We Hit Peak 2019

[CJD]

(12-17-2019, 10:40 AM)michaelsean Wrote: I gotta be honest.  I'm tired of being told I've got to learn all of this shit.  There seem to be more rules to talking to or about black people than I can possibly remember.  Pretty soon you're just going to have people afraid to say anything.

And the amount of adults with a secondary education who aren't the least bit articulate is astounding.

In my experience, the vast majority of people give a fair amount of latitude when it comes to things like this. I've said multiple offensive things to people unintentionally in my life and they've typically just pointed out "that viewpoint really hurts my feelings and this is why." I listen to them, I apologize (assuming I agree that their world view and world experience is valid) and we move on.

And it's not just black people who get offended. When I was younger I asked one of my friends, who has a set of lesbians moms and gay dads, "so did your biological parents have sex or is your dad more like a sperm donor?"  and she just said "I mean...he's not a sperm donor, he's my dad. But I think they did do in vitro." It was clear my phrasing (and honestly, even asking about her parents' sex lives in general) made her uncomfortable and she explained that she's had to deal with people questioning her parental situation her whole life and it's a sore topic. I apologized and said I shouldn't have pried into their personal business or downgrade her dad to a sperm donor. It was just a stupid question and phrasing. She accepted my apology and the day went on.

Being offended or being uncomfortable when someone brings up a sensitive topic is a natural thing that all people have. It's just when it comes to racial things, they are often a bit more ubiquitous. And when you hear or deal with the same thing over and over again (black people also have people inexplicably want to touch their hair more often than you'd think), it can begin to wear down their patience. The reaction of the person is important, but most times people who are offended at least attempt to explain why they got offended and provide the opportunity for the person to understand why what they said was offensive, even if it wasn't intended.

Unless they see you as a lost cause. But this usually only occurs after multiple attempts at correcting someone.

That's a rather long way of saying "You can say racist/offensive things without being a racist/bigot and most people won't immediately condemn you for it, especially if you are apologetic and/or acknowledge you didn't intend it the way it was taken."

It isn't a set of hard rules that we all must abide by at all times when interacting with black people. It's just...be respectful and listen to them if something you say happens to have a history or context that you were not aware of.

I think Twitter and the ability to respond directly to public figures is just kind of...making these interactions less personal. And any interaction that loses personal or in person aspect has a tendency to fly off the rails.