Why Your Team Sucks

[Bengal Dude]

It's time for the 2017 edition of Drew Magary's "Why Your Teams Sucks" series. Today was the Bengals turn.

Enjoy.

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-cincinnati-bengals-1797628436

[Millhouse]

in b4 meltdown occurs

Quote:They’ve got enough talented players to get back to the playoffs and lose in the Wild Card round again. Dalton is inconsistent. Marvin is a clueless goober. Burfict is a shi*bag. And presiding over all of it is Mike Brown, a man so cheap he makes Bud Selig look like Rick Ross. 

[*Wyche'sWarrior*]

Those comments tho.......

[*bengalfan74*]

You couldn't help but laugh at some of the comments

And cry at the ones that are mostly true

[Vas Deferens]

I want to cram a 3 way down Drew's throat.

The one a few years ago where where some commenters went off on a Todd Haley joke fest was one of the greatest achievements of the internet, no electricity. Epic.

[*Go Cards*]

Bengals FO = nincompoopery

[Shake n Blake]

"Marvin Lewis is going to be just a head in a jar in a 1000 years ala Futurama coaching a team of cockroaches and commentators will still be asking if this “is the year Cincy finally gets over the hump?”

[Pat5775]

   

My god, that was hilarious! I was reading this in the car while my girlfriend was driving and was practically in tears trying to not burst out in obnoxious laughter. I made it, but I think I broke a blood vessel.

The comments are epic. Just pure gold (if you have thick skin and a sense of humor). Though the article is mostly complete ignorance (except for the Mike Brown part), it was well written. Hey, it's satire. It's not supposed to be taken seriously, it's supposed to be absurdly humorous.  

[*Nately120*]

One of my favorite times of the year is when these come out. I read every word and every comment for every team. Solid gold.

[Bengalzona]

"When you want to test out a new, innovative, possibly extralegal way to humiliate an opponent, you do it against the Bengals."

[HarleyDog]

That was hilariously accurate.

[Bengal Dude]

(08-08-2017, 06:45 PM)Shake n Blake Wrote: "Marvin Lewis is going to be just a head in a jar in a 1000 years ala Futurama coaching a team of cockroaches and commentators will still be asking if this “is the year Cincy finally gets over the hump?”

I loved that comment.

I listen to the BBP and follow Dehner on Twitter, so I know how proud he was for his article looking into the Brown family. Then Drew just rips it apart in his post. It cracked me up.

[Shake n Blake]

(08-09-2017, 03:15 PM)Bengal Dude Wrote: I loved that comment.

I listen to the BBP and follow Dehner on Twitter, so I know how proud he was for his article looking into the Brown family. Then Drew just rips it apart in his post. It cracked me up.

It was ruthless but true. Local media has become so soft on the Brown family over the last decade. I get that this has been a been more successful time than the 90's (not saying much), but there is more than enough record setting failure as well...particularly in prime time, the playoffs and against the Steelers. It would be nice to see the local media take them to task over that...or at least seriously acknowledge the problems with fans.

Of course it seems the media has less power in some cities for whatever reason.

[Atomic Orange]

Quote:Reading hopeful Bengals fan comments online have become truly tragic. It’s like seeing a soldier in a war movie step on a landline, blow half his guts out and then tries to pretend with you that he isn’t about to die.

“Yeah, man, Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl this year,” *coughs blood* “Going to win it all this year, bro, just you wait. You’ll see.” *bleeds more*

*Me the more cynical Bengals fan sobbing* “Sure, they will, brother. Who Dey, right?” *holding back tears* “This is our year, Bengals all the way right? Listen I’m going to have the chaplin talk to you for a second but don’t worry, man, I’ll see you at the Super Bowl.” *cries more*

lost it here

['E']

Entertaining, over the top, but soooo much truth to be found here.