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**Se ky bengal** · 06-24-2015, 07:00 AM

[Image: funny+funny+signs+%252813%2529.jpg]

**Stewy** · 06-24-2015, 09:52 AM

(06-24-2015, 07:00 AM)Se ky bengal Wrote:

Ahhhh.....a patron of the classics I see!

**JustWinBaby** · 06-24-2015, 02:55 PM

Based on the size of the condoms relative to the people, I can't imagine those dudes would have to pay for sex! Or, alternatively, the hooker has already been punished enough.

***Benton*** · 06-24-2015, 03:21 PM

(06-24-2015, 02:55 PM)JustWinBaby Wrote: Based on the size of the condoms relative to the people, I can't imagine those dudes would have to pay for sex! Or, alternatively, the hooker has already been punished enough.

Condoms?

They're just picking up their socks. All three of them.

**JustWinBaby** · 06-24-2015, 03:50 PM

(06-24-2015, 03:21 PM)Benton Wrote: Condoms?

They're just picking up their socks. All three of them.

Sometimes low-end hookers can only afford 1 sock, or they might only have one leg.

But now that I think about it, that looks like a handicapped van. Could be a war vet, in which case taking his wheels and fining him is just shameful.

**Interceptor** · 06-24-2015, 07:15 PM

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a Flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The Flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen Women than let liquor touch my lips.

"The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

**Interceptor** · 06-24-2015, 07:17 PM

The Jewish Quarterback

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Baltimore Ravens. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect Arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Ravens go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his Mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says. "You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,

“I will never forgive you for making us move from Israel to Baltimore!"

**Interceptor** · 06-24-2015, 07:20 PM

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite
humorous...... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments
made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their
colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6.. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8.. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there?'

**Interceptor** · 06-24-2015, 07:38 PM

Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

**Interceptor** · 06-24-2015, 07:41 PM

A Lexus mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a LS460 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage,

"Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.

So how is it that I make $84,000 a year and you make $1.7 million when you and I are doing basically the same work?

The cardiologist paused, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic, “Try doing it with the engine running."

**Interceptor** · 06-24-2015, 07:43 PM

A guy walks into a bar looking real down in the dumps. The bartender notices this and asks the guy what is wrong. "My wife told me if I ever come home drunk again, she was going to divorce me." The bartender tells the guy he has nothing to worry about, it was probably just a threat. The guy agrees with the bartender and proceeds to get drunk. After more shots of rum and tequila than he can count, the man is sitting with his face down at the bar and pukes all over his shirt. after realizing what he had done, the man starts to panic. "What am I going to do? My wife is going to kick me out of the house and take everything I've got." The bartender calms him down and tells him to stick a $20 bill in his shirt pocket and tell his wife it was some other drunk who puked all over him and he gave him the twenty to cover the shirt. After a couple cups of coffee the guy drives home to find his wife packing her bags. He starts to explain what happened to his shirt and he pulls out two $20 bills to show his wife. Wondering why the man gave her husband $40, the wife asks, "What's the other $20 bill for?" the husband replies, "he shit in my pants too."