MY Old Man's Brain Is Deteriorating

[BFritz21]

This is basically just a thread that I need to let my emotions out, so I apologize to anyone that opened this thread looking for any kind of humor or anything that would have any relevance to their life. No one has to read this because I'm just trying to vent to hope that it helps me feel better.

My old man is my hero and the smartest person I know. He grew up in poverty, went to college on an academic scholarship, played baseball and basketball (he's actually the D1's all-time leading field goal percentage leader at 100%, 1 for 1 ), married his childhood love, got a job at an accounting firm, took a risk and became a partner at a smaller accounting firm, grew it into a bigger company in the area, still donated time and money to charity while doing his own work, and was just a friend to everyone.

At one point, he won an award for one of Northern Kentucky's most distinguished people.

I could go on for a few more long paragraphs about his accomplishments and what he has done for other people.

He was the opposite of a tight ass. Not on stupid things just to spend money, but we lived in a nice house and had average cars. We had nice golf clubs but we always played with knock-offs because there was no reason to play with clubs that cost hundreds more but didn't improve your play.

After the wreck, once we realized we wouldn't go bankrupt from my medical bills (even though we got screwed in the ciivl suit and didn't get any money), he LOVED TO SPEND MONEY! Not on stupid things but he liked to have nice things and he liked to make sure our family was taken care of. He'd never hesitate to pick up big tabs or anything.

For example, my sister's his only daughter, so her wedding was RIDICULOUS!

He was also a big tipper if the person serving was a nice person and did their job, which is something he passed down to us: treat people good if they treat you good.

He is diabetic and has a bunch of other health problems, so he was lucky to make it to retirement at age 63 (65 was the normal retirement age here but the deal he signed when he bought into the company let him retire at 63), but he has been relatively healthy and seemed like himself. He still has a lot of money. He's at no risk of ever having any financial problems.

Lately, though, he has seemed off. He's in Hilton Head, but he sends out this email to our family mad at me because I had bought a few meals on his account at the country club and a few drinks and had tipped pretty well, just like he alway did. Granted that I didn't know that the club already took 17%, but it still only came out to about 50 or 60 bucks.

I'm confused but I apologize and say that I'll stop spending money and whatever. My brother tells me that I can charge things to his account.

Yesterday, I hear some noise at the country club on my way home from the gym, so I roll over to see what's going on and they're having a swim meet. I start typing to people like I always do and most people always love seeing me. Some people ask why I'm not drinking (there's a big bar near the snack shop), so I just joke and say that my tight ass old man cut me off, which everyone laughed at, but a few people bought me drinks. I don't like to mooch but I'm also not going to be rude.

I told that to one of our good friends and he texts him and jokingly says "Just wanna say thanks because Brad has bought us 10 rounds so far!"

My old man texts me PISSED and says "you're done, blah, blah, blah," and I explain that someone is messing with him because I had only had one or two drinks and someone else had bought them for me!

He doesn't even listen and texts back "time will tell who you're spending money on AGAIN."

I didn't even respond to that because he's obviously just losing it.

I text my siblings and their spouses to make sure I wasn't just seeing things wrong and my brother agreed that he's losing it and my sister said that he tells people that her and her husband put things on their tab.

This happened quickly. It seemed like months ago he was completely fine.

I hope it's just a phase or something but I have a feeling that we're going to have to start enjoying the time left that we can spend with him because he does seem fine at times.

Luckily, my mom still seems as sharp as ever, but I do feel bad that she has to put up with everything.

Sorry for the long read, but has anyone else ever dealt with this sort of thing?

[grampahol]

I gotta tell you that if you were my son there would be no country club anything and you would be either buying your own drinks or you would remain sober..end of story.  Tough to give sympathy for blowing your own dads money on booze in a country club.. The version of sympathy from me would be from a dictionary between shit and syphilis..   
I love my son, but he has about as much chance of me paying his country club booze bill as he does flying to the moon in a 2x4 rocket ship held together with grade school paste glue...burnt matches for fuel..

[*bfine32*]

maybe he's not "losing it" maybe he's just going through a rough patch. If he has much money tied up in the market, it's likely he's taken a hit in the pocket (I know). Don't be so defensive, just ask him if there's anything you can do, besides stop putting food and drink on his tab.

[Goalpost]

(06-03-2022, 06:51 PM)bfine32 Wrote: maybe he's not "losing it" maybe he's just going through a rough patch. If he has much money tied up in the market, it's likely he's taken a hit in the pocket 

I can relate to this.  I worked til 58 and retired and planned on living some on my savings 'only' until I'm 62 and social security kicks in.  My bank adviser said I could. The first 3 years have worked out fine, but this last year..the last six months... I have taken about a 20 percent hit.  Twenty percent doesn't seem like much but when it's your lifetime earnings, it's a lot.  Luckily my house has appreciated in value during this time and has offset some of this.  But 8 straight weeks of the market declining hasn't happened since the Great Depression, which we've done.  And it can stir deeper thoughts of some preservation strategies.  

[BFritz21]

(06-03-2022, 05:11 PM)grampahol Wrote: I gotta tell you that if you were my son there would be no country club anything and you would be either buying your own drinks or you would remain sober..end of story.  Tough to give sympathy for blowing your own dads money on booze in a country club.. The version of sympathy from me would be from a dictionary between shit and syphilis..   
I love my son, but he has about as much chance of me paying his country club booze bill as he does flying to the moon in a 2x4 rocket ship held together with grade school paste glue...burnt matches for fuel..

First off, it's not like I'm a drunk or run up insane bills on his tab. He cut me off from food, too, which wasn't like it was a lot of money, either.


Second, we've been going there all our lives. I'm part of the community up there and everyone loves me.

If he were struggling money-wise, I wouldn't spend any of it. If it were to even put a dent in his wallet, I wouldn't spend it.

I appreciate your position because I know a lot of kids today are spoiled assholes, but he was the exact opposite of this until recently.  

(06-03-2022, 06:51 PM)bfine32 Wrote: maybe he's not "losing it" maybe he's just going through a rough patch. If he has much money tied up in the market, it's likely he's taken a hit in the pocket (I know). Don't be so defensive, just ask him if there's anything you can do, besides stop putting food and drink on his tab.

I doubt it because my brother's his financial advisor and he would have mentioned that if that were the case. My brother just bought his house in Hilton Head and he's building a bigger house.

I tried to "talk" with him, but that didn't work, so I messaged my siblings, like I said, and they agreed that something's wrong. My mom told my sister to have me just put it on my sister's bill and then my mom would pay her but I even offered to pay it because I don't have a lot of bills right now.

My money from the wreck in the market is taking a huge hit (it's in a trust, so I can't just take money from it whenever I want), so I realize that everyone is taking a hit but he just seems so off. Even in the recession from 2007(?) to 2009(?), he was more cautious but he still was nothing like this.

[George Cantstandya]

Maybe your dad heard about your poker winnings and saw where you said you didn't really have anything to spend them on.  Then thought, "Hey he can pay for his own meals at the country club."  

(06-01-2022, 01:12 PM)BFritz21 Wrote: Other than groceries and filling up my crippled van (which, admittedly, are both becoming ridiculously expensive), I don't have many expenses because my heating and air conditioning all get charged to my brother-in-law's house, so they pay for all of that, so I have spare money to spend on whatever with my poker winnings.

Okay sort of kidding here.  But anyway if you are concerned about your father's well being I'd suggest having an open conversation with him.  Tell him you are concerned, ask what you can do to resolve the issue and how you can help.  

So my suggestion would be for you to contact your dad and say, "I'm sorry if what I did wasn't what you wanted.  I'm concerned about you.  Let's talk about how to resolve this and how I can be there for you."

I think the best way to resolve this issue is with open dialog with your father (and family members) and not here on the Bengals message board..

I'm going through a situation with a close elderly family member that has been diagnosed with dementia.  It has been difficult but the best way I have dealt with it was to ask how I can help and just listen.

[George Cantstandya]

(06-05-2022, 03:33 PM)BFritz21 Wrote: I have apologized to him and told him that I won't spend another dime on his tab, and he has responded different ways, like saying I just need to be more careful or that he doesn't care what I spend, which is contradictory to why he was mad in the first place, and he just keeps going back and forth.

If you are truly concerned about his mental health I suggest having a conversation between you and other close family members.  Then consider how you and your family can approach your father to talk about it and how his mental health could be treated.   It isn't easy having such discussions, trust me I know.   But if this really is something you are concerned about then I suggest approaching it now.

If you really believe your, "Old Man's Brain Is Deteriorating,"  then he needs medical attention.  The sooner it is addressed the better the outcome.

Again having an elderly family suffer from dementia is something I've had to deal with unfortunately. It's difficult for the person to accept and for the family to deal with. It's heart breaking seeing someone close to you slowly lose the ability to function on a normal level and then have to step in and tell them they need help.   Then have to see how much they fight against it before they finally accept help. 

I'm sorry to hear your father is struggling.  I hope he has many good years ahead of him.

[BFritz21]

Then, like today, he'll email me a video about a WW2 veteran talking about landing at Normandy and then talk about how we used to watch Midway on Memorial Day Weekend and the 4th of July, and he'll go on about other war movies and how we need to watch them.

[oncemoreuntothejimbreech]

I’ve never had a tab at a country club so I’ve never dealt with this kind of thing before.

[BFritz21]

(06-27-2022, 10:11 PM)Harmening Wrote: “My tight ass old man cut me off”

If you understood the context and how my old man used to spend like it was nothing, you'd understand.

If you understood how my old man has never been shy about paying for anything for his kids (since he got rich, it hasn't always been that way), you'd understand.

If you understood how my old man used to spend money on me like it was nothing, even when I didn't want it, you'd understand.

However, you don't know any of that so you have no context to what you're quoting and still think that you somehow insulted me.

(06-27-2022, 11:30 PM)oncemoreuntothejimbreech Wrote: I’ve never had a tab at a country club so I’ve never dealt with this kind of thing before.

We didn't grow up rich, so it's not like we were your typical country club spoiled pricks.

My old man played golf, and it was easier to drop us off at the pool in the morning and let us run wild all day than it was to drive us around or hire a babysitter.

It also wasn't near as expensive as it is now.

We weren't even allowed to charge small things like candy or drinks to our account, which I'm not saying that we lived a tough life, but we just weren't spoiled.

[fredtoast]

(06-27-2022, 11:30 PM)oncemoreuntothejimbreech Wrote: I’ve never had a tab at a country club 

You a Diet Coke man?

[fredtoast]

(06-27-2022, 11:30 PM)oncemoreuntothejimbreech Wrote: I’ve never had a tab at a country club 

I dropped a tab at a country club one time.

Woke up the next evening with the flag from the 13th hole driven through my bedroom door and vague memories of an incident with a ball washer.

[KillerGoose]

(06-27-2022, 11:59 PM)fredtoast Wrote: I know exactly how you feel Brad.  You know what a big joker I am.  And even though we have had our differences you have always appreciated my sense of humor.

You are constantly telling me how much I make you laugh.

This is quite possibly the funniest post you've ever made. Lol. 

[BenZoo2]

(06-27-2022, 11:54 PM)fredtoast Wrote: I dropped a tab at a country club one time.

Woke up the next evening with the flag from the 13th hole driven through my bedroom door and vague memories of an incident with a ball washer.

Gotta be careful with those ball washers. Those tabs can get expensive quick. Painful too if you’re not careful


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[oncemoreuntothejimbreech]

(06-27-2022, 11:46 PM)BFritz21 Wrote: If you understood the context and how my old man used to spend like it was nothing, you'd understand.

If you understood how my old man has never been shy about paying for anything for his kids (since he got rich, it hasn't always been that way), you'd understand.

If you understood how my old man used to spend money on me like it was nothing, even when I didn't want it, you'd understand.

However, you don't know any of that so you have no context to what you're quoting and still think that you somehow insulted me.

We didn't grow up rich, so it's not like we were your typical country club spoiled pricks.

My old man played golf, and it was easier to drop us off at the pool in the morning and let us run wild all day than it was to drive us around or hire a babysitter.

It also wasn't near as expensive as it is now.

We weren't even allowed to charge small things like candy or drinks to our account, which I'm not saying that we lived a tough life, but we just weren't spoiled.

It was a joke. As Groucho said, I wouldn’t want to be in any club that would accept me as a member.

[fredtoast]

(06-28-2022, 11:12 AM)BenZoo2 Wrote: Gotta be careful with those ball washers.  Those tabs can get expensive quick.  Painful too if you’re not careful


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

A "tab" is also a term for a dose of LSD.

[masonbengals fan]

Blotter to be specific

[Truck_1_0_1_]

(06-05-2022, 03:33 PM)BFritz21 Wrote: I have apologized to him and told him that I won't spend another dime on his tab, and he has responded different ways, like saying I just need to be more careful or that he doesn't care what I spend, which is contradictory to why he was mad in the first place, and he just keeps going back and forth.

This is normal, Brad; I do it all the time (especially with my wife).

If someone inconveniences me or does something that wrongs me, but neither is an absolute end of the world sitch, they will of course apologise, but EVERY time, without fail, I respond, "It's ok; I don't mind the things you do, but try to just not do something that (insert negative) to me again, please."

It shows empathy, care, but most of all, that he loves you; none of it is contradictory.

(06-05-2022, 07:22 PM)BFritz21 Wrote: As I've said in this thread, we have talked about it.

My grandma (his mom), suffered from dementia, and it came on quick, which is why I'm wondering if that's what's happening here. I think he's only 70, which isn't that old at all.

This isn't a dig at you, Brad, but I still to this day cannot fathom how kids don't know their parents' ages. Like, have you not grown up around them or taken an interest in them at all?

It's just completely baffling...

[BFritz21]

(06-28-2022, 10:21 PM)Truck_1_0_1_ Wrote: This is normal, Brad; I do it all the time (especially with my wife).

If someone inconveniences me or does something that wrongs me, but neither is an absolute end of the world sitch, they will of course apologise, but EVERY time, without fail, I respond, "It's ok; I don't mind the things you do, but try to just not do something that (insert negative) to me again, please."

It shows empathy, care, but most of all, that he loves you; none of it is contradictory.

It's contradictory in this case because he was so mad and then all the sudden didn't care. He told me I was done and then just all the sudden was ok with it. It's not the same as what you described.

(06-28-2022, 10:21 PM)Truck_1_0_1_ Wrote: This isn't a dig at you, Brad, but I still to this day cannot fathom how kids don't know their parents' ages. Like, have you not grown up around them or taken an interest in them at all?

It's just completely baffling...

I used to know, but, since he retired, the years have just kind of run together and there hasn't been an important birthday.

I think he's 70.

[Truck_1_0_1_]

(06-29-2022, 12:30 AM)BFritz21 Wrote: It's contradictory in this case because he was so mad and then all the sudden didn't care. He told me I was done and then just all the sudden was ok with it. It's not the same as what you described.

lol yes, that's EXACTLY the same thing as I described. I'm just nicer about it than your dad was

I'm a vast, gargantuan sea of empathy and what you described, I feel and emote all the time.

Trust me