Shocked and dismayed with "gay" remarks on this site

[sandwedge]

(04-05-2019, 01:28 PM)michaelsean Wrote: No it's not direct slurs toward gay people.  It's the implication that something is wrong with being gay by accusing someone of being gay or performing gay sexual acts as part of an insult.  Anyone remember the Carson Palmer about to swallow a giant hot dog ad?  What's the implication there?  It's usually in words but that's one that I just remembered.  

Not sure how I became the spokesperson for Ludicus here, but could someone please at least let me know that i'm not nuts and they know what the hell I'm talking about?

We're all nuts.... except Fred!!  Honestly, i guess everything depends on your maturity level. The whole CP hot dog ad, I didn't see the implication thing there, who the hell doesn't love a good hot dog btw, but those that didn't like him certainly did and brought it out. Hell, now I think I'm nuts!

[fredtoast]

I just saw a post that said "Facebook can suck a bag of D's"

I think stuff like that goes unnoticed by 99% of the members, and I doubt the poster is homophobic in any way. But it is not really appropriate.

[fredtoast]

At the same time I see things that are offensive I also make jokes that some people would find offensive.

For example check out this thread.

http://thebengalsboard.com/Thread-Decided-to-become-a-stand-up-comedian

I think both of those jokes are funny, and I don't see them as offensive. I have heard many funny jokes about things like rape, the holocaust, and AIDS, but there is a very fine line. On one hand I don't think humor for the sake of humor is offensive, but on the other hand there are certain jokes that are only funny if you believe certain negative stereotypes. For example a racist joke can be funny if it is making fun of a stereotypical belief, but it is not funny if you have to believe that stereotype to make it funny.

I don't think I am expressing myself very well here. I'll come back when I have thought it out better.

[*michaelsean*]

(04-05-2019, 02:11 PM)fredtoast Wrote: At the same time I see things that are offensive I also make jokes that some people would find offensive.

For example check out this thread.

http://thebengalsboard.com/Thread-Decided-to-become-a-stand-up-comedian

I think both of those jokes are funny, and I don't see them as offensive.  I have heard many funny jokes about things like rape, the holocaust, and AIDS, but there is a very fine line.  On one hand I don't think humor for the sake of humor is offensive, but on the other hand there are certain jokes that are only funny if you believe certain negative stereotypes.  For example a racist joke can be funny if it is making fun of a stereotypical belief, but it is not funny if you have to believe that stereotype to make it funny.

I don't think I am expressing myself very well here.  I'll come back when I have thought it out better.

I don't think that one would be considered offensive.  

[Lucidus]

(04-05-2019, 12:27 PM)michaelsean Wrote: I'm not judging right or wrong, but certainly you guys see in the non-football forums where someone implies someone is gay or commits homosexual acts and uses it as a dig.  I wouldn't know how to search it, but it's all over the place.  I'll be honest, a fair amount of people from the left who I in no way believe are homophobic make these jokes, and I just kind of figured if they were doing it that it's OK.  I personally don't do it, or if I did it was rare but I don't think I have,  but not because I thought it was bad, just it's not my brand of humor.

Indeed, and this is primarily what I was referring to. I've noticed it many times over the months since joining. I guess I can understand how members may not even notice it in passing, however when I see it, it does tend to catch my attention and make me wish that people would not use being gay or acting gay as an convenient baseline from which to draw their digs or jabs, even if they are not homophobic it any way. 

I was asked to provide examples, but it has proven difficult because it's not easily searchable. I come across these statements while browsing and didn't make notes of every occasion in which it occurred. Nor did I have much of an issue until I noticed the frequency in which it happened and how it seemed to pass under the radars of most members.

(04-05-2019, 01:58 PM)fredtoast Wrote: I just saw a post that said "Facebook can suck a bag of D's"

I think stuff like that goes unnoticed by 99% of the members, and I doubt the poster is homophobic in any way.  But it is not really appropriate.

I agree that most of the instances go completely unnoticed, and furthermore, I don't think the overwhelming majority of instances are in any way meant to be homophobic, yet if the person posting looked a little more carefully at their statement or joke, they may surely come to acknowledge that it was rather crass and unnecessary. They could have made their point or attempt at humor just as easily without the reference to someone or something being of gay nature.

I don't mean to come off as overly sensitive or easily offended, as I can assure the members here that is not the case. I was just concerned about the frequency in which it occurs and seemingly, lack of any real push back or commentary on the matter.

[Au165]

(04-05-2019, 01:58 PM)fredtoast Wrote: I just saw a post that said "Facebook can suck a bag of D's"

I think stuff like that goes unnoticed by 99% of the members, and I doubt the poster is homophobic in any way.  But it is not really appropriate.

Maybe inappropriate in a crass sense, but nothing about that is homophobic.

[*Synric*]

I'm guessing most of what the OP is talking about is posted in the Smack Talk forum. It's not a forum for discussing football.

[Lucidus]

(04-05-2019, 03:57 PM)Synric Wrote: I'm guessing most of what the OP is talking about is posted in the Smack Talk forum. It's not a forum for discussing football.

Some, yes. However, I've also seen it in other forums as well, including football related, in the form of both text and imagery.

[Lucidus]

(04-05-2019, 01:40 AM)Benton Wrote: Welcome aboard. If you have specific concerns, as sunset has mentioned , use the report tool. It's the quickest way for mods to address any situation .

If it's a general concern, feel free to message any of the staff

The response is appreciated, however you must admit that it places a member in a rather precarious position if the post they find offensive or questionable was made by a member of the staff, which I have come across a few times.

I'm in no way questioning the integrity of the staff. Rather, I'm just stating that I would be somewhat uncomfortable reporting a staff member to another staff member. 

[*michaelsean*]

(04-05-2019, 04:15 PM)Lucidus Wrote: The response is appreciated, however you must admit that it places a member in a rather precarious position if the post they find offensive or questionable was made by a member of the staff, which I have come across a few times.

I'm in no way questioning the integrity of the staff. Rather, I'm just stating that I would be somewhat uncomfortable reporting a staff member to another staff member. 

Just message directly. I’m constantly complaining to Sunset about Benton.

[Beaker]

I think this board is great the way it is. I really hope it does not become overly PC.

[Benton]

(04-05-2019, 04:15 PM)Lucidus Wrote: The response is appreciated, however you must admit that it places a member in a rather precarious position if the post they find offensive or questionable was made by a member of the staff, which I have come across a few times.

I'm in no way questioning the integrity of the staff. Rather, I'm just stating that I would be somewhat uncomfortable reporting a staff member to another staff member. 

Nay, no fear there. I'd say all the staff has had at least one complaint. For those not on the staff (which I'll add is all volunteer), whenever a member complains about one of us, it's generally fielded to the rest of the staff. As were all former posters (even holic) and not paid staff like the mothership, I think all of us know the importance of being impartial, even with each other. 

If there's one thing I can brag on about the rest of the guys,it's their ability to detach from a situation . 

And for everyone who doesn't know, I will use this as a chance to pronote using the "report" tool. All of us try to be vigilant and patrol the boards, but at the end of the day, we're just a group of volunteers trying to help a community stay together. The report tool helps us identify problems quickly.

[Bengalzona]

(04-04-2019, 07:41 PM)Lucidus Wrote: I joined this site some time ago in an effort to seek out and follow interesting and educated discussion about my favorite NFL team, the Bengals. While I don't have a great deal of time available to spend upon the site, I do try to take advantage of every opportunity that I have a few extra moments to browse and ready the topics and try to get better acquainted with the membership.

However, the past few weeks have been rather eye-opening and extremely disappointing for someone, such as myself, who was very excited to join this site. In looking through the different threads in the different forums, I started to notice a rather uncomfortable occurrence, and that was the use of derogatory homosexual slights and phrasing. This would often occur in the form of jokes, although not always, with the implication being that someone is acting in a homosexual manner or that something is of a homosexual variety.

I was rather disturbed to see not only the regularity in which this occurred, but also by the seemingly total lack of resistance that such behavior was met with. Even more alarming was that, not only does it seemed to be tolerated by the staff, but there are actually staff members who are the most blatant about doing it. This all left me rather bewildered and disheartened.

I am a homosexual. I am very proud and content with who I am, with my sexuality and with being open with talking about such issues. However, I am also someone who takes umbrage with the ease in which offensiveness, ignorance and lack of compassion are often condoned, or looked over, in public interactions or environments. I don't feel that I should have to be required to read offensive remarks and "jokes" that are derogatory toward homosexuals in order to be a member of this site; not because I myself am a homosexual, or that I'm offended personally, but because this form of crass and juvenile content has no place in a modern public exchange. What I find most offensive is that the staff not only allows such behavior, but participates in it. In my opinion, it undercuts any dignity this site and its membership wish to hold itself.

This is meant as a constructive criticism, even if it may seem rather harsh. I know said criticism will most like be met with responses such as: "they're only jokes" -- "they're not meant to offend" -- or "you need to lighten up." However, in condoning such behavior, the site itself is granting it's approval, whether tacit or implicit.

I hope this post will be taken in the context in which it was intended; as a well-intended critique and plea to examine the issue.

I'm sorry that you have experienced this. And it is quite possible I have made such suggestive comments in the past. If I have offended, please forgive me. I try not to do that, because over the years I have acquired many friends who are homosexual (despite my own failings) and I feel it disrespects them when I do such things. At the same time, I grew up in a blue-collar neighborhood in the seventies were such language was endemic. That isn't an excuse, more of an explanation of why I have relapses. Be that as it may, I am committed to improving and don't mind being called out when I am wrong.

[BengalsRocker]

(04-05-2019, 01:58 PM)fredtoast Wrote: I just saw a post that said "Facebook can suck a bag of D's"

I think stuff like that goes unnoticed by 99% of the members, and I doubt the poster is homophobic in any way.  But it is not really appropriate.

I posted that and will remove it myself.

It's a pop culture saying, but that doesn't make it right either.

I was insensitive by posting this and I do apologize.

There have been examples of joking and using gay innuendo by some members here(including Fred).

Nothing was meant to be slurs or hurtful but could be received that way depending on your point of view.

This place is very welcoming and I'm proud to be a longstanding member of it.

There is always room for improvements.  Feel free to express your opinions and views.

[*bengalfan74*]

(04-05-2019, 09:24 PM)Bengalzona Wrote: I'm sorry that you have experienced this. And it is quite possible I have made such suggestive comments in the past. If I have offended, please forgive me. I try not to do that, because over the years I have acquired many friends who are homosexual (despite my own failings) and I feel it disrespects them when I do such things. At the same time, I grew up in a blue-collar neighborhood in the seventies were such language was endemic. That isn't an excuse, more of an explanation of why I have relapses. Be that as it may, I am committed to improving and don't mind being called out when I am wrong.

Me to Zona, if I had a nickel for every derogatory word and phrase I've heard and said in the 70's and 80's I'd have no need to keep playing the lottery. It was just part of the culture then. I'm not trying to defend it or say it was right, just that's what we grew up hearing.

I'd say I've slipped up in the past and I'll try hard to be more respectful in the future.

[Bengalzona]

(04-05-2019, 09:45 PM)bengalfan74 Wrote: Me to Zona, if I had a nickel for every derogatory word and phrase I've heard and said in the 70's and 80's I'd have no need to keep playing the lottery. It was just part of the culture then. I'm not trying to defend it or say it was right, just that's what we grew up hearing.

I'd say I've slipped up in the past and I'll try hard to be more respectful in the future.

Yeah, I used to talk that way all of the time before I actually met a few gay people and became friends with them. Actually, I had a couple of friends growing up who I didn't even know were gay (probably because they wouldn't be inclined to come out to someone who made such comments, eh.). I had absolutely no concept of how hurtful some of these comments could be.

[Devils Advocate]

(04-05-2019, 09:56 PM)Bengalzona Wrote: Yeah, I used to talk that way all of the time before I actually met a few gay people and became friends with them. Actually, I had a couple of friends growing up who I didn't even know were gay (probably because they wouldn't be inclined to come out to someone who made such comments, eh.). I had absolutely no concept of how hurtful some of these comments could be.

Noticed your sig. did you know Wepner claims Stallone stole his life story for Rocky?

[Bengalzona]

(04-05-2019, 10:42 PM)Devils Advocate Wrote: Noticed your sig. did you know Wepner claims Stallone stole his life story for Rocky?

Yep. There's a real good movie all about Wepner on Netflix now called "Benny the Bleeder). Good stuff!

[Tiger Teeth]

(04-05-2019, 08:30 PM)Beaker Wrote: I think this board is great the way it is. I really hope it does not become overly PC.

I agree with you Beaker.  This is a great board.  Someone is going to be offended by something.  The ladies on this board could be offended by the "Lady Gaga boobs" conversation in the chat.  It's not going to be perfect for everybody.

[SunsetBengal]

(04-06-2019, 02:27 PM)Tiger Teeth Wrote: I agree with you Beaker.  This is a great board.  Someone is going to be offended by something.  The ladies on this board could be offended by the "Lady Gaga boobs" conversation in the chat.  It's not going to be perfect for everybody.

Right, no matter how clean we try to keep things around here, someone will always claim that there is an area that we could improve upon.  People also need to keep in mind that this is a social group for sports fans, and not a focus group dedicated to dictating social norms.  Our code of conduct is quite clear on what is and isn't acceptable speech around here.  We do our level best to prevent anyone from being bullied or ridiculed on the basis of any social tenants.  (If you don't believe that, just wander over into some of the other sports message boards out there, and take a good look around.)

Personally, I feel like there is a big difference between;  "Hey, I'm gay, and I'm offended by the gay humor and innuendos that some of the other guys jest about", and "Hey, these guys are ridiculing and belittling me, because I'm gay."  Now, I'm not saying that making jokes on the basis of sexuality, race, sex, ethnicity, or religion, etc. is a good or healthy thing, I'm just saying that it is a part of society and life.  I myself had to endure some serious hardship in life, because of who I am.  I had to transfer from a parochial school to the public school system.  Being an athlete, I was met with heavy resistance to my being on the team.  For the entire first year, I had to physically fight at least a couple times per week.  I was jumped by a group of teammates after a practice once, for being the Catholic boy that took their friend's position on the team.  It was more than that, the jokes, the obvious hatred and constant ridicule was overwhelming.  I wanted to quit the football team.  My father sat me down, he talked to me about "growing a thinker skin", and "learning how to stand up for myself", and "proving that I belong".  I took some beatings, and learned how to give a few back.  Eventually, the ridicule stopped and I was just one of the guys.