(05-12-2016, 05:34 PM)StLucieBengal Wrote: Loads of answers. Lay out a scenario.
Anything from embarrassing the bully to actually fighting. The point is idk what's been tried and what we are up against. 1 bully... A group .... Why are they bullying .... What's the bully's background Loads of ways to handle it .... But without specifics it's a pointless conversation.
But that's not what you have been saying. You have maintained that youth don't know how to "take a punch" and they shouldn't hide in safe spaces and behind adults but rather learn how to fight.
But when asked about your own children you want the nuance of the situation.
Your anger and ego will always reveal your true self.
(05-12-2016, 05:21 PM)StLucieBengal Wrote: Ok. Is it 1 bully or a group who is bullying?
I would ask them what they tried already and then we would go through other solutions to their problems. The key is to get them to problem solve. Not for us to save the day. At some point parents will step in to protect their kids, I just feel like we should be pushing for them to win their battles. That's why we guide them. Now I have girls so it's different than it would be with boys.
Let's say it's one of your daughters being bullied by one girl who is bigger, older and stronger. Let's say your daughter stands her ground, but suffers a severe beating as a result.
In this scenario, let's say the bully has a history of this and has been in trouble many times in the past. And, let's say that even after your daughter stood her ground, the bully keeps picking on her every day at school. What course of action do you take?
BTW, this is more about the 'approach' you've talked about taking, than you yourself. So, it's not a personal thing with you. While I've seen the 'stand up and fight back' approach work at times, I've also seen it make matters much worse for the kid being bullied. This is why, when I hear blanket statements like 'kids are soft' or 'can't take a punch'...well, it's just not that simplistic.
(05-12-2016, 05:54 PM)Bengalholic Wrote: Let's say it's one of your daughters being bullied by one girl who is bigger, older and stronger. Let's say your daughter stands her ground, but suffers a severe beating as a result.
In this scenario, let's say the bully has a history of this and has been in trouble many times in the past. And, let's say that even after your daughter stood her ground, the bully keeps picking on her every day at school. What course of action do you take?
BTW, this is more about the 'approach' you've talked about taking, than you yourself. So, it's not a personal thing with you. While I've seen the 'stand up and fight back' approach work at times, I've also seen it make matters much worse for the kid being bullied. This is why, when I hear blanket statements like 'kids are soft' or 'can't take a punch'...well, it's just not that simplistic.
It's ok man. I can discuss things without it being a personal insult. Where I draw the line is when someone offers to have sex with my kid.
I would encourage other ways to shame the bully . She couldn't succeed in a physical fight so I would encourage ways to embarrass the bully. Kids are sensitive and you can make th self conscience relatively easy. I would encourage her to offensive in this manner. Just takes one embarrassing moment to sidetrack a bully and turn the tables.
I would encourage out of the box thinking.... Once again the goal isn't to necessarily win... It's to problem solve and know you can rely on yourself to work through problems. This is why I think being bullied isn't necessarily a bad thing.... No one wants to see their kids hurt, but they also need to know they can pull themselves back up. I hope you can see where I am coming from on learning the lessons. This is a great opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson.
(05-12-2016, 07:22 PM)StLucieBengal Wrote: It's ok man. I can discuss things without it being a personal insult. Where I draw the line is when someone offers to have sex with my kid.
I would encourage other ways to shame the bully . She couldn't succeed in a physical fight so I would encourage ways to embarrass the bully. Kids are sensitive and you can make th self conscience relatively easy. I would encourage her to offensive in this manner. Just takes one embarrassing moment to sidetrack a bully and turn the tables.
I would encourage out of the box thinking.... Once again the goal isn't to necessarily win... It's to problem solve and know you can rely on yourself to work through problems. This is why I think being bullied isn't necessarily a bad thing.... No one wants to see their kids hurt, but they also need to know they can pull themselves back up. I hope you can see where I am coming from on learning the lessons. This is a great opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson.
What if your daughter is deaf? Would you rig up an elaborate system of props for her to take to school and use to make the bully fall over? Wait, that would be pandering if you helped build it. Maybe give her some banana peels to strategically lay out.
(05-12-2016, 09:29 PM)Vas Deferens Wrote: What if your daughter is deaf? Would you rig up an elaborate system of props for her to take to school and use to make the bully fall over? Wait, that would be pandering if you helped build it. Maybe give her some banana peels to strategically lay out.
Are you insinuating Lucie's daughter was really fathered by Harpo Marx?
(05-12-2016, 09:29 PM)Vas Deferens Wrote: What if your daughter is deaf? Would you rig up an elaborate system of props for her to take to school and use to make the bully fall over? Wait, that would be pandering if you helped build it. Maybe give her some banana peels to strategically lay out.
You hire someone to do PI work and find out everything you can on the bully.
You then have your deaf daughter hand the bully a note stating that because she's deaf, all her other senses are heightened and she can read her mind.
The note would have the personal data and interactions that the PI witnessed on it.
Make sure your daughter reads many books on body language (she would already have a leg up, from experience) and deduce how the bully feels each day, in a creepy monotone voice.
There are further measures, but that should mess with the bully's head enough to gain relief.
(05-12-2016, 10:58 PM)Rotobeast Wrote: You hire someone to do PI work and find out everything you can on the bully.
You then have your deaf daughter hand the bully a note stating that because she's deaf, all her other senses are heightened and she can read her mind.
The note would have the personal data and interactions that the PI witnessed on it.
Make sure your daughter reads many books on body language (she would already have a leg up, from experience) and deduce how the bully feels each day, in a creepy monotone voice.
There are further measures, but that should mess with the bully's head enough to gain relief.
Enabler.
That's not the child learning how to take a punch and standing up to the bully!
Your anger and ego will always reveal your true self.
(05-12-2016, 09:29 PM)Vas Deferens Wrote: What if your daughter is deaf? Would you rig up an elaborate system of props for her to take to school and use to make the bully fall over? Wait, that would be pandering if you helped build it. Maybe give her some banana peels to strategically lay out.
In that case I would just order something from ACME and let it do its thing.
(05-12-2016, 05:12 PM)Nately120 Wrote: Of course the kid gets thumped by the bully. That's when he/she meets some old weirdo who teaches him/her karate and THEN following a synth-drenched montage said kid confronts the bully and kicks his ass. Geez, how many times do I have to explain that life is totally an 80s film?
(05-12-2016, 07:22 PM)StLucieBengal Wrote: I would encourage other ways to shame the bully . She couldn't succeed in a physical fight so I would encourage ways to embarrass the bully. Kids are sensitive and you can make th self conscience relatively easy. I would encourage her to offensive in this manner. Just takes one embarrassing moment to sidetrack a bully and turn the tables.
I don't know what you mean here. How do you shame a bully. Generally the person getting beaten up is the one shamed. Bullies are proud of being bullies. In fact the worst bullies are the popular ones who pick on the outcasts and shame them.
That is the big problem with bullying. The victims are the weak and the misfits, not the strong popular kids. In fact many cases of bullying do not even involve much physical abuse. Instead it is popular kids shaming outcasts who have thick glasses, a lisp, an asthma inhaler, or are just "different" in any way.
(05-13-2016, 09:32 AM)fredtoast Wrote: I don't know what you mean here. How do you shame a bully. Generally the person getting beaten up is the one shamed. Bullies are proud of being bullies. In fact the worst bullies are the popular ones who pick on the outcasts and shame them.
That is the big problem with bullying. The victims are the weak and the misfits, not the strong popular kids. In fact many cases of bullying do not even involve much physical abuse. Instead it is popular kids shaming outcasts who have thick glasses, a lisp, or an asthma inhaler.
I agree. Most bullying is not physical bullying, it is emotional bullying. Among girls, it is almost exclusively emotional. Shaming is just another form of emotional bullying. I do not see "bullying the bully" as an answer. Rather, I think it is adding gas to a fire and reinforcing a concept that bullying is okay under the tag of "under certain circumstances" (i.e. two wrongs don't make a right).
(05-13-2016, 09:32 AM)fredtoast Wrote: I don't know what you mean here. How do you shame a bully. Generally the person getting beaten up is the one shamed. Bullies are proud of being bullies. In fact the worst bullies are the popular ones who pick on the outcasts and shame them.
That is the big problem with bullying. The victims are the weak and the misfits, not the strong popular kids. In fact many cases of bullying do not even involve much physical abuse. Instead it is popular kids shaming outcasts who have thick glasses, a lisp, or an asthma inhaler.
(05-13-2016, 10:25 AM)Bengalzona Wrote: I agree. Most bullying is not physical bullying, it is emotional bullying. Among girls, it is almost exclusively emotional. Shaming is just another form of emotional bullying. I do not see "bullying the bully" as an answer. Rather, I think it is adding gas to a fire and reinforcing a concept that bullying is okay under the tag of "under certain circumstances" (i.e. two wrongs don't make a right).
Lucy thinks he's living in the film "Heathers".
Your anger and ego will always reveal your true self.
Here is a true story about bullying from my own life that shows how stupid it can be.
I grew up in a small town (Franklin). Back in the 70's when I was riding the bus to school I was on a route that took a wide sweep around some of the outer edges of the school district. So I rode the same bus with kids from the other side of town. For some reason unknown to me there was a dispute form a part of town they called "Hollywood" and the place where I lived, Pennyroyal Hill. The problem was I was the only male student from my part of town that rode the bus. I was constantly getting picked on. They stole my hats. They stole my homework. I even got into a couple of fights. The only thing that helped was my parents complaining to the school about the lack of control on the bus. The bus driver was forced to give assigned seats and establish more discipline on his bus. Even then the disputes carried over to the schoolyards, but there was always more adult supervision at school.
And I had to go through all of that just because of WHERE I LIVED. It was insane. I was even stronger and smarter than average for my age growing up, but some of these kids were years older than me and there was a group of them.
How would you have had me deal with that situation, Lucie? How could I have handled that problem without help from adult supervision?
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