 AM)kalibengal Wrote: the guy sounds "off" to say the least....I would have just left not knowing what kind of mental state he was in or any weapons? .  

We’ll have to ask Bfritz what he was wearing to this place. Maybe he was asking for the attention.

[BFritz21]

(07-04-2021, 12:36 AM)CarolinaBengalFanGuy Wrote: We’ll have to ask Bfritz what he was wearing to this place. Maybe he was asking for the attention.

Never thought about it that way but, now that you mention it, I was wearing shorts and, despite not working real well, I do have incredibly sexy legs........

I guess I should take these things into consideration before I go out places..........

[fredtoast]

(07-03-2021, 10:32 AM)Sled21 Wrote: Dude, that's twice... I'd be checking the back of your chair to make sure one of your buddies hasn't put a rainbow flag on it or something....

Look closer.

Brad was the one who introduced himself.

Brad was the one who asked the guy to come to another bar with him.  

Brad was the one who gave the guy his number.

Now he is all "I hope he doesn't call" while checking his phone every five minutes.

[Wes Mantooth]

(07-04-2021, 12:36 AM)CarolinaBengalFanGuy Wrote: We’ll have to ask Bfritz what he was wearing to this place. Maybe he was asking for the attention.

[*Nate (formerly eliminate08)*]

You guys kill me lol

[samhain]

Over the years, I've gotten pretty good at conveying my interest in conversation without actually using words. People don't like it when you ignore them, particularly in conversations like the ones you mention. Confrontation is all well and good, but the real insult to that kind of person is to let them feel ignored and unwanted. They'll get tired of the one-way conversation and go away.

[BFritz21]

(07-04-2021, 09:28 AM)fredtoast Wrote: Look closer.

Brad was the one who introduced himself.

I introduced myself because he was standing next to me looking at me.

(07-04-2021, 09:28 AM)fredtoast Wrote: Brad was the one who asked the guy to come to another bar with him.  

I asked him to go to the restaurant, not bar, next door because he was next to me staring at with me and the kid was obviously getting something out of chatting with me so I was being polite.

(07-04-2021, 09:28 AM)fredtoast Wrote: Brad was the one who gave the guy his number.

He asked for my number.  You expect me to say no?  

(07-04-2021, 09:28 AM)fredtoast Wrote: Now he is all "I hope he doesn't call" while checking his phone every five minutes.

I said I hope he doesn't make it a regular thing.  I also never said I check my phone at all hoping that he doesn't text me.

Most of your replies to my posts are filled with insults, false information, and empty rhetoric because you think we're all too stupid to see and then I rip them apart.

You should stop trying so hard.

[sandwedge]

(07-05-2021, 12:34 AM)samhain Wrote: Over the years, I've gotten pretty good at conveying my interest in conversation without actually using words.  People don't like it when you ignore them, particularly in conversations like the ones you mention.  Confrontation is all well and good, but the real insult to that kind of person is to let them feel ignored and unwanted.  They'll get tired of the one-way conversation and go away.

Total agree with you. I'm pretty social, but when I don't feel like it, I can usually convey the message to not bother me pretty quickly. 

[BFritz21]

(07-05-2021, 12:34 AM)samhain Wrote: Over the years, I've gotten pretty good at conveying my interest in conversation without actually using words. People don't like it when you ignore them, particularly in conversations like the ones you mention. Confrontation is all well and good, but the real insult to that kind of person is to let them feel ignored and unwanted. They'll get tired of the one-way conversation and go away.

(07-05-2021, 02:13 AM)sandwedge Wrote: Total agree with you. I'm pretty social, but when I don't feel like it, I can usually convey the message to not bother me pretty quickly. 

I’m not saying I’m famous or anything, but one of the reasons that I’m so well-known and so popular in the area is because I’m always smiling and I will chat with anyone, so I can’t really just give off the “leave me alone” vibe.

I normally don’t mind and I’ll chat with anyone about anything but some people are just over-the-top.

[Sled21]

(07-05-2021, 12:49 AM)BFritz21 Wrote: He asked for my number.  You expect me to say no?  

Hell Yes! Some random dude in a bar asks me for my phone number, he sure as crap ain't getting it. 

[samhain]

(07-05-2021, 02:13 AM)sandwedge Wrote: Total agree with you. I'm pretty social, but when I don't feel like it, I can usually convey the message to not bother me pretty quickly. 

I feel like the key is to remember all the times that I've unintentionally insulted someone or hurt someone's feelings.  I then just take that and direct it to someone I don't want to deal with.  People like the one mentioned are seeking attention.  Deny them the attention and move on.

[samhain]

(07-05-2021, 09:47 AM)BFritz21 Wrote: I’m not saying I’m famous or anything, but one of the reasons that I’m so well-known and so popular in the area is because I’m always smiling and I will chat with anyone, so I can’t really just give off the “leave me alone” vibe.

I normally don’t mind and I’ll chat with anyone about anything but some people are just over-the-top.

All this may be true, but you still need to compartmentalize. There is a public life and there is a private life.  When work intersects with public, some people will get the idea that you are always at their disposal no matter what your mental state is.  People today have a really hard time accepting that there are people in the world other than themselves, and that those people are not in their service 24-7.  If you can't find ways to create boundaries, then you probably need to avoid going out if you find yourself in a less social mindset.

[BFritz21]

(07-05-2021, 11:42 AM)samhain Wrote: All this may be true, but you still need to compartmentalize. There is a public life and there is a private life.  When work intersects with public, some people will get the idea that you are always at their disposal no matter what your mental state is.  People today have a really hard time accepting that there are people in the world other than themselves, and that those people are not in their service 24-7.  If you can't find ways to create boundaries, then you probably need to avoid going out if you find yourself in a less social mindset.

It's not a work mindset.  This has nothing to do with work.  It's just how I'm (we're) viewed in the community.

I can't really turn it off and just say "sorry, that's not how I am today," and that's especially true considering Northern Kentucky is one big bubble.

[sandwedge]

(07-05-2021, 01:56 PM)BFritz21 Wrote: It's not a work mindset.  This has nothing to do with work.  It's just how I'm (we're) viewed in the community.

I can't really turn it off and just say "sorry, that's not how I am today," and that's especially true considering Northern Kentucky is one big bubble.

Brad, you are not going to please everyone all the time. You're worried about how you are viewed? Are you not allowed just a second to eat without being interrupted? There is nothing wrong with telling someone, you really would like to eat in peace.

[fredtoast]

(07-05-2021, 09:47 AM)BFritz21 Wrote: I’m not saying I’m famous or anything, but one of the reasons that I’m so well-known and so popular in the area is because I’m always smiling and I will chat with anyone, so I can’t really just give off the “leave me alone” vibe.

If you dedicate your life to making strangers like you then you will never be happy with yourself.

I am never rude to strangers, but when I go out to enjoy myself I do what I want instead of worrying about what every random stranger thinks of me.  If someone is "not the type of person I hang with" then I don't give them my number or ask them to come someplace with me.