Sometimes a hotline just isn’t enough

[Griever]

My wife attempted suicide the day before Valentine’s Day. She was drinking, took about 25 hydroxyzine and slit her wrists. She drank so much alcohol the hospital said her blood alcohol level was a 103. Luckily she was too drunk to do too much damage to her wrists.

This wasn’t a sudden instance. It’s been a rough 4 years; her sister passed away back in 2015, and she was the medical surrogate and because of that she never really had time to grieve or process what had happened. She was alao diagnosed with PTSD due to it. Her grandma on both sides had passed away last year as well. Work was Work, it had its usual stressers and shit to deal with that just added to everything. That all came to a head when we had to take one of it cats to the vet and found out he has diabetes and the beginning stages of heart failure due to fluid around his heart and also his lungs and abdomen.

When the emergency vet called and told us that, and suggested we probably put him down (we didn’t, haven’t, and won’t) that was the straw that broke the camel’s back per se. She told me to leave and go over to my parents and let them know what was going on. I didn’t teally want to, but she convinced me to do it after she asked for her medicine because it was late and she wanted to go to bed.

I come back and she’s listening to classical, dancing around the room with a cat toy in one hand and a bottle of sake in the other. I get her to stop dancing and she starts getting hysterical, collapses and passes out for a few seconds. She mentions that she took medicine but won’t tell me how much until after ten minutes when she tells me she took 25 of her anxiety pills on top of her usual nighttime medicine. So I’m freaking out, in shock, mind completely blank and not really sure what to do. She finally is able to tell me to call poison control and I do, followed by an ambulance to get her to the hospital.

She spent 2 nights in a hospital and about 5 nights in a mental health facility. I say all that to say this; while a suicide hotline is there and helpful, when someone wants to kill them selves they might not think about it, so it’s alwaya helpful to be there and ask questions before hand so it doesn’t get to that point

[SunsetBengal]

Sorry to learn that. Hope that all goes well with your wife's recovery, and you both can resume a normal life. Your story reminds me somewhat of my birth mother. She was bi-polar, tended to self-medicate with both alcohol and her prescription meds, and was also at times, suicidal. Thankfully, none of her suicide attempts were ever successful, but she also encountered early onset of Alzheimer's. My sister and I had to have her committed to a lockdown Alzheimer's unit at age 54. She died in early 2018 at age 69, unable to recognize either me, or my sister for over 10 years.

I'm by no means trying to equate your wife's condition to that of my late mother's, just noticing a similarity. My heart goes out to you, and I will you the strength to be there for her.

[Stewy]

I have no real words Griever. I'm glad you got home in time, and I truly hope she gets the help she needs.

[Vas Deferens]

Glad you returned when you did. You’ve always spoken glowingly about your relationship with your wife and I’m sure your affection will assist her recovery immensely.

Make sure you do some check-ins with a good pal of your own during this process. You’re going through a lot yourself.

[HarleyDog]

Very sorry to hear this. Struggles are real and each person copes to the best of their abilities, and sometimes a breaking point is reached. It doesn’t mean they’re weak, cowardly, or self absorbed. Sometimes life just goes black and finding your way out is confusing. I lost my son to suicide on 2-20-2008. It was the most trying time in my life. On top of a stressful job and a bad marriage, The loss of my son was too much to bear. Times became dark and confusing. Within 2 weeks I found myself sitting in jail for DUI. Self destructive mode kicked in and there was no stopping it. One pressing thought that I could not shake was that I needed to be with my son. Then, one night my actions were almost identical to your wife’s. After the doctors pumped my stomach and saved my life, I too spent several days in a mental health facility. Twice to be exact, but no need to go further.

It’s a long road back sometimes and important you know this. I’m very sorry for what your family is going through. Your wife can find her brightness again. It just takes time and some treatment. Be encouraged that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck to both of you and if you ever want to pm me, feel free and confident to do so. Take care Griever.

[Griever]

I knew there was gonna be a breaking point, just didn’t know when, and didn’t think it was gonna be a suicide attempt. She’s been saying for the past 5 years that she didn’t know who she was and she didn’t feel like herself. She likened it to her being inside a terra-cotta mood of herself and the vet visit was the snap that broke the pot letting her be herself again after all this time.

She seems like she’s back to how she was before all this started, so while a suicide attempt isn’t ideal, I’m at least glad it helped her get back to the real her and allowed her to finally process everything that has happened

She’s wanting me to go to a therapist so I can discuss and try to work through all this, coming home in the middle of her suicide attempt and going into shock and freaking out when she collapsed. I know I have some issues that I’ve put aside because I’ve focused on just being there for her, so she thinks I’m a few months I should voluntarily check myself in to where she was just to get some help and get some medicine and everything so I can begin working on me as well as helping her work on her

[Benton]

Sorry to hear.

You may not be, so take this with a grain of salt: don't beat yourself up. A lot of times friends and family think they should've been able to fix things, but I don't think it happens sthat way very often.

[Griever]

(02-24-2019, 02:12 PM)Benton Wrote: Sorry to hear.

You may not be, so take this with a grain of salt: don't beat yourself up. A lot of times friends and family think they should've been able to fix things, but I don't think it happens sthat way very often.

That’s my main issue right now

Beating myself up and blaming myself for leaving the house and not doing anything fast enough when I got back home. Which is also why she wants me to go see someone, so I can be able to forgive myself, because she said she was gonna do it one way or another so it wasn’t my fault

[fredtoast]

She needs help Griever. The things you describe are tough, but they are not extraordinary at all. The death of a family member is a terrible thing, but it is also just a regular part of life that everyone deals with. Even serving as the medical surrogate is not something that should cause PTSD. We all need time to grieve, but if there are still problems 4 years later that is an issue that needs attention.


BTW, Didn't you notice her slit wrists when you were trying to decide if you should call poison control?

[Benton]

(02-24-2019, 04:50 PM)Griever Wrote: That’s my main issue right now

Beating myself up and blaming myself for leaving the house and not doing anything fast enough when I got back home. Which is also why she wants me to go see someone, so I can be able to forgive myself, because she said she was gonna do it one way or another so it wasn’t my fault

Easier said than done, but don't. It'll get in the way of helping her going forward .

[Griever]

(02-24-2019, 04:56 PM)fredtoast Wrote: She needs help Griever. The things you describe are tough, but they are not extraordinary at all. The death of a family member is a terrible thing, but it is also just a regular part of life that everyone deals with. Even serving as the medical surrogate is not something that should cause PTSD. We all need time to grieve, but if there are still problems 4 years later that is an issue that needs attention.


BTW, Didn't you notice her slit wrists when you were trying to decide if you should call poison control?

They ended up really only being scratches, but no I didn’t really notice

[Vas Deferens]

Can't beat yourself up about it man. Really can't think of anything good that could come from that. Like you already mentioned, once things stabilize a bit, its important you go and talk to a professional about what you've been through.

You're a good man with big heart. I'm sure she feels very lucky to have a person like you to help her through this difficult time, regardless if she's able to express that sentiment well at the moment. Remember that and keep moving forward. Confident you can do it.

[*michaelsean*]

(02-24-2019, 12:57 PM)Griever Wrote: I knew there was gonna be a breaking point, just didn’t know when, and didn’t think it was gonna be a suicide attempt. She’s been saying for the past 5 years that she didn’t know who she was and she didn’t feel like herself. She likened it to her being inside a terra-cotta mood of herself and the vet visit was the snap that broke the pot letting her be herself again after all this time.

She seems like she’s back to how she was before all this started, so while a suicide attempt isn’t ideal, I’m at least glad it helped her get back to the real her and allowed her to finally process everything that has happened

She’s wanting me to go to a therapist so I can discuss and try to work through all this, coming home in the middle of her suicide attempt and going into shock and freaking out when she collapsed. I know I have some issues that I’ve put aside because I’ve focused on just being there for her, so she thinks I’m a few months I should voluntarily check myself in to where she was just to get some help and get some medicine and everything so I can begin working on me as well as helping her work on her

I'm sure you could use some therapy.  Hell most of us could, but I believe your wife needs a lot of therapy.  That wasn't a half hearted look at me attempt.  That was real.  I think it's lucky she wasn't taking Xanax or Klonopin.   Does she take a long term daily anxiety medicine like an SSRI?

Anyway, I'm glad this turned out the way it did.  Nobody should have to feel the way she must have felt.

[*michaelsean*]

(02-24-2019, 12:39 PM)HarleyDog Wrote: Very sorry to hear this. Struggles are real and each person copes to the best of their abilities, and sometimes a breaking point is reached. It doesn’t mean they’re weak, cowardly, or self absorbed. Sometimes life just goes black and finding your way out is confusing. I lost my son to suicide on 2-20-2008. It was the most trying time in my life. On top of a stressful job and a bad marriage, The loss of my son was too much to bear. Times became dark and confusing. Within 2 weeks I found myself sitting in jail for DUI. Self destructive mode kicked in and there was no stopping it. One pressing thought that I could not shake was that I needed to be with my son. Then, one night my actions were almost identical to your wife’s. After the doctors pumped my stomach and saved my life, I too spent several days in a mental health facility. Twice to be exact, but no need to go further.

It’s a long road back sometimes and important you know this. I’m very sorry for what your family is going through. Your wife can find her brightness again. It just takes time and some treatment. Be encouraged that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck to both of you and if you ever want to pm me, feel free and confident to do so. Take care Griever.

I don't know how you and others make it through this be it suicide or accident or disease.  I am simply amazed at the fortitude, the courage and the strength.  I don't think I'd have a chance in hell.  

[sandwedge]

(02-24-2019, 12:57 PM)Griever Wrote: I knew there was gonna be a breaking point, just didn’t know when, and didn’t think it was gonna be a suicide attempt. She’s been saying for the past 5 years that she didn’t know who she was and she didn’t feel like herself. She likened it to her being inside a terra-cotta mood of herself and the vet visit was the snap that broke the pot letting her be herself again after all this time.

She seems like she’s back to how she was before all this started, so while a suicide attempt isn’t ideal, I’m at least glad it helped her get back to the real her and allowed her to finally process everything that has happened

She’s wanting me to go to a therapist so I can discuss and try to work through all this, coming home in the middle of her suicide attempt and going into shock and freaking out when she collapsed. I know I have some issues that I’ve put aside because I’ve focused on just being there for her, so she thinks I’m a few months I should voluntarily check myself in to where she was just to get some help and get some medicine and everything so I can begin working on me as well as helping her work on her

Sounds like the right thing to do. Your wife asking is also another hint that she wants to get thru this together..

[GMDino]

Thanks (and good on you) for sharing.

Real stories drive the points home.

Thinking about you guys.

[Griever]

Thanks for all the input and words of encouragement guys

This has the full story (and also better explained than what I did) if anyone is interested

https://www.gofundme.com/6xl3h9s?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=fb_co_campmgmtbnr_w

[*Wyche'sWarrior*]

(02-24-2019, 12:39 PM)HarleyDog Wrote: Very sorry to hear this. Struggles are real and each person copes to the best of their abilities, and sometimes a breaking point is reached. It doesn’t mean they’re weak, cowardly, or self absorbed. Sometimes life just goes black and finding your way out is confusing. I lost my son to suicide on 2-20-2008. It was the most trying time in my life. On top of a stressful job and a bad marriage, The loss of my son was too much to bear. Times became dark and confusing. Within 2 weeks I found myself sitting in jail for DUI. Self destructive mode kicked in and there was no stopping it. One pressing thought that I could not shake was that I needed to be with my son. Then, one night my actions were almost identical to your wife’s. After the doctors pumped my stomach and saved my life, I too spent several days in a mental health facility. Twice to be exact, but no need to go further.

It’s a long road back sometimes and important you know this. I’m very sorry for what your family is going through. Your wife can find her brightness again. It just takes time and some treatment. Be encouraged that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck to both of you and if you ever want to pm me, feel free and confident to do so. Take care Griever.

(02-24-2019, 12:57 PM)Griever Wrote: I knew there was gonna be a breaking point, just didn’t know when, and didn’t think it was gonna be a suicide attempt. She’s been saying for the past 5 years that she didn’t know who she was and she didn’t feel like herself. She likened it to her being inside a terra-cotta mood of herself and the vet visit was the snap that broke the pot letting her be herself again after all this time.

She seems like she’s back to how she was before all this started, so while a suicide attempt isn’t ideal, I’m at least glad it helped her get back to the real her and allowed her to finally process everything that has happened

She’s wanting me to go to a therapist so I can discuss and try to work through all this, coming home in the middle of her suicide attempt and going into shock and freaking out when she collapsed. I know I have some issues that I’ve put aside because I’ve focused on just being there for her, so she thinks I’m a few months I should voluntarily check myself in to where she was just to get some help and get some medicine and everything so I can begin working on me as well as helping her work on her

Very sorry to hear this for the both of you.  I'm very glad you got home in time Griever, and that you were able to get the help you needed Harley.

Sometimes people keep things too bottled up inside for too long and there is an event (sometimes very menial) that can trigger an episode like this.  I'm not sure if that is the case here, but talking about things is the best way to go.

I hope that you and her get the help you need, and are able to move forward past this.  You were there in the nick of time for a reason, and that is the best way to look at it in my opinion.  For both of you.  

[Cure4CF]

I’m sorry this happened but so glad you made it back home in time to save her. Make sure you take care of yourself as well, so you can continue helping her! I probably need to take that advise myself so I know it’s hard but it sounds like you realize it, just make sure you follow through getting yourself help as well.

[grampahol]

Sad news for your wife and you. I've been through suicidal feelings since I was a kid, even tried to hang myself at around age 8 and the feelings didn't really relent until my 50s and even now I still think about it fairly regularly. I've had numerous attempts, luckily all failures.
The one thing I've found at least for myself is to wait. By that I mean to don't always take action just because you feel suicidal. Feeling it and acting on it are two completely different things. The feelings will usually subside over time if you do nothing. That's no guarantee of course because our lives are vastly different from each others and we all react differently. I really wish I could suggest therapy, but unfortunately I've never had success with any therapists nor shrinks, just locked into wards and basically ignored, some of them we horrible places I wouldn't send my worse enemies.
I'm thinking the best you can do is to be as supportive as possible and don't try to play armchair shrink like so many people like to do. Try to be as reassuring as you can, let her know she's loved unconditionally and take it day by day. 
You know how I cope with the feelings these days? Whenever I start feeling suicidal I remember how much worse it was in hospitals and then the people climbing up my back about how I was so willing to make them feel bad. I don't recall a single suicide attempt that made me feel one iota better. It's always had the exact opposite effect.  It almost always comes down to how you make other people feel with very little about how the suicidal person themself actually feels. People love to heap guilt on you. Try to avoid the guilt trip because it's not at all helpful.