For 18 days...

[*michaelsean*]

I hated everyone. I'd see people walking their dogs, and they looked happy an content. I hated them. I hated everyone I saw in the grocery. I'd see a man with his daughter walking and I'd think, "Do you know what you have?"

My 15 yr old son had a bone tumor that the Dr said was most likely NOT cancer. He showed all the reasons on the MRI, and yet he couldn't say 100% that it wasn't cancer. The way he talked said "Look there is a small chance that this is malignant, but I can't just say that." Having the O in OCD, I conjured up the worst. I went over every word he said. Sometimes it was reassuring, and sometimes it was devastating. My son had surgery last Wednesday, and finally today, 18 days later, we find out that it was benign.

It's scary how vulnerable we are as parents. There was very little chance he had cancer, and if it were cancer, chances were that removing the tumor would be the end of it, and yet I was a wreck for 18 days because there was a chance. Small as it was, there was a chance.

I know at least one person on this board has lost a child, and there may be more, but the entire time I've been a parent, I've never known how people survive that. In actuality I was nowhere close to losing my son, and deep down in my rational brain I knew it, yet impact was stunning.

I'm not even sure why I decided to write this, but as attentive as I believe I have been to my kids, there are some things I think I realized. During the times when I felt unbelievable dread, I realized all I want is happy, healthy kids. Everything else is noise. I was recently worrying whether my son would make his high school baseball team. I was thinking how many trips to the pitching coach do we need to make. Now? Hey my son just wants to play baseball, and if he doesn't make the high school team he still has his summer ball team, and I think he's fine with that, and so am I. I've made him play football in the past. Mainly because it's the one team you know you can make in high school. He sort of likes it sort of doesn't, not sure if he wants to play. Now I still think it's very good to be on a team in high school, and I will encourage it, but if he says he just doesn't want to play, then I'm ok with that. He will have to work a job if he doesn't play, but that's different I think.

I plan on not wasting some of the realizations that dawned on me.

[GMDino]

There is nothing worse that the helpless feeling when someone you love is sick...or you are afraid they are.

My wife use to get irritated because I always ended a conversation with "I love you."  Her argument was that it means less if you say it too much.  My argument was it could be the last time I ever get to say it.

Good thoughts to you and your family.  

[oncemoreuntothejimbreech]

I'm happy for you and your family the results were benign.

[Vas Deferens]

glad to hear he is doing well.

[Bengalzona]

Parental love is a primal love and can be more powerful than any other emotion. It can also cause other emotions to go haywire, particularly when a rational person wants to exert a control over the emotion this powerful. Emotions this powerful impact your physiology and psyche and can't fully be controlled. But you can untangle the emotional jumble and generally direct things in a certain direction by understanding the root of it all (anger can be caused by frustration, frustration caused by fear, fear caused by concern for a loved one, etc.).

[jfkbengals]

I'm happy to hear the news that it is benign. Best wishes in the recovery!

[SunsetBengal]

Happy to read that it wasn't cancer. Hope your son recovers and continues to enjoy a healthy, happy life.

[BengalHawk62]

Very good news!  I'm happy for you, your son, and your family.  I cannot imagine the difficult situation you guys went thru.  May the Lord keeping shining down upon you.  There is nothing worse than that helpless feeling you get in situations like that. 

[Benton]

At least one good thing happened for a Bengals fan this season!

Seriously, glad to hear the clear bill.

[Sabretooth]

Glad to hear your son came thru fine.
Good thoughts and prayers for all.

[RICHMONDBENGAL_07]

(10-31-2016, 04:32 PM)michaelsean Wrote: I hated everyone.  I'd see people walking their dogs, and they looked happy an content.  I hated them.  I hated everyone I saw in the grocery.  I'd see a man with his daughter walking and I'd think, "Do you know what you have?"

My 15 yr old son had a bone tumor that the Dr said was most likely NOT cancer.  He showed all the reasons on the MRI, and yet he couldn't say 100% that it wasn't cancer.  The  way he talked said "Look there is a small chance that this is malignant, but I can't just say that."  Having the O in OCD, I conjured up the worst.  I went over every word he said.  Sometimes it was reassuring, and sometimes it was devastating.  My son had surgery last Wednesday, and finally today, 18 days later, we find out that it was benign.  

It's scary how vulnerable we are as parents.  There was very little chance he had cancer, and if it were cancer, chances were that removing the tumor would be the end of it, and yet I was a wreck for 18 days because there was a chance.  Small as it was, there was a chance.  

I know at least one person on this board has lost a child, and there may be more, but the entire time I've been a parent, I've never known how people survive that.  In actuality I was nowhere close to losing my son, and deep down in my rational brain I knew it, yet impact was stunning.

I'm not even sure why I decided to write this, but as attentive as I believe I have been to my kids, there are some things I think I realized.  During the times when I felt unbelievable dread, I realized all I want is   happy, healthy kids.  Everything else is noise.  I was recently worrying whether my son would make his high school baseball team.  I was thinking how many trips to the pitching coach do we need to make.  Now?  Hey my son just wants to play baseball, and if he doesn't make the high school team he still has his summer ball team, and I think he's fine with that, and so am I.  I've made him play football in the past.  Mainly because it's the one team you know you can make in high school.  He sort of likes it sort of doesn't, not sure if he wants to play.  Now I still think it's very good to be on a team in high school, and I will encourage it, but if he says he just doesn't want to play, then I'm ok with that.  He will have to work a job if he doesn't play, but that's different I think.

I plan on not wasting some of the realizations that dawned on me.

So glad to hear that your son will be OK.  I completely understand where you're coming from (everything else is just noise).  I know some people here know that my son is diabetic, diagnosed when he was 4yo.  I remember being devastated, but he just turned 16 this past August and has a happy life and does all the stupid things other teenagers do and I couldn't be happier.   Well except he has to check his blood sugars and take insulin and he gets irritated sometimes with it.  There are so many other children out there with medical conditions I couldn't fathom having to deal with.  Best to you and yours.

[*michaelsean*]

(11-03-2016, 01:50 AM)RICHMONDBENGAL_07 Wrote: So glad to hear that your son will be OK.  I completely understand where you're coming from (everything else is just noise).  I know some people here know that my son is diabetic, diagnosed when he was 4yo.  I remember being devastated, but he just turned 16 this past August and has a happy life and does all the stupid things other teenagers do and I couldn't be happier.   Well except he has to check his blood sugars and take insulin and he gets irritated sometimes with it.  There are so many other children out there with medical conditions I couldn't fathom having to deal with.  Best to you and yours.

So I assume he has the juvenile one, but maybe it's called something else now?  There's nothing you can do about that one but treat it right?  It's not like when maybe an obese person gets diabetes, and they can get rid of it through diet and exercise.

If you treat this diabetes correctly, are there any long term issues with it?

[RICHMONDBENGAL_07]

(11-03-2016, 10:08 AM)michaelsean Wrote: So I assume he has the juvenile one, but maybe it's called something else now?  There's nothing you can do about that one but treat it right?  It's not like when maybe an obese person gets diabetes, and they can get rid of it through diet and exercise.

If you treat this diabetes correctly, are there any long term issues with it?

You are correct, it is often referred to as  juvenile diabetes.  It is usually referred to as type I diabetes (type II being the other you referred to.)  It can be complicated, such as my sister and father are both type I, but neither developed the disease until they were in their early 20's.  To put it simply type I diabetics bodies do not produce enough insulin.  Where as type II diabetics bodies do not regulate the insulin their bodies do produce.

Even if you do treat type I diabetes correctly through glucose monitoring and proper insulin injections you can still end up having complications down the road.  Control it tightly enough and you can have good health for a very long time.  If you are lax about it things can go south pretty fast. Constant monitoring and control is key.

[*rfaulk34*]

(10-31-2016, 04:32 PM)michaelsean Wrote: I hated everyone.  I'd see people walking their dogs, and they looked happy an content.  I hated them.  I hated everyone I saw in the grocery.  I'd see a man with his daughter walking and I'd think, "Do you know what you have?"

My 15 yr old son had a bone tumor that the Dr said was most likely NOT cancer.  He showed all the reasons on the MRI, and yet he couldn't say 100% that it wasn't cancer.  The  way he talked said "Look there is a small chance that this is malignant, but I can't just say that."  Having the O in OCD, I conjured up the worst.  I went over every word he said.  Sometimes it was reassuring, and sometimes it was devastating.  My son had surgery last Wednesday, and finally today, 18 days later, we find out that it was benign.  

It's scary how vulnerable we are as parents.  There was very little chance he had cancer, and if it were cancer, chances were that removing the tumor would be the end of it, and yet I was a wreck for 18 days because there was a chance.  Small as it was, there was a chance.  

I know at least one person on this board has lost a child, and there may be more, but the entire time I've been a parent, I've never known how people survive that.  In actuality I was nowhere close to losing my son, and deep down in my rational brain I knew it, yet impact was stunning.

I'm not even sure why I decided to write this, but as attentive as I believe I have been to my kids, there are some things I think I realized.  During the times when I felt unbelievable dread, I realized all I want is   happy, healthy kids.  Everything else is noise.  I was recently worrying whether my son would make his high school baseball team.  I was thinking how many trips to the pitching coach do we need to make.  Now?  Hey my son just wants to play baseball, and if he doesn't make the high school team he still has his summer ball team, and I think he's fine with that, and so am I.  I've made him play football in the past.  Mainly because it's the one team you know you can make in high school.  He sort of likes it sort of doesn't, not sure if he wants to play.  Now I still think it's very good to be on a team in high school, and I will encourage it, but if he says he just doesn't want to play, then I'm ok with that.  He will have to work a job if he doesn't play, but that's different I think.

I plan on not wasting some of the realizations that dawned on me.

Good to hear the good news!  :)

I understand completely what you were feeling. Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my son passing. Even now, when there's the the unknown that i'm aware of--recent example. A friend of my late son's, that he played basketball with in school, recently was injured at work and was in a coma for a time--i feel "something". That something is kind of hard to define because i'm certainly not hoping for bad news for others, but you kind of go 'yeah, i'm sure he/she will be fine' but inside i'm kind of jealous because they can still get good news and i can't. I'd never wish ill will or bad news on anyone, which is why i hate that feeling so much. But it's just kind of human nature. 

Here's to the many good times to come for you and your son! Enjoy them as much as you humanly can. :)

[*michaelsean*]

(11-04-2016, 02:27 PM)rfaulk34 Wrote: Good to hear the good news!  :)

I understand completely what you were feeling. Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my son passing. Even now, when there's the the unknown that i'm aware of--recent example. A friend of my late son's, that he played basketball with in school, recently was injured at work and was in a coma for a time--i feel "something". That something is kind of hard to define because i'm certainly not hoping for bad news for others, but you kind of go 'yeah, i'm sure he/she will be fine' but inside i'm kind of jealous because they can still get good news and i can't. I'd never wish ill will or bad news on anyone, which is why i hate that feeling so much. But it's just kind of human nature. 

Here's to the many good times to come for you and your son! Enjoy them as much as you humanly can. :)

  I get that.  You'd give anything to have your son in a coma right now let alone a son with a tumor in his leg that the Dr all but said while we can be surprised, this thing is benign.  I get that feeling of envy or whatever it's called.  I felt it, and my son was basically fine.  I'm afraid I would hate everyone who wasn't miserable for a long long time.  

 I've watched people who have lost loved ones from disease, and the progression of what they would be willing to accept to have their loved one live reveals just what is important.  

[Cure4CF]

I understand that feeling completely. Glad everything turned out well! Rfaulk I'm sorry man! Thoughts and prayers to both of the family's.

[RICHMONDBENGAL_07]

(11-04-2016, 03:09 PM)michaelsean Wrote:   I get that.  You'd give anything to have your son in a coma right now let alone a son with a tumor in his leg that the Dr all but said while we can be surprised, this thing is benign.  I get that feeling of envy or whatever it's called.  I felt it, and my son was basically fine.  I'm afraid I would hate everyone who wasn't miserable for a long long time.  

 I've watched people who have lost loved ones from disease, and the progression of what they would be willing to accept to have their loved one live reveals just what is important.  

On the same level, there are times when I see others not so fortunate and feel lucky.  I have cousin who's daughter is severely physically and mentally disabled, she is the same age as my son. My heart sinks for them every time I see them.

[RICHMONDBENGAL_07]

(11-04-2016, 02:27 PM)rfaulk34 Wrote: Good to hear the good news!  :)

I understand completely what you were feeling. Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of my son passing. Even now, when there's the the unknown that i'm aware of--recent example. A friend of my late son's, that he played basketball with in school, recently was injured at work and was in a coma for a time--i feel "something". That something is kind of hard to define because i'm certainly not hoping for bad news for others, but you kind of go 'yeah, i'm sure he/she will be fine' but inside i'm kind of jealous because they can still get good news and i can't. I'd never wish ill will or bad news on anyone, which is why i hate that feeling so much. But it's just kind of human nature. 

Here's to the many good times to come for you and your son! Enjoy them as much as you humanly can. :)

I can't imagine the level of pain you've had to endure.  I can understand though why you would feel that way.  I in no way would even think to try to compare troubles my son has to deal with to you losing your son. But I can understand that feeling of jealousy, I felt it when my son was diagnosed with diabetes.  I had more to say but couldn't quite think of how to put it.  You have my deepest condolences and sympathies.