Issue with My Neighbor (Would Like Your Opinion)

[Wes Mantooth]

Ok, so I'm not sure I would describe a situation I had with my neighbor earlier tonight as a "dispute" or anything hostile like that. Perhaps an encounter would be a better word choice. Anyhoo, after I've had time to think about it it strikes me even more odd than it did initially and I really would like to get your guy's thought on it.

A quick up setup: So, I got home from work today at a little after 10. I decided to do some stuff around the house (dishes, straightening up, etc) before I settle in to watch some tube or mess around online. While I'm doing this I decide to listen to some tunes. Specifically Pandora, through a soundbar at about half volume. Not an elaborate stereo setup, or surround system. A soundbar, turned up about halfway, in my house. (Recap: I'm in my home, not an apartment. All the windows are closed. It's 10-ish.)

So at about 11:15 my doorbell rings. I was actually shaving and it took me a second to see who the hell is about my door. It's my neighbor. I answer, and say something simple like "hey, what's up". Here is his reply. "We can hear your music." (Not anything like prefacing it with "is there anyway you can turn it down, or sorry to be a bother but...". Just "we can hear your music" and it says really shittily.

It caught me totally off guard as it never even occurred to me that it was too loud and he seems all kinds of rude. But no biggie, I guess. I felt kind of bad about it and said something like "Oh, my bad. I'll turn it down. Sorry, I didn't realize it was that loud."

All he said to that was "our bedrooms are right there (points to his house)" and then he just walks away. No, "thanks". Or "appreciate it" or anything like that. Not even a smile or anything to make it seem like a cordial exchange.

So anyway after thinking about it more and more it's got me stewing and I want some feedback. It just strikes me as so dickish.

A couple other quick things: 1.) I've lived in this house for 10 years and never had anyone complain about noise. If anything I'm one of the more quiet neighbors. Never have any big parties, don't rev up my car or motorcycle. The guy that lived there before for 9 of those 10 years never once said anything about anything. 2.) The guy who is my current neighbor has been there less than year. He's also a 25 year old kid. Not that really matters a ton, but it makes it all the more strange. Right after he moved in his dad decided to mow part of my front yard (our front yards are connected) and ended up putting a huge divot in my yard from his riding mower getting stuck on the water hookup. I never said a peep and when the old man mentioned it I told not to worry about it at all.

I'm not going to do anything or say anything else. And maybe he comes over in the future to smooth things over or clarify or something. And maybe I'm being overly sensitive and nothing needs to be said and this is no biggie.

But there is no possible way my music was that loud. I know because when I have it on at that volume when my windows are open during the spring or summer you can barely hear it outside on my porch. I don't doubt he heard it, but it's not like it was cranked or I was going out of my way to be a inconsiderate prick. I was listening to music, in the privacy of my own home on a freaking soundbar, at 10:30 at night.

If I'm the neighbor I probably don't bust balls for something like that before the local news is even over. I don't do if it's been under an hour either. And if for some reason I really wanted to say something (I wouldn't) I would go out of my way to be polite about it. "Hey, sorry"... or "Don't mean to be a pain but..." or "Is there any way you could..." Something like that.

Guy just seemed like a total asshole. I pay all this money a year in property taxes to own my home, I always have my yard well maintained and try to be respectful of everyone, and I can't even listen to Pandora at 10 o'clock at night on a soundbar without being made to feel like an asshole. Wtf? He had to faintly hear it. I've honestly heard twice the volume when I lived in apartments and I never said one peep.

I can't just can't believe he came over. And I really can't believe he was that big of a dick about it.

[BFritz21]

Make sure you're calm, walk over there with an open mind and a cool head, knock on his door, wait for him, and..........

[Bryan]

Tomorrow night just blast it. Then tell him to **** himself.

[Wes Mantooth]

Now I'm wondering if it's going to be acceptable for me to watch a movie past 11 o'clock, as it's the same exact soundbar I use for my tv, and many times it needs to be at the same exact level just to hear the dialogue. (It really wasn't that loud, I swear.)

What a weirdo. I keep trying to put myself in his shoes. While it sucks to be annoyed by noise, I keep imagining me trying to sleep at 10'clock at night, faintly hearing music, and decided in under an hour to go over to my new neighbors house and be a dick about it. Who does that? I mean, yeah, maybe mention the next time you see me that the walls are thin and you can hear my tv from your bedroom, maybe ask for me to try to keep down a little or something. But it should have been clear that I wasn't intentionally being inconsiderate.

Ringing your neighbors doorbell after 11 o'clock is 100 times more rude than his complaint. Honest to God, the first thing that popped in my head when I heard the bell was me hoping that there wasn't a cop at more door with news about my dad or something.

I guess I just don't get it. Not a great way to start out as neighbors. And when a little tact is all that would have been necessary it seems all the more unreasonable on his part.

Ok, rant is over now. I'll shut up.

[Bengalzona]

Some thoughts.

Don't waste a lot of time worrying about someone who is rude. They are rude. That is their problem. It is not your problem. Clearly, you are not a rude person. Your problem is only how you choose to react to it. It sounds like you regret how you reacted because maybe you felt you should have asked him more questions. But you shouldn't have those kinds of regrets. His visit caught you off guard and surprised you.

As far as this guy, consider what you know about him. He is a young dude. That says a lot in itself. Chances are that at 25, he is not the most rational dude around. Consider also that he is probably socially awkward. He clearly doesn't know how to handle confrontations. He was almost certainly nervous about meeting you and probably more than a little scared. He probably had to pump up his adrenaline just to confront you. It's important to know that: this guy was probably more intimidated of you and than you are of him.

What else do you know about this guy? Is he married? Does he have kids? Does he work? What kind of job and hours? Do you know his name? Have you talked with him before? Does he seem to have a short-fuse? Do you think he does any drugs or alcohol? Does he look like a guy who worries about things?

Consider what you know about the guy, what you don't know about him or what you may assume and label them as such in your head.

If I were in this situation, I would approach the guy. I'd offer an apology for the music the other night as an icebreaker and see what he says. This can be a tricky conversation. The point of it is to break the ice and find out more about the guy. It is also about letting the guy know that you are mature and approachable so that you he doesn't feel the need to do the gorilla chest-thumping routine whenever your around. In that light, you would want to avoid getting defensive about how loud your music was. Get to know the guy a little. You either find out he is not so bad, or you'll find out why he is so f***ed up.

Then, after I talked to the guy, I'd come home from work and turn on my soundbar at the same level I had it before. If he comes over, I'd tell him that I had set the volume lower. Then I'd ask "What's going on with this anyway? Why does this bother you so much, (insert dude's name)?" If he has a good reason for the request, make him spit it out.

[eoxyod]

Kick him in the nuts and run

[bengal_fan_in_toronto]

i dont know if you own a gun or not, but next time answer the door wearing nothing but underwear, an open bathrobe and cowboy boots. Make sure the gun is "holstered" with the elastic band of your underwear.

have the Geto Boys - Mind of a Lunatic playing in the background.

he wont come back.

[tigerseye]

If you were being reasonable with the volume and your property is maintained relative to everybody elses ,your dealing with what ever is bouncing around in his head which is who knows what.

Be a good neighbor ,then don't worry about it.

You can waste alot of time and energy worrying about what others say and do.

If your being reasonable and considerate, your not the problem and your living up to your end of the bargain.

Just my opinion.

[Benton]

just a couple thoughts.

which way does the bar point? Soundbars are directional. While it's not going to be louder outside than in, it could be louder outside than in parts of your house. I used to keep my Xbox on the floor. I couldn't tell it was on, but drove my wife crazy because the vibration was right above the bedroom and very audible down there.

other thing, he's 25. Probably his first house. And there's the possibility he came from somewhere he never had to deal with neighbors. My guess is he's probably just young and inexperienced.

[Belsnickel]

So here's something interesting for all of this. If I can hear my neighbor's music in my apartment after 10, it's a violation of the noise ordinance here. Period. Probably not the same laws you have there, but just felt like throwing that in there.

He may have been a dick for a number of reasons. Any number of reasons could exist for why he could hear the music. What's loud to some people is also normal for others. The normal television volume for one of my neighbors is as loud through my wall as my television is in my own apartment.

Just a whole lot of variables here that make it so I wouldn't worry about it too much. I stew over petty bullshit all the time and it's not exactly the healthiest thing. If anything, approach the guy at some point and apologize for the music thing again, give him your number if you are comfortable with it, and tell him to give you a call if it happens again. You being nice about it may change his perception of you, because I know that when I put up with some of the people in my building and their music I just automatically assume they're assholes and have a desire to respond in kind.

[BengalHawk62]

Be like a dog.......

If you can't eat it or f*** it, shit on it and walk away.

[WeezyBengal]

This guy sounds like a complete d bag. Hes 25? I thought you were going to say 85 by how the story was going.

No way he can hear a sound bar cranked at half volume from your living room. Thats through both of your walls, the distance between your house, and his wall/window. No way.

Are you sure you didnt have a window open? Was there anyone else with you? Maybe he felt jealous or wanted to hang out and was waiting for you to give him an invite.

[XenoMorph]

(02-23-2016, 03:11 AM)Wes Mantooth Wrote: Ok, so I'm not sure I would describe a situation I had with my neighbor earlier tonight as a "dispute" or anything hostile like that. Perhaps an encounter would be a better word choice. Anyhoo, after I've had time to think about it it strikes me even more odd than it did initially and I really would like to get your guy's thought on it.

A quick up setup: So, I got home from work today at a little after 10. I decided to do some stuff around the house (dishes, straightening up, etc) before I settle in to watch some tube or mess around online. While I'm doing this I decide to listen to some tunes. Specifically Pandora, through a soundbar at about half volume. Not an elaborate stereo setup, or surround system. A soundbar, turned up about halfway, in my house. (Recap: I'm in my home, not an apartment. All the windows are closed. It's 10-ish.)

So at about 11:15 my doorbell rings. I was actually shaving and it took me a second to see who the hell is about my door. It's my neighbor. I answer, and say something simple like "hey, what's up". Here is his reply. "We can hear your music." (Not anything like prefacing it with "is there anyway you can turn it down, or sorry to be a bother but...". Just "we can hear your music" and it says really shittily.

It caught me totally off guard as it never even occurred to me that it was too loud and he seems all kinds of rude. But no biggie, I guess. I felt kind of bad about it and said something like "Oh, my bad. I'll turn it down. Sorry, I didn't realize it was that loud."

All he said to that was "our bedrooms are right there (points to his house)" and then he just walks away. No, "thanks". Or "appreciate it" or anything like that. Not even a smile or anything to make it seem like a cordial exchange.

So anyway after thinking about it more and more it's got me stewing and I want some feedback. It just strikes me as so dickish.

A couple other quick things: 1.) I've lived in this house for 10 years and never had anyone complain about noise. If anything I'm one of the more quiet neighbors. Never have any big parties, don't rev up my car or motorcycle. The guy that lived there before for 9 of those 10 years never once said anything about anything. 2.) The guy who is my current neighbor has been there less than year. He's also a 25 year old kid. Not that really matters a ton, but it makes it all the more strange. Right after he moved in his dad decided to mow part of my front yard (our front yards are connected) and ended up putting a huge divot in my yard from his riding mower getting stuck on the water hookup. I never said a peep and when the old man mentioned it I told not to worry about it at all.

I'm not going to do anything or say anything else. And maybe he comes over in the future to smooth things over or clarify or something. And maybe I'm being overly sensitive and nothing needs to be said and this is no biggie.

But there is no possible way my music was that loud. I know because when I have it on at that volume when my windows are open during the spring or summer you can barely hear it outside on my porch. I don't doubt he heard it, but it's not like it was cranked or I was going out of my way to be a inconsiderate prick. I was listening to music, in the privacy of my own home on a freaking soundbar, at 10:30 at night.

If I'm the neighbor I probably don't bust balls for something like that before the local news is even over. I don't do if it's been under an hour either. And if for some reason I really wanted to say something (I wouldn't) I would go out of my way to be polite about it. "Hey, sorry"... or "Don't mean to be a pain but..." or "Is there any way you could..." Something like that.

Guy just seemed like a total asshole. I pay all this money a year in property taxes to own my home, I always have my yard well maintained and try to be respectful of everyone, and I can't even listen to Pandora at 10 o'clock at night on a soundbar without being made to feel like an asshole. Wtf? He had to faintly hear it. I've honestly heard twice the volume when I lived in apartments and I never said one peep.

I can't just can't believe he came over. And I really can't believe he was that big of a dick about it.

This is when you say sorry i didnt know you were listening to MY music ill crank it up for you.


Let the cops be called noise complaints are nothing your neighbor sounds like a little ***** to me... he could close his windows and turn on his TV and unless you got some epic base or you can spit out your window and into his he shouldnt hear it.

[fredtoast]

Don't know why the guy complained, but I have learned that I can liosten to music plenty loud enough to enjoy it without upsetting any neighbors.

He may be more sensitive than the guy that lived there before, but he also clearly heard your music.

[Rotobeast]

Perhaps the guy just hates your taste in music ?

Do they have a baby ?

[*Wyche'sWarrior*]

Do what I did when I lived in a duplex during college.....invite them over, if they don't come to the party, but call the law anyway, fire up a chainsaw.....inside. Then, go outside with it, they'll take the hint and move out.

[Wes Mantooth]

(02-23-2016, 12:51 PM)fredtoast Wrote: 1.) Don't know why the guy complained, but I have learned that I can liosten to music plenty loud enough to enjoy it without upsetting any neighbors.

2.) He may be more sensitive than the guy that lived there before, but he also clearly heard your music.

1.) I thought I had to.  Made it all of 37 years without having a single person commenting on the volume of my music.  10 of those 37 years in this very house.  In all my years of living in apartments, dealing with noisy neighbors myself, being at other people's houses, I feel like I've got a somewhat decent idea of what constitutes a reasonable volume level.

2.) I don't doubt that he did, but I feel the approach was terribly rude, given the actual volume, time of night, and the way he spoke.

There's a guy a street over who sometimes leaves his dog way too long, out all hours of the day.  Winter, summer, night, day, weekdays, weekends, etc.  You can hear the dog whining to come in at 8am on a Sunday in December, or 2am on a Weds night in March.  Know how many times I've actually gone over there and complained?  Zero.

There's a few families in the neighborhood who like fireworks.  Really like them.  It's not just 4th of July or the week of.  You'll randomly hear a big bang on a random weeknight around midnight.  I've never said shit.

The guy that used to live in this guys house used to always rev up his bike before taking it out.  He'd also listen to music in his garage while he lifted weights.  Neither bothered my in the least.  Guy took care of his house and we got along fine.  As a hard working American he ought to be able to listen to the radio in his own garage if he wants.  Motorcycles are loud, but they are legal.  I never once thought he was intentionally being a jerk by simply living his life.

There's a handful of people who start their mowers or blowers earlier than others.  Sometimes it doesn't always work great with my schedule as I work late and sleep in till 9 or 10 a lot. 

But hey, that's surburban living.  When you have 50+ houses all within a quarter mile of eachother sometimes you have to let others do their own thing (within reason).

I was raised to believe that ringing a neighbors doorbell after dark is incredibly rude.  Unheard of really.  When the reason is because you could barely hear music a 10:30 at night, that went on for all of 45 minutes, that seems all the more strange.

[Wes Mantooth]

(02-23-2016, 01:05 PM)Rotobeast Wrote: Do they have a baby ?

No kids.  It's a guy and his sister, both of which are in their mid to late twenties.

Fwiw, I probably have my tv/soundbar setup on about a grand total of 5 hours a week. (Seriously)  I hardly ever turn it on.  I'm usually on the computer, reading, or playing my guitar (with headphones).

So it's not even like this has been ongoing either.  Like he's been slowly steaming that he can my soundbar from his bedroom at night.  Last night was probably the first night I've even had the thing on over a week.

[Wes Mantooth]

(02-23-2016, 12:31 PM)XenoMorph Wrote: unless you got some epic base or you can spit out your window and into his he shouldnt hear it.

This is a picture of the soundbar used in my grand setup



It does have a subwoofer, but it's on the other side of the room and I had set it to 2 (out of 5).  I think I had the soundbar around 5 or 6 out of 10.  Oh, and it faces away from his house.

[Wes Mantooth]

(02-23-2016, 12:11 PM)WeezyBenga Wrote: Are you sure you didnt have a window open?

That was the first thing I thought.  "Dammit, I forgot to close the windows in the living room." 

Nope, they were all closed.  I have the newer windows that open both from the top and bottom and fold out, so I thought maybe I just left one cracked a bit, but I didn't.

I did an experiment today and turned it on and walked around outside.  You could hear my stereo when stand right outside my window.  And that side of his house does sit about 5 feet from my living room, so maybe had his windows open and could hear it?  If heard it with his windows closed it had to be ever so faint.

I don't know, I kinda feel like I should be able to watch tv in my own house at 11 o'clock at night.  Like, what happens if I'm watching an action movie and it doesn't end until after 11?  Is this stick in the mud or going to come running over because he heard my soundbar a little.

Guy might as well move to a retirement community.