Bar Stories

[Benton]

Years of smoking (I don't any more, but I started hen I was 12 and didn't quit till I was 30) and yelling at the Bengals through the 90s left me with what I've been told is a pretty attractive voice to women (full disclaimer: it's about the only part of me women find attractive, and only if they don't mind a drawl).

I used to go with some mostly female coworkers to a bar a few blocks from where we worked. Some of the women were talking about my voice one night and how I could make anything sound sexy, so the bartender (a really nice lady about 20ish years older than me) turns off the music, nods at me and says "Ok, let's hear it."

"What?"

She nods at the girls. "They say you can make anything sound sexy, so go for it. Unsexiest thing you've got."

So I leaned across the bar, about four inches from her ear and said the two least sexy words I could think of. "Pimento cheese."

I sat back down, she took my empty and put a new Miller on the bar and said, "You drink for free."

I still get random texts from ex-coworkers I haven't seen in six or seven years that are those two magical words. Pimento cheese.