The Colonoscopy

[*Awful Llama*]

I know we have many men here of a certain age who've no doubt undergone this procedure, so I'm hoping to draw on your experience in this matter to help me better understand what I'm about to do next week.

Honestly, what I'm most concerned about is the anesthesia. I've managed to live my 50+ years without ever having been "put under," as it were. No tonsils out when I was a kid, or emergency appendectomy at any point. I've never experienced anything stronger than novocain, really. So, the whole being knocked-out thing has a me a little skittish.

But, I was also curious about the less daunting things, too. Like, they say to wear "comfortable clothing." Would a t-shirt and sweats be good? Should I wear a kilt to give them easy access? Just stuff like that. And, is the whole medicine/liquid prep process as lousy as I've been led to believe?

Thanks for your thoughts.

[*bfine32*]

I've had 2. First off I can easily see how Michael Jackson got hooked on propofol (the "knockout" drug). As to the procedure: it's nothing. As to the cleanse: it sucks, but only because you must fast for 24 hours.

[Jason_NC]

I'm due for one too.

[XenoMorph]

(07-17-2019, 07:22 PM)bfine32 Wrote: I've had 2. First off I can easily see how Michael Jackson got hooked on propofol (the "knockout" drug). As to the procedure: it's nothing. As to the cleanse: it sucks, but only because you must fast for 24 hours.

do they give you a copy of the video?

[fredtoast]

No need to worry about the anesthesia.  You will not be put into deep sleep.  It is called "twilight sleep" and you will come out much quicker and easier than real anesthesia.  But you may have some memory problems for a while after waking up.

Prep is the worst part unless you like spending 90% of your time on the toilet squirting water out your butt.

Afterwards you will experience some of the most massive farts of your life.

My doctor had a record system where it flagged his patients' 50th birthday and they would get a call from him to schedule a colonoscopy.  I didn't think much about it until my father died of colon cancer a couple of years ago.  Colon cancer can be treated if it is found early.  

[*bfine32*]

(07-18-2019, 05:20 PM)XenoMorph Wrote: do they give you a copy of the video?

Not sure if serious, but they do show you pictures.

Also, don't feel the cleanse day is a good day to drink beer. I did and 2 days later I nearly passed out from dehydration. 

[Tiger Teeth]

I've had 3. They're no big deal, and as others have said, the "prep" is really the worst part. No pain, and it could save your life.

[Storer50]

I'm currently having kidney stones. There can't be anything worse than that.

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[*Awful Llama*]

(07-20-2019, 06:08 PM)Storer50 Wrote: I'm currently having kidney stones. There can't be anything worse than that. 

I had an uncle that suffered from them.  He said it felt like glass being passed through his kidney.  If it's anything like that you have my sympathies.

Thanks, everyone, for the info.  Feeling a bit better about the whole process after reading through this.  

[HarleyDog]

(07-21-2019, 08:33 PM)Awful Llama Wrote: I had an uncle that suffered from them.  He said it felt like glass being passed through his kidney.  If it's anything like that you have my sympathies.

Thanks, everyone, for the info.  Feeling a bit better about the whole process after reading through this.  

Somewhere there’s a throwing stones and glass houses joke in there, just can’t pinpoint it.

[BengalHawk62]

stolen from Facebook.....

What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a ***** in front of your older brother's friends.

It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted shit in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The shit/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

Is that blood?

False alarm.

That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your asshole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid shit fart as it gurgled out of your ass.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have shit out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your asshole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.

You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.

You're broken.

Your asshole's broken.

Your spirit's broken.

Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a shit stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.

-unknown

[grampahol]

(07-20-2019, 06:08 PM)Storer50 Wrote: I'm currently having kidney stones. There can't be anything worse than that.

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Pancreatitis.. I've had kidney stones and pancreatitis.. I'd take kidney stones over pancreatitis any day. On the other hand the cure I received for pancreatitis was just no food or liquid by mouth for 3 days. They could have just told me that before hospitalizing me. Instead I went to the ER about 12 times back in the 90s only to be refused treatment over lack of medical insurance of any kind. The only reason I finally did receive treatment was because I attempted suicide to end the pain of pancreatitis.  It taught me the lesson that if you're refused medical treatment over money or lack of it use those magic words of suicide. Simply put, you're not allowed to kill yourself. That's THEIR jobs.. They'll sell a wing of the hospital if it means preventing you from ending your life, but if you're just sick and broke? Tough luck.

[*Awful Llama*]

I wanted to thank everyone again for your responses. I had the procedure this morning (hence my writing this mid-day at home on vacation) and it went off without a hitch. When we got home the wife said I needed to come back on the boards and "pay it forward," as it were, and I agreed.

So, for anyone who is facing one now or in the future, and has never had one, it's not a big deal. I had to experience one myself before I would believe that, but it is the truth. It's cliché to say that the worst part of the whole experience is the prep the day before, but it's true. When I was drinking that horrific swill at 2 AM this morning, feeling equally hungry and nauseous, which then quickly segued into me hunkered on the john feeling sadness and shame, I couldn't have imagined feeling any worse.

The procedure was so easy it's laughable. I spoke with the anesthesiologist for a bit, then with the doctor. Then, I was wheeled back into the room and asked to turn onto my side. There was another minute of chit-chat before they administered the anesthesia. I felt dizzy for a second or two, then the next thing I knew, I was in the recovery room. I don't even remember waking up there, it was like I joined a tv program already in progress. Man, that Propofol is some good shit

And, the best part is the doctor said I don't have to come back for ten years Happy Wednesday, everyone!

[masonbengals fan]

Good news...

[HarleyDog]

Great news Llama.

[*michaelsean*]

(07-24-2019, 03:23 PM)Awful Llama Wrote: I wanted to thank everyone again for your responses. I had the procedure this morning (hence my writing this mid-day at home on vacation) and it went off without a hitch. When we got home the wife said I needed to come back on the boards and "pay it forward," as it were, and I agreed.

So, for anyone who is facing one now or in the future, and has never had one, it's not a big deal. I had to experience one myself before I would believe that, but it is the truth. It's cliché to say that the worst part of the whole experience is the prep the day before, but it's true. When I was drinking that horrific swill at 2 AM this morning, feeling equally hungry and nauseous, which then quickly segued into me hunkered on the john feeling sadness and shame, I couldn't have imagined feeling any worse.

The procedure was so easy it's laughable. I spoke with the anesthesiologist for a bit, then with the doctor. Then, I was wheeled back into the room and asked to turn onto my side. There was another minute of chit-chat before they administered the anesthesia. I felt dizzy for a second or two, then the next thing I knew, I was in the recovery room. I don't even remember waking up there, it was like I joined a tv program already in progress. Man, that Propofol is some good shit

And, the best part is the doctor said I don't have to come back for ten years Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Yeah I posted about mine a year plus ago trying to tell people to get it done because the actual procedure is nothing. I had two polyps they snipped off, and while the vast majority of polyps will never become cancer all Colin cancer begins with polyps, and the good news is it takes an incredibly long time for them to become cancer. Like 10- 15 years so if you get the colonoscopy every ten years (five if you’ve had polyps) you are pretty much colon cancer proof.

[*Awful Llama*]

(07-24-2019, 06:41 PM)masonbengals fan Wrote: Good news...

(07-24-2019, 10:44 PM)HarleyDog Wrote: Great news Llama.

Thanks, Mason and Harley.

(07-25-2019, 02:16 AM)michaelsean Wrote: Yeah I posted about mine a year plus ago trying to tell people to get it done because the actual procedure is nothing. I had two polyps they snipped off, and while the vast majority of polyps will never become cancer all Colin cancer begins with polyps, and the good news is it takes an incredibly long time for them to become cancer. Like 10- 15 years so if you get the colonoscopy every ten years (five if you’ve had polyps) you are pretty much colon cancer proof.

Yep, I wasted a lot of time worrying about nothing.    

[HarleyDog]

I had mine done and it was nothing as well. A few polyps removed which were ok. However, I was told I have diverticulitis which as explained, are little pits in the colon wall and was advised not to eat nuts, sesame seeds and stuff like that because they could get stuck in one of those little pouches and become infected. Stupid thing is, when I woke up in the recovery room, they offered me a snack and a drink. I grabbed a bag of mixed nuts with raisins and woofed them down with my 7up. Nobody said a thing? But then again, they probably didn't know in there. I found out about 30 minutes later when the dr came in to tell me about it.

I wish they would have never told me about the diverticulitis. I rarely ate peanuts and rarely had sesame seeds and the sorts. Now I am drawn to peanuts and cracking the shells. I eat about a cup a day. Not sure why? Maybe because they told me not to made me start to want it? IDK, I kinda have an addictive personality so maybe that's it.

[grampahol]

(07-20-2019, 06:08 PM)Storer50 Wrote: I'm currently having kidney stones. There can't be anything worse than that.

Sent from my LG-Q710PL using Tapatalk

I had both kidney stones and pancreatitis.. I'll take kidney stones over pancreatitis any day even though you can cure pancreatitis at home by taking no food nor liquid by mouth for 3 days straight. (Hint: Your mouth gets REALLY REALLY dry and you feel like you're gonna starve to death, but it works) Actually it's best to go to a hospital for it so they can pump fluids through your arms.. Most folks don't have access to a home IV system.
Strange thing..I'm supposed to have had colonoscopies several times, but for some reason it always gets put off. My doc at the VA told me to not worry about it so I don't. I have accompanied several friends to the doc for the procedure and come into the room when they're done only to be subjected to endless farting on their hands and knees.. That's never the fun part..
I take a pragmatic approach. I AM gonna die from something some day and it doesn't really matter if it happens tonight or in 30 years from now. The world won't end except for me. I have no intention of living well into my 90s or longer. I've been the caregiver for old people now for the better part of the past 20 years and wouldn't wish getting that old on my enemies much less myself. I plan on checking out no later than 80 years old. I guess that makes me scheduled for my demise in 20 years or less. My biggest fear is some kind of nasty stroke and get stuck in a bed forever or some goddamned wheelchair I can't move..

[SunsetBengal]

(02-19-2020, 08:52 PM)HarleyDog Wrote: I had mine done and it was nothing as well. A few polyps removed which were ok. However, I was told I have diverticulitis which as explained, are little pits in the colon wall and was advised not to eat nuts, sesame seeds and stuff like that because they could get stuck in one of those little pouches and become infected. Stupid thing is, when I woke up in the recovery room, they offered me a snack and a drink. I grabbed a bag of mixed nuts with raisins  and woofed them down with my 7up. Nobody said a thing? But then again, they probably didn't know in there. I found out about 30 minutes later when the dr came in to tell me about it.

I wish they would have never told me about the diverticulitis. I rarely ate peanuts and rarely had sesame seeds and the sorts. Now I am drawn to peanuts and cracking the shells. I eat about a cup a day. Not sure why? Maybe because they told me not to made me start to want it? IDK, I kinda have an addictive personality so maybe that's it.

Easy Harley, my wife suffers from diverticulitis.  When she has a "flare up", she is incapacitated for days, it takes some seriously strong antibiotics to clear it up.  After her last attack, they told her the next step was to have that section of her colon removed..