Shocked and dismayed with "gay" remarks on this site

[Lucidus]

I joined this site some time ago in an effort to seek out and follow interesting and educated discussion about my favorite NFL team, the Bengals. While I don't have a great deal of time available to spend upon the site, I do try to take advantage of every opportunity that I have a few extra moments to browse and ready the topics and try to get better acquainted with the membership.

However, the past few weeks have been rather eye-opening and extremely disappointing for someone, such as myself, who was very excited to join this site. In looking through the different threads in the different forums, I started to notice a rather uncomfortable occurrence, and that was the use of derogatory homosexual slights and phrasing. This would often occur in the form of jokes, although not always, with the implication being that someone is acting in a homosexual manner or that something is of a homosexual variety.

I was rather disturbed to see not only the regularity in which this occurred, but also by the seemingly total lack of resistance that such behavior was met with. Even more alarming was that, not only does it seemed to be tolerated by the staff, but there are actually staff members who are the most blatant about doing it. This all left me rather bewildered and disheartened.

I am a homosexual. I am very proud and content with who I am, with my sexuality and with being open with talking about such issues. However, I am also someone who takes umbrage with the ease in which offensiveness, ignorance and lack of compassion are often condoned, or looked over, in public interactions or environments. I don't feel that I should have to be required to read offensive remarks and "jokes" that are derogatory toward homosexuals in order to be a member of this site; not because I myself am a homosexual, or that I'm offended personally, but because this form of crass and juvenile content has no place in a modern public exchange. What I find most offensive is that the staff not only allows such behavior, but participates in it. In my opinion, it undercuts any dignity this site and its membership wish to hold itself.

This is meant as a constructive criticism, even if it may seem rather harsh. I know said criticism will most like be met with responses such as: "they're only jokes" -- "they're not meant to offend" -- or "you need to lighten up." However, in condoning such behavior, the site itself is granting it's approval, whether tacit or implicit.

I hope this post will be taken in the context in which it was intended; as a well-intended critique and plea to examine the issue.

[Stewy]

Please would you mind please posting some examples WITHOUT the name of the posters? Either I am desensitized to it (very possible) or I do not read thing as in depth as you (also very possible).

I am not challenging you. I honestly haven't noticed the problem.

[fredtoast]

I am very sensitive to this type of behavior. I have a transgender son. But I really have not seen it around here. I just did a search for the word "gay" and went back over a month. Did not find one example of anyone using "gay" as a slur or insult.

What specifically have you seen recently that motivated you to start this thread?

[Beaker]

(04-04-2019, 07:41 PM)Lucidus Wrote: I don't feel that I should have to be required to read offensive remarks and "jokes" that are derogatory toward homosexuals in order to be a member of this site; 

You're not require to read anything. If you think the content is too low brow or offensive for you, you are free to not peruse. 

What you are saying is the "bad" thing about this site, I consider to be one of it's strong points....lack of censorship and dismissal of overly PC culture. And I am the father of a homosexual daughter who is well adjusted, not offended and doesn't seek safe spaces. This site is what it is, and the community has developed together. Feel free to join us, or feel free to avoid us. The beauty is you have the choice. 

If you don't like the current climate, a better tactic might be to attempt to influence it via your personality over time rather than claiming offense. Post here, involve yourself in discussions, and see how things evolve.

[fredtoast]

(04-04-2019, 08:01 PM)Beaker Wrote: You're not require to read anything. If you think the content is too low brow or offensive for you, you are free to not peruse. 

I agree with most of what you say, but this does not make a lot of sense.

How does he know if it is offensive without reading it?  He should not be forced to give up this site entirely just because of some homophobic posts.

[Beaker]

(04-04-2019, 08:23 PM)fredtoast Wrote: He should not be forced to give up this site entirely just because of some homophobic posts.

Choice is his. No force involved. He is welcome to be part of our community. But if the uncensored nature offends him too much, then he may want to look for other places to talk Bengals. I think he should stay and add his personality, thoughts and insights to the mix.

PS. I didn't know you and I both had LBGTQ children. We don't see eye to eye on quite a few of our views, but the longer we stay here, and the more we learn about each other, I am starting to also see quite a few similarities. Frankly I am a bit disturbed by it. 

[Lucidus]

(04-04-2019, 07:51 PM)fredtoast Wrote: I am very sensitive to this type of behavior.  I have a transgender son.  But I really have not seen it around here.  I just did a search for the word "gay" and went back over a month.  Did not find one example of anyone using "gay" as a slur or insult.

What specifically have you seen recently that motivated you to start this thread?

I should clarify sir. It's not necessarily the actual word "gay" being used. Rather it is most the insinuation that another person or thing is gay, through the use of alternate phrasing, and sometimes through images. When i have a little more time, I will offer some of the examples that stuck out the most. I apologize for not having that information available at the time of posting.

I should say one more thing as well. I don't mean to imply that the substituted words or phrases are always meant as a slur or insult. In fact, in most cases, it seems to be using in a joking context. However, it is the very fact that it is used in such a context that can lend to the implication that it's derogatory by it's very intent; to use homosexuality as a comparative subject in which one could demean, poke fun at or draw a negative conclusion about via humor.

When I have more time available, I will elaborate more on the instances and examples I have encountered.

[Lucidus]

(04-04-2019, 08:01 PM)Beaker Wrote: You're not require to read anything. If you think the content is too low brow or offensive for you, you are free to not peruse. 

What you are saying is the "bad" thing about this site, I consider to be one of it's strong points....lack of censorship and dismissal of overly PC culture. And I am the father of a homosexual daughter who is well adjusted, not offended and doesn't seek safe spaces. This site is what it is, and the community has developed together. Feel free to join us, or feel free to avoid us. The beauty is you have the choice. 

If you don't like the current climate, a better tactic might be to attempt to influence it via your personality over time rather than claiming offense. Post here, involve yourself in discussions, and see how things evolve.

While I respect your point of view, I must offer that there is another, and a rather effective, way in which one can influence positive change: to actually address and confront the issue at hand. Discussion about said issue is, in my experience, a much better and more efficient avenue.

[SunsetBengal]

(04-04-2019, 08:37 PM)Lucidus Wrote: I should clarify sir. It's not necessarily the actual word "gay" being used. Rather it is most the insinuation that another person or thing is gay, through the use of alternate phrasing, and sometimes through images. When i have a little more time, I will offer some of the examples that stuck out the most. I apologize for not having that information available at the time of posting.

I should say one more thing as well. I don't mean to imply that the itself is meant as a slur or insult. In fact, in most cases, it seems to be using in a joking context. However, it is the very fact that it is used in such a context that can lend to the implication that it's derogatory by it's very intent; to use homosexuality as a comparative subject in which one could demean, poke fun at or draw a negative conclusion about via humor.

When I have more time available, I will elaborate more on the instances and examples I have encountered.

Speaking as a Staff Member, I want to assure you that on thebengalsboard.com, we do not tolerate any sort of bullying, ridiculing, or generally insulting in any manner, especially instances involving race, ethnicity or sexuality.  The Code of Conduct is very clear on these things, and we as staff do our best to uphold and enforce those rules to ensure that everyone has a favorable experience on here.

Seeing how you are unable to provide any specific examples of what you are claiming.  I must ask you to please report these instances when you see them.  Every report submitted to the staff is taken seriously, and reviewed prior to any action or dismissal of complaint is issued.  For example, just in the past week we have amended the language filter to include a few more words and phrases that we overlooked previously.  So, my best advice is when you see something that isn't right, report it.  It will be examined and the moderation team will handle it appropriately.

[Benton]

Welcome aboard. If you have specific concerns, as sunset has mentioned , use the report tool. It's the quickest way for mods to address any situation .

If it's a general concern, feel free to message any of the staff

[*michaelsean*]

I would say he means implying someone is homosexual or performing a homosexual act as an insult albeit in a joking manner.

[*Wyche'sWarrior*]

First off, when you were posting more about the Bengals, I really enjoyed your in depth posts and opinions on the team. I personally wish you posted more, but understand about the time issue. Second, I'm sorry you feel some content here is offensive. I've been a part of this community since 2010, and there a lot of good folks here. The question I have is, are you seeing this mostly in the smack forum? It's intended to be offensive, that's the nature of that particular forum. Not that trampling on people's feelings or views is necessarily condoned, but smack is the version of the Wild West on this board.

[fredtoast]

Kind of frustrating to try and speculate when we have no idea what he is talking about.

For example the generic term "sucks" is deemed offensive by some homosexuals.  I have had this discussion with some gay friends.  It seems a bit hyper-sensitive to me, but I can definitely see a difference between saying something "sucks" and saying something "sucks balls" or any other reference to male anatomy.

I have also stopped using the term "c*cksucker" as an expletive.

[*michaelsean*]

(04-05-2019, 11:31 AM)fredtoast Wrote: Kind of frustrating to try and speculate when we have no idea what he is talking about.

For example the generic term "sucks" is deemed offensive by some homosexuals.  I have had this discussion with some gay friends.  It seems a bit hyper-sensitive to me, but I can definitely see a difference between saying something "sucks" and saying something "sucks balls" or any other reference to male anatomy.

I have also stopped using the term "c*cksucker" as an expletive.

You know, there are jokes meant as insults implying someone is engaging in a homosexual act or is gay.  

[Truck_1_0_1_]

I'm completely at a loss for words; the only part of this site I avoid is Smack and everything there is complete de-evolution (notice that's the #1 place Stooler fans post on here ).

If that's the case, I agree in the above comments to just avoid like the plague, whatever you deem to be inappropriate.

I haven't even once seen anything remotely homophobic or related posts of that nature, on JN and I know (from personal experience) that anything that is even the slightest bit offensive, is taken down immediately, with or without a report (but if reported, it is taken care of swiftly).

Draft Forum, Around the NFL, Klotsch, P&R, the above applies as well.

[sandwedge]

(04-05-2019, 11:56 AM)Truck_1_0_1_ Wrote: I'm completely at a loss for words; the only part of this site I avoid is Smack and everything there is complete de-evolution (notice that's the #1 place Stooler fans post on here ).

If that's the case, I agree in the above comments to just avoid like the plague, whatever you deem to be inappropriate.

I haven't even once seen anything remotely homophobic or related posts of that nature, on JN and I know (from personal experience) that anything that is even the slightest bit offensive, is taken down immediately, with or without a report (but if reported, it is taken care of swiftly).

Draft Forum, Around the NFL, Klotsch, P&R, the above applies as well.

I haven't seen anything either... I was thinking the same also, the mods pretty much are on top of violations.

[*michaelsean*]

I'm not judging right or wrong, but certainly you guys see in the non-football forums where someone implies someone is gay or commits homosexual acts and uses it as a dig. I wouldn't know how to search it, but it's all over the place. I'll be honest, a fair amount of people from the left who I in no way believe are homophobic make these jokes, and I just kind of figured if they were doing it that it's OK. I personally don't do it, or if I did it was rare but I don't think I have, but not because I thought it was bad, just it's not my brand of humor.

[Tiger Teeth]

Personally, I haven't noticed actual slurs as the OP mentions. But I think the Admin team does a great job deleting offensive posts, and aren't afraid to suspend or ban members who violate the CoC, especially repeatedly.

This is a public forum, and it's going to have members of all beliefs and opinions. Some are going to be offensive to others, it's the nature of the beast. But overall, it's the best place to discuss Bengals football as well as a variety of other topics.

[*michaelsean*]

(04-05-2019, 01:16 PM)Tiger Teeth Wrote: Personally, I haven't noticed actual slurs as the OP mentions.  But I think the Admin team does a great job deleting offensive posts, and aren't afraid to suspend or ban members who violate the CoC, especially repeatedly.

This is a public forum, and it's going to have members of all beliefs and opinions.  Some are going to be offensive to others, it's the nature of the beast.  But overall, it's the best place to discuss Bengals football as well as a variety of other topics.

No it's not direct slurs toward gay people.  It's the implication that something is wrong with being gay by accusing someone of being gay or performing gay sexual acts as part of an insult.  Anyone remember the Carson Palmer about to swallow a giant hot dog ad?  What's the implication there?  It's usually in words but that's one that I just remembered.  

Not sure how I became the spokesperson for Ludicus here, but could someone please at least let me know that i'm not nuts and they know what the hell I'm talking about?

[sandwedge]

(04-05-2019, 01:16 PM)Tiger Teeth Wrote: Personally, I haven't noticed actual slurs as the OP mentions.  But I think the Admin team does a great job deleting offensive posts, and aren't afraid to suspend or ban members who violate the CoC, especially repeatedly.

This is a public forum, and it's going to have members of all beliefs and opinions.  Some are going to be offensive to others, it's the nature of the beast.  But overall, it's the best place to discuss Bengals football as well as a variety of other topics.

It's one of the reason I have enjoyed this board. It's one of the few boards, I have been on, where you get know someone outside of football. Lucidus, don't let some dumbass ruin a good thing for you. Enjoy the board and I also enjoyed reading your post. Even if you speak better English than I can comprehend most times!!