Passenger From My Wreck Is Opening Up?

[BFritz21]

(08-04-2021, 06:05 PM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: Brad, I'm sure it's something that is very difficult for him to talk about, and especially around you.

A couple of friends from my area and school got in a car wreck when they were like 16.  The driver died, and the passenger was in a coma for a long time but he ended up recovering.  I believe at the time the cops found weed in the car and they were rumored to have been speeding.  Translation = They were just being really dumb kids and they paid BIG time for it.

Anways, the guy who lived went to my school and I'll still see him occassionally.  I've literally only heard him speak the other kid's name once in the 25 years since it happened.  And when he did that I was almost shocked.  Not that he went into some great detail about anything or we had some long conversation about him, but just hearing him say his name.  I think it's kind of been mutually understood between everyone to not bring up the other guy or the wreck when he's around.

Keep in mind, this kid wasn't even driving.  He was just there and suffered too.  But I can tell this is a super sensitive subject for him.  So much so that I think I remember hearing he avoided the other family after this all went down.  I don't even think they were mad at him, they just wanted to make sure he was ok (dude was in a coma and the hospital for like 6 months) but I don't think he could face them.

So as I'm writing this it's clear to me I have absolutely no answer for you.  I just think it's important to note that when stuff this heavy goes down people can cope and deal in many different ways.  I don't think it's always the easiest to get a read on it.  And as far as him getting into drugs or any of that, I'm sure your situation played into that, at least somewhat.

I can't imagine being involved in a situation like this, especially if something as trivial as who gets shotgun results in completely different consequences for two people.  I can only imagine what it's like for both of you.

His parents and brother have always been cool to me and I've actually probably talked to them just as much, if not more, than I've talked to him in the past 10 years.  

I guess I have to just play it by ear and hope he opens up again.

(08-04-2021, 06:44 PM)SunsetBengal Wrote: Brad, all of you that were involved in that crash were permanently altered as a result.  Some in a physical state, like yourself, and others in their psychological/emotional state, like the man who was in the passenger seat.  Each of your lives was forever changed because of the events that transpired that night.

Why your friend took so long to talk about that night is not the issue, the fact that he has, is what is vital to the healing process.  Your physical injuries will never fully heal, but your psyche can.  Because you were forever altered from that crash does not mean that the crash is what defines you, as a man.  My advice would be to welcome the dialogue with your friend, embrace the fact that you can still have a relationship, and be supportive of one another moving forward.

I've NEVER let the wreck define me, and I think that's why so many people love me.  My mindset has always been "I'm alive, so who cares what I can't do?  I can still think and move and smile."

The driver definitely has let the wreck define him and just let his life go to hell.  I'm kind of scared when he gets out of jail just because he's such a psycho that I'm afraid he'll flip out one night and kill me.  In '09, he said I'm the last thing on his mind before he goes to bed and the first thing on his mind when he wakes up, but, a few months after that, he also tried to kill himself by jumping in front of a semi and posted on my wall that he hopes I'm happy because he did it for my birthday present (I've mentioned that before so sorry if you already knew).

The passenger let the wreck define him but maybe by opening up, like you said, he's finally getting over it.  Hopefully he can move on.  I'd like to find a way too bring it up but maybe he'll be at the Tavern again soon and we can chat then.