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Ok, since many have been here for a few dozen hours, mods are in place, and the seal has been broken, let's get down to brass tacks.
This franchise is a turd sandwich. A real giant douche if you will. The urgency shown by this team this offseason is akin to the urgency I show when I'm taking a Sunday morning deuce. Little to none. As much as I'm going to relax, while taking the Browns to the Superbowl and simultaneously reading the sports page, that's about the level of urgency they have shown in trying/wanting to win now.
New coach? Forgetaboutit... Are you kidding me? Let's give this d-rocket another extension. I mean why not, right? We're not even into year 20 of the rebuilding project.
Additions or changes to staff? Yeah, ok, like that was going to happen any other way than them leaving on their own. Piano Man, the Hayes boys and the rest of the merry men have the job security of public school teacher with tenure.
A QB competition? Even if only for the sake of motivation, perhaps team building, or manufactured confidence in the predetermined winner? *****, please. Surely the 22nd rated QB and his whopping 14 TD passed or whatever his noodled armed ass threw last year can't be subjected to such a slap in the face. How dare anyone even entertain the idea that Andy may need to someone to push him and may need to win his spot just like everyone else.
Surely they did something in FA, right? Something to add that missing piece or two. Something to put us over the top. Noooooope. Here's 4 former players (MJ, Simms, JJ, Ghee, who we didn't win with before, and a 47 year old LB, inked with a 500k signing bonus and a Buddy Card, who even in his prime was average.
Well, there's always the draft, right. Here's two tackles in back to back rounds to kick off the draft. Hey, that's great but not sure how that helps us win now. (side note: remember how quick the team is to point to the upcoming expiring contracts of Smith and Whitworth when rationilizing not spending money. Drafting two tackles doesn't inspire a ton of confidence you've actually earmarked that money for both)
So, come on, what's changed? Anything? What's different? Do they want to win more? Are they trying their best? Do the care if they appear to be trying? Are you confident? Heck, are the players? I know if my company kept screwing the pooch in one area and the 25th Monday in a row I come in and we're having the same sales meeting, with the same agenda, same pitch, same product, same everything, I'm not going to have a ton confidence it's what's being presented.
Mike Brown, eat a bag of... Your product is inferior, and worst of all is boring. It's stale and has been stale for years. If this team slips up in the slightest I believe the amount of empty seats that rival anything you saw in the days of Riverfront. They've built up no loyalty in this recent stretch, their product does little to excite in the way of anything different or new.
Bengals football 2015 =  Good luck, you're going to need it.
Note: This thread is equal parts a tongue in cheek attempt to show that this forum can, and will most likely, be very similar, and me legitimate griping about this steady worm, cheap, outdated, Mickey Mouse approach to modern football.
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. I'll go back and get the ones i know i saw but didn't put on here yet.
