You have 10 cop neighbors

[reuben.ahmed]

And one that lives 3 houses away slapped his kid so hard it dislocated his jaw, and they lied about it in the hospital.

I never mentioned it to anyone as it was an offside remark to me anyway, but whenever this cop says hello I just say hi and cringe inside.

My dad hit me with a belt once and chased me with a shoe, I had my fair of spankings. I think dislocating a kid's jaw is different.

How would you react to this knowledge? I say it's their business, but at the same time, I wouldn't be friends with them - and I'm not.

[fredtoast]

Report to CPS (Child Protective Services) or DCS (Department of Childrens services) or whatever they call it in your state..  Your anonymity will be protected by law.

It might not make any difference at all this time, but it will put him on notice to be more careful.

When any of my clients talk about police misconduct they often say they don't report it because they know nothing will happen.  But it is important to have a record of every incident because in the future something big could go wrong, and the past reports will hang them.  So even if they laugh at the report today it could be what hurts them in the future if they mess up badly.

Even if nothing comes of it the father will know that someone is watching and that he has to be careful in the future.

[HarleyDog]

(06-12-2020, 01:42 PM)fredtoast Wrote: Report to CPS (Child Protective Services) or DCS (Department of Childrens services) or whatever they call it in your state..  Your anonymity will be protected by law.

Well, in small communities where everyone knows everyone else and the rumor mills run rampant, anonymity cannot be guaranteed. Its unfortunate but true. 

[fredtoast]

(06-12-2020, 03:07 PM)HarleyDog Wrote: Well, in small communities where everyone knows everyone else and the rumor mills run rampant, anonymity cannot be guaranteed. Its unfortunate but true. 

I understand completely what you are talking about.  There are only about 30,000 residents in the entire county where I work.  But there is a certain type of person that works as a DCS caseworker.  It is not the kind of job that people just fall into.  And in my experience they are very good about keeping information confidential when it comes to protecting children.

[Fan_in_Kettering]

(06-11-2020, 10:42 PM)reuben.ahmed Wrote: How would you react to this knowledge? I say it's their business, but at the same time, I wouldn't be friends with them - and I'm not.

No way could I ever be friends with someone like that, Reuben.  Such a person might be male but he is not a man.  Disciplining children is not a "one size fits all" proposition but dislocating parts of the body does not fall under the rubric of discipline but rather under the category of torture.

My father was very heavy-handed with respect to discipline but he never dislocated anything on me.  Like your neighbor, he went too far; inflicting excessive pain when a few stern words of disappointment would have sufficed.  That's why my father, God bless him, had no friends.  He was too stern, too rough, and never happy. 

Your neighbor is a monster.  Acknowledge his presence but avoid him as much as possible.

[jfkbengals]

(06-11-2020, 10:42 PM)reuben.ahmed Wrote: And one that lives 3 houses away slapped his kid so hard it dislocated his jaw, and they lied about it in the hospital.

I never mentioned it to anyone as it was an offside remark to me anyway, but whenever this cop says hello I just say hi and cringe inside.

My dad hit me with a belt once and chased me with a shoe, I had my fair of spankings. I think dislocating a kid's jaw is different.

How would you react to this knowledge? I say it's their business, but at the same time, I wouldn't be friends with them - and I'm not.

I cannot tell you how to react, as that is your choice.  But if it happened once without consequence, it could very easily happen again.  And the next time the outcome could be even worse.  So you have to ask yourself if you feel that a lack of action now would make you complicit in any future injuries to the child.

[HarleyDog]

(06-11-2020, 10:42 PM)reuben.ahmed Wrote: And one that lives 3 houses away slapped his kid so hard it dislocated his jaw, and they lied about it in the hospital.

I never mentioned it to anyone as it was an offside remark to me anyway, but whenever this cop says hello I just say hi and cringe inside.

My dad hit me with a belt once and chased me with a shoe, I had my fair of spankings. I think dislocating a kid's jaw is different.

How would you react to this knowledge? I say it's their business, but at the same time, I wouldn't be friends with them - and I'm not.

If you seen him do it personally, the right thing may have been to knock him on his ass and BTF out of him. Well, maybe not. But I think that might have been my reaction if not at least getting between him and the kid and letting him know further actions will not be accepted and that he's a jerk. Sounds like the guy is a bully. You know what, the first thing I said would not be the correct thing. Why? Cause the mother out of fear would back the husband and say you were interfering in family discussion and YOU somehow dislocated the kids jaw. That stuff happens all the time. The victims protect the abuser.

Since it was told to you, it should be the responsibility of the person who told you to report it. Your information is 3rd party and doesnt mean it actually went down the way it was perceived by the second party (how am I doing Fred)? So, you are basically judging this guy by a rumor, because that what it is I think.

Am I right or did I read the OP incorrectly?

[samhain]

I'd call CPS. It's unlikely that this guy will learn his lesson. When people get away with things consistently, it just encourages more of the same or worse.

I get that you fear his status an an officer, but if you're asking for the outright right thing to do, that's it.

Also, note taking with dates and descriptive details might help. Legally, it's not airtight if it comes to your word vs his, but it's better than nothing if it ever gets to the point where you have to explain something to authorities. Perhaps time-stamped emails would help. Having exact dates, times, names, and details are better than sitting there and not quite knowing what to say if it comes to that. it will paint a picture of a pattern if one develops.

[*bfine32*]

IMO the fact that he's a cop is moot; he just seems like a shitty parent. I would approach him and explain my feelings and let him know you will report any further action.

I did not spare the discipline when bringing up my kids; however, I never put my hands on them or disciplined them when I was angry. Now a wooden spoon to the backside was a different story.

My mom always told the story of my father spanking my sister with a water hose because she kept spraying him while he was washing the car. He did it out of anger and whipped her harder than he should have. He never disciplined either one of us physically again. Now my mom.....

[samhain]

(06-13-2020, 06:23 PM)bfine32 Wrote: IMO the fact that he's a cop is moot; he just seems like a shitty parent. I would approach him and explain my feelings and let him know you will report any further action.

I did not spare the discipline when bringing up my kids; however, I never put my hands on them or disciplined them when I was angry. Now a wooden spoon to the backside was a different story.

My mom always told the story of my father spanking my sister with a water hose because she kept spraying him while he was washing the car. He did it out of anger and whipped her harder than he should have. He never disciplined either one of us physically again. Now my mom.....

You're not wrong.  It's still a bit intimidating when someone is an official authority figure.  

My dad beat the shit out of me, and, to a lesser extent my brother.  He was a dude that worked 12 hour days 5-6 days a week and was not to be messed with when he got home.  His dad beat his ass even worse, and he hated him for it, which is always interesting to me.  I can't bring myself to physically discipline my son.  My wife thinks I'm way too easy on him, and she's likely right.  He's as spoiled as they get.  Don't get me wrong, I want respect, but not that way.  I know what that's like and although I had a pretty good relationship with my dad when he died, things imprint.  Everyone I knew that met him thought he was meaner than a drill sergeant, but in the end it benefitted me in many ways.  

I work similar hours to his, but I don't want my coming home to be a threat to my son.  I want him to look forward to the time he sees me, because it's limited by work hours.  I'm def the fun parent that runs things for my wife, but that's just how it is.

[reuben.ahmed]

(06-13-2020, 04:41 PM)HarleyDog Wrote: If you seen him do it personally, the right thing may have been to knock him on his ass and BTF out of him. Well, maybe not. But I think that might have been my reaction if not at least getting between him and the kid and letting him know further actions will not be accepted and that he's a jerk. Sounds like the guy is a bully. You know what, the first thing I said would not be the correct thing. Why? Cause the mother out of fear would back the husband and say you were interfering in family discussion and YOU somehow dislocated the kids jaw. That stuff happens all the time. The victims protect the abuser.

Since it was told to you, it should be the responsibility of the person who told you to report it. Your information is 3rd party and doesnt mean it actually went down the way it was perceived by the second party (how am I doing Fred)? So, you are basically judging this guy by a rumor, because that what it is I think.

Am I right or did I read the OP incorrectly?

The person who told me, was his mom! She said it as an offhand remark to one of her other neighbors, I was around at the time and asked if I heard her right -and she repeated it (under her breath). I'm not sure she intended for me to know, but I was sitting right next to her when she said it.

From what little I know of them, she seemed like the crazy one (teacher with a Highschool mindset). My whole street is kind of messed up I'd say, seems like everyone still thinks they're in Highschool, kind of besides the point. 

Yeah, it feels off when the mom is backing the accuser (her husband). Of all the guys on the street, I wouldn't have picked him out to be the bully, there are a lot more candidates for that title based on behavior I've witnessed. I don't feel 100% comfortable living on a street where 10 cops decided to live.

I remember running circles around the house while my Dad would chase me with a shoe. Every time I passed my mom (joke or not, standing in the kitchen), she'd just stare and watch. I'd be yelling for her to help me, but then again she told me she was going to tell dad about my shenanigans when he got home from work.

One day my dad threw the shoe, almost hit our puppy and the shoe crashed into the open dishwasher. I remember standing up for the first time and he never threw a shoe again, lol. LikeI wouldn' tstand up for myself, as if I deserved the punishment (probably in some form I did), but now he's endangering the innocent (my dog) lol.

Him being a cop is moot but it seems in my personal experience, they are abusive of their power, and besides this thread - their children are also out of control. I try hard not to use my personal experience dictate something larger, but I would have expected very disciplined respectful people and I witness the total opposite. Not people I'd want wielding a gun for certain. A cop kid came over to me and was explaining how they made a handmade grenade and threw it into a hole where a mole was. He described the noises the mole was making while it was dying.

Another cop neighbor (police chief), held his son down with a gun on the kitchen counter and then threatened suicide. The whole neighborhood was barracaded with cop cars, you couldn't enter/exit.

I found the report for that one, although it's littered with some misinformation. Those are things they say about criminals, "they're a great guy, out of character"
https://www.cleveland.com/metro/2009/01/brunswick_hills_police_chief_r.html

[jfkbengals]

(06-14-2020, 11:24 AM)reuben.ahmed Wrote: The person who told me, was his mom! She said it as an offhand remark to one of her other neighbors, I was around at the time and asked if I heard her right -and she repeated it (under her breath). I'm not sure she intended for me to know, but I was sitting right next to her when she said it.

From what little I know of them, she seemed like the crazy one (teacher with a Highschool mindset). My whole street is kind of messed up I'd say, seems like everyone still thinks they're in Highschool, kind of besides the point. 

Yeah, it feels off when the mom is backing the accuser (her husband). Of all the guys on the street, I wouldn't have picked him out to be the bully, there are a lot more candidates for that title based on behavior I've witnessed. I don't feel 100% comfortable living on a street where 10 cops decided to live.

I remember running circles around the house while my Dad would chase me with a shoe. Every time I passed my mom (joke or not, standing in the kitchen), she'd just stare and watch. I'd be yelling for her to help me, but then again she told me she was going to tell dad about my shenanigans when he got home from work.

One day my dad threw the shoe, almost hit our puppy and the shoe crashed into the open dishwasher. I remember standing up for the first time and he never threw a shoe again, lol. LikeI wouldn' tstand up for myself, as if I deserved the punishment (probably in some form I did), but now he's endangering the innocent (my dog) lol.

Him being a cop is moot but it seems in my personal experience, they are abusive of their power, and besides this thread - their children are also out of control. I try hard not to use my personal experience dictate something larger, but I would have expected very disciplined respectful people and I witness the total opposite. Not people I'd want wielding a gun for certain. A cop kid came over to me and was explaining how they made a handmade grenade and threw it into a hole where a mole was. He described the noises the mole was making while it was dying.

Another cop neighbor (police chief), held his son down with a gun on the kitchen counter and then threatened suicide. The whole neighborhood was barracaded with cop cars, you couldn't enter/exit.

I found the report for that one, although it's littered with some misinformation. Those are things they say about criminals, "they're a great guy, out of character"
https://www.cleveland.com/metro/2009/01/brunswick_hills_police_chief_r.html

Perhaps you should inquire with the other neighbor about what they think of the situation.  Two witnesses are better than one.

[reuben.ahmed]

(06-14-2020, 03:21 PM)jfkbengals Wrote: Perhaps you should inquire with the other neighbor about what they think of the situation.  Two witnesses are better than one.

I never talked to her about it. I've known her for a long time, but according to HER ex, she made up a physical abuse case against him (and apparently made up marks on her) so they could get divorced. He said she was cheating on him with one of her coworkers and didn't want that to come out.

What's "interesting" is a couple boyfriends later, one of them physically abused her. Not sure if that was karma or not, but crazy.

She's direct neighbors with them, I'm only 2 houses down. I'll say I have some super strange ass neighbors, one of my direct ones is what we might consider "normal". Might have some political differences but are polite, don't bother you every time they see you outside, will bring the mail into your house for you type deal.

My other direct neighbor talks to me 100/100 times when I'm outside, whether or not I have headphones on or even am looking at him. His dog shit in my yard over the winter, enough to where I filled up half a garbage bag of it, put it on his doorstep, rang his bell and texted him what the bag was for. Apparently I got a lot of "shit" in the neighborhood over that act. Gee, I'm stepping in dog shit every other step in my yard (it crossed my driveway, to give you an idea of how far it went into the yard lol), and I don't have a dog - definitely not my problem. I did him a favor, I could have told him to pick it all up instead.

I definitely stopped talking to the dad cop breaking his kid's jaw and wife, and with the other neighbor I don't speak about this event and I don't know what to believe (her ex seems like a super chill guy that would never do this, but I guess I know nobody anymore).

People say I'm judgmental, but jesus christ if I don't make homemade grenades, dislocate someone's jaw (or hit them at all), throw a family member on countertop with a gun.

[samhain]

(06-14-2020, 08:20 PM)reuben.ahmed Wrote: I never talked to her about it. I've known her for a long time, but according to HER ex, she made up a physical abuse case against him (and apparently made up marks on her) so they could get divorced. He said she was cheating on him with one of her coworkers and didn't want that to come out.

What's "interesting" is a couple boyfriends later, one of them physically abused her. Not sure if that was karma or not, but crazy.

She's direct neighbors with them, I'm only 2 houses down. I'll say I have some super strange ass neighbors, one of my direct ones is what we might consider "normal". Might have some political differences but are polite, don't bother you every time they see you outside, will bring the mail into your house for you type deal.

My other direct neighbor talks to me 100/100 times when I'm outside, whether or not I have headphones on or even am looking at him. His dog shit in my yard over the winter, enough to where I filled up half a garbage bag of it, put it on his doorstep, rang his bell and texted him what the bag was for. Apparently I got a lot of "shit" in the neighborhood over that act. Gee, I'm stepping in dog shit every other step in my yard (it crossed my driveway, to give you an idea of how far it went into the yard lol), and I don't have a dog - definitely not my problem. I did him a favor, I could have told him to pick it all up instead.

I definitely stopped talking to the dad cop breaking his kid's jaw and wife, and with the other neighbor I don't speak about this event and I don't know what to believe (her ex seems like a super chill guy that would never do this, but I guess I know nobody anymore).

People say I'm judgmental, but jesus christ if I don't make homemade grenades, dislocate someone's jaw (or hit them at all), throw a family member on countertop with a gun.

I was standing in line for beers at halftime of the Bengals/Ravens home opener with my best buddy back in 18.  Some dude jumped the seemingly mile long line, pretended to look lost, then ordered his beer ahead of everyone.  My buddy, who's a buck 60 dripping wet just yelled "Hey, mfr!" at the top of his lungs toward the dude until he turned around and confronted him.  The guy kept insisting that he didn't cut and berated my friend, then me when I jumped in to prevent us from being tossed from the stadium.  Eventually the crowd in the line was standing behind us staring at the guy and he left, cussing up a storm and without his order.

Bottom line is, a lot of people do shitty things because they don't think anyone has the time/balls to call them out on it.  Maybe this is your chance to do exactly that for something far worse.

[fredtoast]

If you make a report to DCS regarding child abuse your name will never be mentioned if you don't want it to be. DCS will investigate based on nothing but rumor. The law is designed to keep peoplefrom being afaraid of reporting child abuse.

[Bruce]

Probably just better to stay out of the cops business and really so if you live in a neighborhood of cops. just saying.

[reuben.ahmed]

(06-15-2020, 12:36 AM)samhain Wrote: I was standing in line for beers at halftime of the Bengals/Ravens home opener with my best buddy back in 18.  Some dude jumped the seemingly mile long line, pretended to look lost, then ordered his beer ahead of everyone.  My buddy, who's a buck 60 dripping wet just yelled "Hey, mfr!" at the top of his lungs toward the dude until he turned around and confronted him.  The guy kept insisting that he didn't cut and berated my friend, then me when I jumped in to prevent us from being tossed from the stadium.  Eventually the crowd in the line was standing behind us staring at the guy and he left, cussing up a storm and without his order.

Bottom line is, a lot of people do shitty things because they don't think anyone has the time/balls to call them out on it.  Maybe this is your chance to do exactly that for something far worse.

NFL games are different I think, why, I have no reason - but at the browns/bengals game where we annihiliated johnny football, the CLE fan next to me kicked out for spitting and confrontations (he kept putting slapping the back of my head whenever manziel did anything). I had my AJ Green hoodie on. At some point I told him stop spitting in my face dude, and I started talking trash back. We whooped them 30-0 and manziel never crossed the 50.

One point he got up and tapped my girlfriend's head, so I grabbed his arm and bent it back. When I turned around, my girlfirned was gone and within seconds the stadium cop kicked hte CLE fan out of the game - lol. He was replaced by a Bengals fan from the upper deck. When he turned to greet me, I noticed he had a black eye.

Incidentally when that guy got kicked out, the person behind me said "man wait for us outisde the staidum, you're our ride home!" so we asked him why he didn't stop him from harassing us - and he said "he's his own man". Honestly both the worst and best experience I've had at an NFl game since, shouldn't have been so hard to sit with Bengals gear on at an away game but I think CLE is a little different. Guess his whole family was around us, if they cared about their ride home so much thye should have sensed he was gonna get kicked lol. The woman behind me started laughing and tellin gme to stop when I started talking trash back, nah, Browns fan gonna talk trash when we're smashing them they better handle it back lol.

I don't think going to NFL games is a family affair, at least not in CLE where they're drinking from 8AM onward.

[reuben.ahmed]

(06-15-2020, 06:30 PM)Bruce Wrote: Probably just better to stay out of the cops business and really so if you live in a neighborhood of cops. just saying.

Yeah the cops next to me have demonstrated lack of control in several areas, so you're right, kind of dangerous game to play. Really should put the house for sale, hard to lose all the landscaping but I guess I can always start over.

[Fan_in_Kettering]

(06-15-2020, 10:09 PM)reuben.ahmed Wrote: Yeah the cops next to me have demonstrated lack of control in several areas, so you're right, kind of dangerous game to play. Really should put the house for sale, hard to lose all the landscaping but I guess I can always start over.

Moving is always an option, Reuben!  Kettering is very nice...

[fredtoast]

(06-15-2020, 06:30 PM)Bruce Wrote: Probably just better to stay out of the cops business and really so if you live in a neighborhood of cops. just saying.

As long as people are afraid to tell on cops for breaking the law then there will be no peace in this country.

Too many people have gotten too sick of letting them get away with everything.