Ask a stupid automotive question

[EatonFan]

First issue in the OP seems to me to be related to the (now I'm going to get technical) "little squirty thing" that you hit that causes your wiper to squirt fluid onto the windshield. I would guess that it senses that you've hit that switch and causes the wipers to wipe. I'd say it's the switch which is too sensitive due to a defect. Swapping it out would be the easiest solution.