I don't really know what to post on here but I figure we could talk about our life and get to know each other. I'm 24, currently working and going to the local community college part time. My dad died earlier this year. I'm really missing all of my friends that I've lost touch with. I'm coming up on 2 years out of a relationship with an emotionally manipulative person. I'm dating someone right now which is kinda cool but we live kinda far apart and only see each other every couple weeks so I think I need to find someone to date who is closer to me. I'm having trouble with debt, bills, and bureaucracy. I'm currently in something called SOP-1 which is something for people with potential substance abuse issues. I take medicine to help me sleep because for some reason I can't sleep at normal times. The biggest thing I have trouble with is that I have no people in my life that I'm actually close to. Part of it is because that is how I made my life, but I feel like part of it is out of my control. I wish I had more inspiration in my life but maybe that is something that you have to find rather than wait to come to you. Life is just feeling kinda shitty lately. I know I have it alright and so I feel shitty for feeling shitty which makes it even worse ha. I'm pretty much a shut-in these days and it is taking a toll on me in a lot of ways.
Anyways, this thread isn't just for me to type giant walls of text at you guys. Feel free to tell me about how your life is going too. I'll do my best to have an open ear and be a good friend.
Feeling shitty for feeling shitty is a wonderful phrase. I commend you for sharing your experience and doing so so eloquently. Of course, I am sure a certain cross section of the board thinks you are an alt and I am a fool for believing someone would want to talk about his reality on ye old MB, but colour me dumbass... and, I can relate somewhat to what you are going through.
I was just doing my dishes and listening to Tony Rice sing Streets of London, and it goes right to that feeling shitty for feeling shitty vibe. "How can you tell me that you're mournin'? And you say for you that the sun don't shine? Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London! I'll show you something, that may change your mind" is the refrain of this song that points out what you pointed out in the OP - some people have it so much rougher. And knowing they do and feeling powerless to help them just makes me feel worse. And feeling like I am running in place with my own problems just kind of compounds it...
I am struggling with some chronic pain, some emotional issues, some financial issues, and a host of other shit... but there are people to whom my life would look pretty good. I am a millionaire in friends and most of my family is OK and I am on pretty good terms with all of them, so a lot to be grateful for, but a lot of shit on my plate right now just the same.
I wish I had a solution for me or some insight for you that might help you navigate the path you are on, but at this point I have neither. Another song I think of often does include this wisdom:
Sometimes the best path will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend
Sometimes the road leads to dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend
My perception is you are a good dude. I know it isn't easy to admit when you are struggling, but I commend you for it, I thank you for it as it reminds me I am not alone in facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, and I wish you better days ahead.
JOHN ROBERTS: From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly so that you will come to know the value of justice... I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either.
(10-04-2016, 12:33 AM)xxlt Wrote: Feeling shitty for feeling shitty is a wonderful phrase. I commend you for sharing your experience and doing so so eloquently. Of course, I am sure a certain cross section of the board thinks you are an alt and I am a fool for believing someone would want to talk about his reality on ye old MB, but colour me dumbass... and, I can relate somewhat to what you are going through.
I was just doing my dishes and listening to Tony Rice sing Streets of London, and it goes right to that feeling shitty for feeling shitty vibe. "How can you tell me that you're mournin'? And you say for you that the sun don't shine? Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London! I'll show you something, that may change your mind" is the refrain of this song that points out what you pointed out in the OP - some people have it so much rougher. And knowing they do and feeling powerless to help them just makes me feel worse. And feeling like I am running in place with my own problems just kind of compounds it...
I am struggling with some chronic pain, some emotional issues, some financial issues, and a host of other shit... but there are people to whom my life would look pretty good. I am a millionaire in friends and most of my family is OK and I am on pretty good terms with all of them, so a lot to be grateful for, but a lot of shit on my plate right now just the same.
I wish I had a solution for me or some insight for you that might help you navigate the path you are on, but at this point I have neither. Another song I think of often does include this wisdom:
Sometimes the best path will not guide you
You can't see what's round the bend
Sometimes the road leads to dark places
Sometimes the darkness is your friend
My perception is you are a good dude. I know it isn't easy to admit when you are struggling, but I commend you for it, I thank you for it as it reminds me I am not alone in facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, and I wish you better days ahead.
Wow. Thank you very much for this. You're right it helps a lot to know someone else, while not the biggest problems in the world, is struggling through the daily grind. It gets the most difficult when the days all start to seem the same but I know we have the power to change that. Thanks for saying I'm a good dude. You've always struck me as a particularly empathetic person, and to be honest, I'm not surprised in the least that you replied to this xxlt I'm sorry to hear about your chronic pain and emotional issues. I know that can seriously be a tough 1-2 punch. I really like the lyrics to the two songs you posted. It's difficult sometimes to not get tied down to your past feelings and memories. Just so you know, you'll always have a friend on here who will hear you out.
(10-04-2016, 12:49 AM)treee Wrote: Wow. Thank you very much for this. You're right it helps a lot to know someone else, while not the biggest problems in the world, is struggling through the daily grind. It gets the most difficult when the days all start to seem the same but I know we have the power to change that. Thanks for saying I'm a good dude. You've always struck me as a particularly empathetic person, and to be honest, I'm not surprised in the least that you replied to this xxlt I'm sorry to hear about your chronic pain and emotional issues. I know that can seriously be a tough 1-2 punch. I really like the lyrics to the two songs you posted. It's difficult sometimes to not get tied down to your past feelings and memories. Just so you know, you'll always have a friend on here who will hear you out.
I've gone long stretches where I spend a lot of time alone and it hasn't seemed to effect me, but lately I seem to do better the more I am around people. I say this because you mentioned being borderline shut in lately. I know we are all different and even from day to day need different things, but give some consideration to the benefit socialization can provide. I've been struck in the last month or so to realize how many people in my adopted home really have a bond with me - it helps knowing this and spending time with them. And, I also have some brothers on here and back home who I know I can count on. Thanks for adding your name to that list. We can never have too many advocates.
The link is to about the best thing I read in a day where I read a fair amount. You may enjoy it. If not, know the spirit it was intended in. Happy to be of support in whatever small way I can.
JOHN ROBERTS: From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly so that you will come to know the value of justice... I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either.
(10-03-2016, 10:19 PM)treee Wrote: I don't really know what to post on here but I figure we could talk about our life and get to know each other.
In case you haven't figured it out, shit doesn't get any easier. But, that is okay. You're 24 and trying to find your way in life and most, if not all, you're feeling is normal. There are a lot of things you can't control, but you can try to control your outlook. A different perspective might help. Happiness is a choice to an extent; unless you have severe depression, bipolar disorder, etc. then you can't just "choose" to be happy. Being happy takes practice, like a jump shot or shooting pool.
So let's try on a different perspective . . .
Quote:I'm 24,
Twenty-four is a great age. Enjoy it.
Quote:currently working and going to the local community college part time.
You're employed. Many people aren't. I doubt it is your dream job, but you got change in your pocket which allows you to do stuff you enjoy. You're going to school; pat yourself on the back for seeking self improvement.
Quote:My dad died earlier this year.
This probably sucks for you. My dad was a piece of shit and when he died there was one less. If you loved your dad, enjoy the time you spent together. As time goes by the memories will be less bitter and more sweet.
Quote:I'm really missing all of my friends that I've lost touch with.
Missing them sucks, but focus on the experiences which makes you miss them instead of on missing them. You have an opportunity to change this. Reconnect. Work on making new friends at work or school.
Quote:I'm coming up on 2 years out of a relationship with an emotionally manipulative person.
Good! You don't want to go through life with someone like that.
Quote:I'm dating someone right now which is kinda cool but we live kinda far apart and only see each other every couple weeks so I think I need to find someone to date who is closer to me.
This is normal. Relationships are crazy. Do the best you can.
Quote:I'm having trouble with debt, bills, and bureaucracy.
No matter how much people make, they always find a way to spend it.
Quote:I'm currently in something called SOP-1 which is something for people with potential substance abuse issues.
Key word: potential. Who doesn't have potential substance abuse problems? Some maybe a little more potential than others. No one wakes up thinking, "Hmm, I think I want to become addicted to hydrocodone today."
Quote:I take medicine to help me sleep because for some reason I can't sleep at normal times.
Have you looked at the times people post on here? Or any place else?
Quote:The biggest thing I have trouble with is that I have no people in my life that I'm actually close to. Part of it is because that is how I made my life, but I feel like part of it is out of my control.
It's probably a combination of both. If you want to be closer to people in your life, you have to make the effort to be more active in their life. Easier said than done right? Watch this from Simon Sinek . . .
Quote:I wish I had more inspiration in my life but maybe that is something that you have to find rather than wait to come to you.
I just gave you Simon Sinek. He should give you some ideas. Try reading The Tao of Pooh.
Quote:Life is just feeling kinda shitty lately. I know I have it alright and so I feel shitty for feeling shitty which makes it even worse ha. I'm pretty much a shut-in these days and it is taking a toll on me in a lot of ways.
Anyways, this thread isn't just for me to type giant walls of text at you guys. Feel free to tell me about how your life is going too. I'll do my best to have an open ear and be a good friend.
Back when I was in the Army, things frequently sucked. But, things could always suck worse. Because no matter how much it sucked, it could always be raining. And if it was raining, it could always rain harder.
24 is way too young to have to lose a parent. I've very sorry to hear that. Fwiw, I lost my mother at 27 so I can sympathize with you.
I can't, or won't, say that everyone is the same at that age (mid-20's), but for me personally my mid-20's were a whirlwind of emotions, which I think can cause most of us some stress or unease.
People say that you see much more change in your earlier years, what with each advancing grade, new schools, new friends, first this, first that. But it's all rather planned out. You kind of you just move along at a similar pace to everyone else. And then there's college, and even though there's all of this newfound freedom, you're still kind of marching along to a plan. And even after college, a lot of people are still partying, still hanging out with the same people, there's not a ton of stress.
Then, like the sneaky bastard it is, your older age (you're getting older, but not old) starts rearing it's ugly head. A few people get married, some even pop out a kid. Some have serious girlfriends, some are single. Some have their own place, some are still at home. Some may even have bought a house. Some people have found their career, some have no clue what they want to do. Some people move, some friends lose touch. The list goes on and on...\
The point of all of this is just to show how much is going on at that age. IMO, it's the first time in your life you finally see the people you grew up with, the people of your age, start to go in their own direction. Gone are the days of everyone marching along from grade 8 to 9, or to their drivers liscense , or off to college. Everyone is doing different things, at their own pace. That in and of itself is an incredibly scary, and can be a pretty depressing thing.
I think a lot of people's friends list starts to dwindle at that age. And unfortunately, as you get even older don't be surprised to see your circle shrink further.
I wish I had some great advice, but I really don't. I'm just pointing out the being the age your at now can be all sorts of messed up. And couple that with losing a parent and I'd imagine it can be tough. Hell, I know it can. I guess the best advice I could give is to do your best to find something you really enjoy doing. And maybe you already have. Because that daily grind of work can wear on you. It's important to have something to look forward to once you clocked out for the day. That, and make a point to keep in touch with a few friends if you can.
(10-03-2016, 10:19 PM)treee Wrote: I don't really know what to post on here but I figure we could talk about our life and get to know each other. I'm 24, currently working and going to the local community college part time. My dad died earlier this year. I'm really missing all of my friends that I've lost touch with. I'm coming up on 2 years out of a relationship with an emotionally manipulative person. I'm dating someone right now which is kinda cool but we live kinda far apart and only see each other every couple weeks so I think I need to find someone to date who is closer to me. I'm having trouble with debt, bills, and bureaucracy. I'm currently in something called SOP-1 which is something for people with potential substance abuse issues. I take medicine to help me sleep because for some reason I can't sleep at normal times. The biggest thing I have trouble with is that I have no people in my life that I'm actually close to. Part of it is because that is how I made my life, but I feel like part of it is out of my control. I wish I had more inspiration in my life but maybe that is something that you have to find rather than wait to come to you. Life is just feeling kinda shitty lately. I know I have it alright and so I feel shitty for feeling shitty which makes it even worse ha. I'm pretty much a shut-in these days and it is taking a toll on me in a lot of ways.
Anyways, this thread isn't just for me to type giant walls of text at you guys. Feel free to tell me about how your life is going too. I'll do my best to have an open ear and be a good friend.
A great man once said "Life is like a box of chocolates.....you never know what you're going to get."
In all seriousness though, I will give you this piece of advice, find something you have a passion for then find others with that same passion and surround yourself with those people. It doesn't matter if it is pick up basketball, reading, slot car racing, video games, whatever it is find a passion and surround yourself with others who share that passion. No matter how trivial the thing you are passionate about may seem to some, you'll find it gives you something to get excited about. I am passionate about Madden. I play in a 32 man year round league that we have done for 3 years now and it has become almost like a club. We are all pretty close and it has kind of become a second set of "friends".
It won't fix all your issues, but sometimes the bad things don't seem so bad when you find some good to balance them with.
(10-04-2016, 03:55 AM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: 24 is way too young to have to lose a parent. I've very sorry to hear that. Fwiw, I lost my mother at 27 so I can sympathize with you.
I can't, or won't, say that everyone is the same at that age (mid-20's), but for me personally my mid-20's were a whirlwind of emotions, which I think can cause most of us some stress or unease.
People say that you see much more change in your earlier years, what with each advancing grade, new schools, new friends, first this, first that. But it's all rather planned out. You kind of you just move along at a similar pace to everyone else. And then there's college, and even though there's all of this newfound freedom, you're still kind of marching along to a plan. And even after college, a lot of people are still partying, still hanging out with the same people, there's not a ton of stress.
Then, like the sneaky bastard it is, your older age (you're getting older, but not old) starts rearing it's ugly head. A few people get married, some even pop out a kid. Some have serious girlfriends, some are single. Some have their own place, some are still at home. Some may even have bought a house. Some people have found their career, some have no clue what they want to do. Some people move, some friends lose touch. The list goes on and on...\
The point of all of this is just to show how much is going on at that age. IMO, it's the first time in your life you finally see the people you grew up with, the people of your age, start to go in their own direction. Gone are the days of everyone marching along from grade 8 to 9, or to their drivers liscense , or off to college. Everyone is doing different things, at their own pace. That in and of itself is an incredibly scary, and can be a pretty depressing thing.
I think a lot of people's friends list starts to dwindle at that age. And unfortunately, as you get even older don't be surprised to see your circle shrink further.
I wish I had some great advice, but I really don't. I'm just pointing out the being the age your at now can be all sorts of messed up. And couple that with losing a parent and I'd imagine it can be tough. Hell, I know it can. I guess the best advice I could give is to do your best to find something you really enjoy doing. And maybe you already have. Because that daily grind of work can wear on you. It's important to have something to look forward to once you clocked out for the day. That, and make a point to keep in touch with a few friends if you can.
A lot of truth in this Toast. I have been fortunate, in that a few of the friends I grew up with, actually went to college with me. A couple of them live in the same town as me, and most are within an hour and a half drive. There are a few on top of that who went to college with us that have been added to the circle, so I am very blessed in that regard in my 40s. We all went through the "older age" milestones around the same time. We now get together for cookouts several times in the summer, vacation together at times, do some holidays, kids' birthdays, we see quite a bit of each other. That's just the tight circle.....we're probably 20 or so deep. There are the friends I have made as a result of my adopted town....drinkin/ballgame buddies, if you will.
Treee: I was in a very similar place at your age. I had a soured relationship, tried to maintain a long distance bounceback with an older flame, and was having issues with substance abuse. I had a couple friends pass away, and several of my current circle were finishing college, marrying, etc....while I was mired in my misery. I took a couple of years off from school, as my grades had begun to suffer, got out of touch with a few....and furthered my spiral. I finally just sort of had an epiphany while spending some time in the woods, got my head out of my ass, and got back after it. Dean's List, working 40 hours a week. I think the class load, and the full time work didn't leave much room for anything but work and school. I was even taking intersession to get caught up and get out. Maybe that will help you, maybe not.....it certainly did it for me. Once I got out, and got working, I had social time, hanging out with my old friends, and met my wife (I actually met her a couple years earlier at my college job). A little bit of "I Got to Change My Way of Livin'" by the Allman Brothers Band helped me along the way too.
Good luck in your future endeavors, and I'm very sorry to hear about the passing of your father at such a young age.
(10-03-2016, 10:19 PM)treee Wrote: I don't really know what to post on here but I figure we could talk about our life and get to know each other. I'm 24, currently working and going to the local community college part time. My dad died earlier this year. I'm really missing all of my friends that I've lost touch with. I'm coming up on 2 years out of a relationship with an emotionally manipulative person. I'm dating someone right now which is kinda cool but we live kinda far apart and only see each other every couple weeks so I think I need to find someone to date who is closer to me. I'm having trouble with debt, bills, and bureaucracy. I'm currently in something called SOP-1 which is something for people with potential substance abuse issues. I take medicine to help me sleep because for some reason I can't sleep at normal times. The biggest thing I have trouble with is that I have no people in my life that I'm actually close to. Part of it is because that is how I made my life, but I feel like part of it is out of my control. I wish I had more inspiration in my life but maybe that is something that you have to find rather than wait to come to you. Life is just feeling kinda shitty lately. I know I have it alright and so I feel shitty for feeling shitty which makes it even worse ha. I'm pretty much a shut-in these days and it is taking a toll on me in a lot of ways.
Anyways, this thread isn't just for me to type giant walls of text at you guys. Feel free to tell me about how your life is going too. I'll do my best to have an open ear and be a good friend.
I'm 24 and lost my dad when I was 4. He had a sudden heart attack and his 40's and we learned he had the heart of a 90 year old man. While It sucks you lost your father hold on to the memories you do have because I spend a lot of my time wondering who my dad was as a person and how he could've effected my life. Luckily I have a Mom who has gone out of her way to help me understand that part of my life better but I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a void there. We've been really unfortunate and I've spent way too much of my young life dealing with death. I had been to 9 funerals before I was even 18. I lost my oldest brother when I was 12 and that was the biggest blow and one that I struggle with everyday. He wasn't just someone I looked up to but my best friend as well. I've learned the hard way that if you don't deal with those kind of tragedy's emotionally it's not gonna just disappear. I spent too much time being numb to it all...
I'm currently struggling with feeling like I've been stuck in neutral for too long. I spend a lot of time alone because my handful of close friends have moved on and it's hard for me to get out and socialize without a car or have a job. At one point I really wasn't interested in socializing but that can take a toll real quick. I thought being alone would help me sort out my life but it didn't and I ended up just souring my social life and smoking a lot of pot. You can never underestimate what socializing can do for you. The most important thing for me is to find a career I actually enjoy if I can manage that I feel like everything else I want out of life will fall into place. I don't feel like I want much just a job I enjoy, a family and just a stable life. At times I just feel really anxious that I'm running out of time to get my shit together. There's a girl I went to school and we still stay in touch even though she's on the other side of the state and we lead totally different lives at the moment. Sometimes I think we could be a good couple and sometimes I think it's just loneliness kicking in. It would've been really easy for us to drift apart the way people do between being hours away and an ex-boyfriend who hated my guts but for some reason we're still in touch.
I've been working hard lately at avoiding a victim mentality and focusing more on what I can do to fix my situation rather then feeling bummed because of it. It has made me feel more empowered and less helpless. I also try to focus on what these times have taught me because I believe there is something you can learn from anything/anyone good or bad. Just try to keep perspective that you have control to make this just a chapter in your life rather then the whole thing. Having a hobby can help a lot. Even the littlest thing as long as you're improving at something it can make you feel better. Ive got like 20 hobbies right now and am starting to feel like the guy from 40 Year Old Virgin but it helps.
Hope things get better for you and remember it's always darkest before dawn.
Death is a powerful force. Unfortunately treee and Cage have learned that at a young age. The grief of losing a parent at an age when they can still influence and guide your life is probably only matched by the unthinkable sorrow of losing a child as a parent. I didn't have my first child until last Halloween. She was born the day after my 41st birthday. One if my greatest fears is that I will die while she is still young.
Death and loss are also relentless. The older you get, the more it keeps rearing its ugly head. In recent years I've lost both grandmothers, younger cousins, older cousins, in laws, friends, friends' parents, pets... You get the idea. At first I chalked it up to a shitty year. I later realized that it was the new normal.
It's hard to give advise on relationships or feelings of loneliness. The best I can do is assure you that things generally will work themselves out for the better if you allow them to. Drugs and alcohol can put a band aid on the problem, but will always lead straight down. I've been in some dark places. I've seen things I wish I hadn't, and done things I'm ashamed of. I didn't find happiness in life until later. I became a man I never thought I could be.
Breech nailed it. Things can always suck more, and if you let them, they will. Keep moving forward. Keep a positive attitude. Think about the people that you've lost daily, and also be grateful for the people that you do have... Every single day.
Things will never be perfect. There are still things that I don't like about my life. If I can change them, I do. If not, I live with it. As time and the years go by, just make sure you have as little regret as possible.
(10-04-2016, 12:58 PM)jason Wrote: Death is a powerful force. Unfortunately treee and Cage have learned that at a young age. The grief of losing a parent at an age when they can still influence and guide your life is probably only matched by the unthinkable sorrow of losing a child as a parent. I didn't have my first child until last Halloween. She was born the day after my 41st birthday. One if my greatest fears is that I will die while she is still young.
Death and loss are also relentless. The older you get, the more it keeps rearing its ugly head. In recent years I've lost both grandmothers, younger cousins, older cousins, in laws, friends, friends' parents, pets... You get the idea. At first I chalked it up to a shitty year. I later realized that it was the new normal.
It's hard to give advise on relationships or feelings of loneliness. The best I can do is assure you that things generally will work themselves out for the better if you allow them to. Drugs and alcohol can put a band aid on the problem, but will always lead straight down. I've been in some dark places. I've seen things I wish I hadn't, and done things I'm ashamed of. I didn't find happiness in life until later. I became a man I never thought I could be.
Breech nailed it. Things can always suck more, and if you let them, they will. Keep moving forward. Keep a positive attitude. Think about the people that you've lost daily, and also be grateful for the people that you do have... Every single day.
Things will never be perfect. There are still things that I don't like about my life. If I can change them, I do. If not, I live with it. As time and the years go by, just make sure you have as little regret as possible.
Well said.....some things I did in those dark days I "speak on with hesitation, even though it's past the statute of limitations".
My fear is your fear. I had my children a little earlier, first one at 34, second one at 36. However, I had a mild heart attack at 32 as a result of out of control and unknown diabetes (hadn't been to a doc since a shoulder dislocation ten years prior). Shit like that begins to make you appreciate the little things in life more, quit stressing so much, and tell people that mean something to you how you feel. My friends even say I'm getting sappy. I make sure my girls know how much daddy loves them, and I try to teach them everything I know without having them "grow up too fast". I want to teach them all I can....because I share that fear with you.
(10-04-2016, 01:09 PM)WychesWarrior Wrote: Well said.....some things I did in those dark days I "speak on with hesitation, even though it's past the statute of limitations".
My fear is your fear. I had my children a little earlier, first one at 34, second one at 36. However, I had a mild heart attack at 32 as a result of out of control and unknown diabetes (hadn't been to a doc since a shoulder dislocation ten years prior). Shit like that begins to make you appreciate the little things in life more, quit stressing so much, and tell people that mean something to you how you feel. My friends even say I'm getting sappy. I make sure my girls know how much daddy loves them, and I try to teach them everything I know without having them "grow up too fast". I want to teach them all I can....because I share that fear with you.
Did you just quote an old Ice T song in that first paragraph?[emoji2]
(10-04-2016, 01:03 PM)fredtoast Wrote: I am not one of those people who claim that just thinking positive will fix things.
But I can pretty much guarantee that things will not get better without thinking positive.
Start with a schedule and discipline. That will start you feeling better about yourself.
This...
Listlessness is an awful feeling. The positive thinking only helps to steer your perception. The weird thing about "reality" is that it is what you say it is. You do have control over that.
Mine wasn't bad. Thanks for asking. Nothing really exciting to report though.
Anybody get some really good news? Maybe you got promoted today? Did you get lit last night, and go home with a questionable lady? Maybe you sealed a deal in a different way... I dunno.
I highly recommend volunteering in community events.
It is rewarding to know you've helped a good cause and the networking gained in the process is invaluable.
![[Image: 4CV0TeR.png]](https://i.imgur.com/4CV0TeR.png)
I'm sorry to hear about your chronic pain and emotional issues. I know that can seriously be a tough 1-2 punch. I really like the lyrics to the two songs you posted. It's difficult sometimes to not get tied down to your past feelings and memories. Just so you know, you'll always have a friend on here who will hear you out.
)
