10-16-2016, 03:28 AM
True story: I ran into Paul Alexander one time. Equals parts funny and terrifying. And 100% true.
Ok, so I'm at Blockbuster, walking up and down the new release aisle. And out of the corner my eye I see this portly man decked out head to toe in Bengals gear. He was looking through the music dvd's. He accidentally drops his movies, turned to pick them up, and then knocked over a Meet the Fockers promotional display. I go to help the guy grab his movies (it was Mel Bay: How to Tickle the Ivory's, Dumbo, and Ace Ventura Pet Detective 2). Here's the exchange:
I hand them to him, and ask him if he's ok. No response, just a blank stare. I then recognize him. I'm helping our OL coach up off the floor! "Are you Paul Alexander?" I asked him. Still no response. I'm wondering if he can't hear me for some reason, or if he didn't want to bothered. It's at this point I see them. Earmuffs. He was wearing earmuffs! And of course he was, it was the dead of winter, it was cold as shit. That's why he can't hear me!
So anyhoo, I decided to just grab one of his ear muffs aside and to make sure he's alright and introduce myself. Things take a turn for the worse at this very moment. He proceeded to throw me around like a rag doll. He beat me mercilessly. Lucky a kind African-American gentleman and a couple women helped pull him off of me. Unfortunately, the damage had been done. I had a black eye, a fat lip, and of course bruised ego. This man just destroyed me with no warning.
While I lay on the ground, gasping for air, a mixture of blood and snot trickling down by face, he starts screaming. Louder and louder. He was completely unhinged. "Have you seen my weiner?!?!?!?! Have you seen my weiner?!?!??! HAVE YOU SEEN MY WEINER!!!!!"
I had no clue what he meant exactly. Maybe something similar to deez nuts, or suck my d#@$, or hows my d@#! taste, I don't know. All I knew was he was mocking me. No one did anything to stop him. This went on for what seemed like 10 minutes.
He then leans down, and whispers in my ear" "I'm a made man around here you little *****. Pick yourself off the floor when your balls drop." He dropped his earmuffs, let out a chuckle and proceeded to walk out of the store Kaizer Soze style. Gone were the muffs, and he developed a different walk, a strut even. While one employee was tending to the display he fell into and knocked over, another was tending to me, along with all of the other shocked customers.
The SOB turned back and winked at me while he walked out the store without checking out his movies. He even grabbed a handful of candy on the way out. We had all been had. Me most of all.
If you don't believe me, this was his mugshot the night of the attack. Notice that he's actually smiling. Sadistic piece of shit:
![[Image: thTheresSomethingAboutMary_edited.jpg~c200]](http://rs115.pbsrc.com/albums/n296/injun82/thTheresSomethingAboutMary_edited.jpg~c200)
Ok, so I'm at Blockbuster, walking up and down the new release aisle. And out of the corner my eye I see this portly man decked out head to toe in Bengals gear. He was looking through the music dvd's. He accidentally drops his movies, turned to pick them up, and then knocked over a Meet the Fockers promotional display. I go to help the guy grab his movies (it was Mel Bay: How to Tickle the Ivory's, Dumbo, and Ace Ventura Pet Detective 2). Here's the exchange:
I hand them to him, and ask him if he's ok. No response, just a blank stare. I then recognize him. I'm helping our OL coach up off the floor! "Are you Paul Alexander?" I asked him. Still no response. I'm wondering if he can't hear me for some reason, or if he didn't want to bothered. It's at this point I see them. Earmuffs. He was wearing earmuffs! And of course he was, it was the dead of winter, it was cold as shit. That's why he can't hear me!
So anyhoo, I decided to just grab one of his ear muffs aside and to make sure he's alright and introduce myself. Things take a turn for the worse at this very moment. He proceeded to throw me around like a rag doll. He beat me mercilessly. Lucky a kind African-American gentleman and a couple women helped pull him off of me. Unfortunately, the damage had been done. I had a black eye, a fat lip, and of course bruised ego. This man just destroyed me with no warning.
While I lay on the ground, gasping for air, a mixture of blood and snot trickling down by face, he starts screaming. Louder and louder. He was completely unhinged. "Have you seen my weiner?!?!?!?! Have you seen my weiner?!?!??! HAVE YOU SEEN MY WEINER!!!!!"
I had no clue what he meant exactly. Maybe something similar to deez nuts, or suck my d#@$, or hows my d@#! taste, I don't know. All I knew was he was mocking me. No one did anything to stop him. This went on for what seemed like 10 minutes.
He then leans down, and whispers in my ear" "I'm a made man around here you little *****. Pick yourself off the floor when your balls drop." He dropped his earmuffs, let out a chuckle and proceeded to walk out of the store Kaizer Soze style. Gone were the muffs, and he developed a different walk, a strut even. While one employee was tending to the display he fell into and knocked over, another was tending to me, along with all of the other shocked customers.
The SOB turned back and winked at me while he walked out the store without checking out his movies. He even grabbed a handful of candy on the way out. We had all been had. Me most of all.
If you don't believe me, this was his mugshot the night of the attack. Notice that he's actually smiling. Sadistic piece of shit:
