Posts: 3,267
Threads: 195
Reputation:
16836
Joined: May 2015
Location: Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity. Two weeks from everywhere!
Dearest Father-
A dispatch from HQ has arrived this morn. We’ve been told to expect an attack from a pack of brownies from the northern waste land soon. Furthermore, they are led by a cook. I do not fathom how this is remotely wise. Our cooks are not issued sidearms.
Fear not Father, our men still has a lot of fight left and are determined to take the initiative against these brownies and their cook.
Your loyal son,
Joseph
Deceitful, two-faced she-woman. Never trust a female, Delmar, remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent.
Posts: 9,026
Threads: 51
Reputation:
47428
Joined: May 2015
Location: Top floor of the Better Business Burrow
Dearest son,
This cook from the land of Cleves of which you speak has proven a most worthy adversary to your squadron in days past. His last foray onto your soil left him counting the spoils of victory, as did your venturing to his domicile. Tarry not with your duties, my son, as the black birds from Mary-land and the steel handlers of the Yinzer village draw still closer. Courage and faith, my son, will see you through this conflagration. Remember, pride goeth before the fall, and it is deeds not words that ultimately will win the Northern division of this American conference.
God Speed, Captain!
Your resolute father.
PS: Your sister now has your mother's dysentery.
Posts: 3,514
Threads: 239
Reputation:
27017
Joined: May 2015
Dearest mother —
I have received your care package of spiced raccoon cheeks and flattened snake strips. The Browns inch closer to our camp. Scouts report hearing growls in the distance and have found traces of grits along their trail. Troubling.
— Joseph
Posts: 534
Threads: 8
Reputation:
1145
Joined: Nov 2016
Dear overlord
The duck swims softly on the stormy waters. I repeat, the duck swims softly on the stormy waters. The tiger tail is limp, I repeat the tiger tail is limp.
Over
Posts: 13,440
Threads: 132
Reputation:
89190
Joined: May 2015
ATTN: Joesph Burrow
**** rolls down hill and a large pile will be dropping into Cincinnati around 1:00 PM Sunday. Please flush back up the Ohio River like the Bean Burrito and Bourbon I had for dinner last night.
John Cranley, Mayor